Doomed To Doom Thyself

Again I Am Going To Point Out That Blind People Know Not What Blinded Them In The First Place.

Before It's Too Late, That Is.

I'm SO Riled Up Now Because The Blind Have Tried To Say That Carbon Dating Is Bullshit. They Tried To Deny The Magnificent Discoveries And Creations Of Mankind. Their Argument Is To Say That We All Spawned From A Log And Our Creations Like The Magnificent Convenience That Is Mobile Phones Or The Technological Marvel That Is The F-22A Raptor Or The Bugatti Veyron All Just Manifested Out Of Thin Air.

I Bet That Imaginary Fool Up There, Who Even If Existed Decomposed So Long Ago Nothing Remains, Does Not Know What A V8 Engine Is. So To Try To Find Out, I Did Ask. And Yes. Not Only Did He Not Know What A V8 Engine Is, He Didn't Even Know (And I Doubt He Knows Now) What An Engine Is. Or A Bugatti Veyron. And He Thought Carbon Dating Was A Holiday Package To Europe.

Many People Say 'I Was Blind, But Now I See'. Personally I Think You Better Go See A Doctor Because Hallucinations Are A Sign Of Possible Schizophrenia.

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I've Finished 'The World According To Clarkson' And I'm Regretting It Now. Not Because I Still Have A Paper Tomorrow But Because The Book Is So Hilarious That It's The Only Other Thing That Cheers Me Up When I Absolutely Have To Axemurder Poeple.

Adieu To Y'all And See Y'all Soon. It's Been Too Long.

P.S.: The Supposed Greatest Feeling In The World Is The Ultimate Worst For Me Thanks To The Excessively Blinding Light. Hopefully The Darkness Will Help Me Regain My Vision.

(Fall)Out Of Place

It Would Seem That The Law On P2P Mentioned Before Has Been Passed, And Well, Let's Just Say That Things Don't Look Too Good From Here On Out.

Can't Say It's Unexpected Though. In A World Where Honour, Justice, Virtue And Kindness Were A Thing Of The Past, It Seems That We Are Going Even Further Back Than That, That Is The Time When The Only Thing That Mattered Was The Survival Of The Fittest, Only With A Twist. Today It Is Known As The ‘Survival Of The Richest’ Where Only The Rich Survive And The Richest Of The Rich Rule. So I’m Not So Surprised Anymore That Some People Will Stop At Nothing Until Their Bank Account Balance Has More Numbers Than Their Bank Account Number, Even If This Means Others Will Have To Sell A House To Afford Something That Has The ‘Original’ Stamp Somewhere On It, In Which That Stamp Itself Might Cost No More Than A Toothpick.

Rant Number 2

It’s Ironic, Really, How People Are Inclined To Tell Others How To Live Their Lives, And These People, More Often Than Not, Are The Very Ones That Have Played A Major Role In Destroying It. That Said,I Will Not Condemn The Elders For Ordering Their Pawns Around ‘For Their Own Good’ Nor Will I Scorn ‘Friends’ Who Tell People To Rob The Poor To Feed The Rich ‘Out Of Concern’. This Is, After All, Human Nature. It Is Very Natural Indeed For Us To Want Others To Imitate Ourselves Because We Assume What Works For Us Will Work For Others As Well, Because Others Are Just Like Us; Human. It’s Like Telling A Gambler To Go All Out Because When You Had A Hand Like His You Were Winning. Or A Coolie Telling A Rich Kid How Hard He Has To Work To Afford A Cup Of Coffee. Yeah, Right. The Kid’s Parents Could Afford To Buy The Atlantic Ocean For All You Know.

That Is Why, The Best Of My Friends Are Those Whom I Go Out With, Craptalk About Everything (Each Other Even, Sometimes), Hell, Do Everything True Friends Do To Each Other, The Only Exception Being Telling Each Other How To Live Life. And I Really Can't Wait To Do All Of That All Over Again With Them After My Exams Are Over.

----------

I’d Probably Be Happier If I Believed In Fate/Destiny And Told Myself That This Rotten Timetable For Next Semester And Exams Was Just Due To Bad Luck Instead Of Some Retard Setting Them The Way They Did. Then Again, It Might Probably Be Less Agonizing To Shoot Myself In The Head. Also, It Seems That Being Depressed Is Having A Mental Disorder. Then, In Other Words, My Dream Came True, Only That I’m Not Mentally Ill Enough To Kill Whoever Deserves My Wrath And Walk Away Scott-Free.

Adieu To Y’all. And More Of The World According To Clarkson For Me.

New Fallout; New Fallacy

I Have Finally Decided That I Will Give Up The Futility Of 'Not Fishing For Sympathy', Because Even If I Would Try To Make My Posts As 'Public-Servicy' As Possible, It Would Never Have Come Up At All Without It First Affecting Me. So In The End It's All For Naught. But Hey, At Least This Is A Sign Of My Youth (Or Rather, Immaturity). Because It Was An Ideal. It Still Is, Actually, And Will Probably Remain One 'Till The End Of Time. And Beyond, Even.

So Much For Majoring In Psychology; You Get The Benefit Of Slapping Yourself With A Fishtail So Hard, People'd Think Bowties Are Now Tattooed Straight Onto The Face Instead Of Worn Around The Collar. Well, On The Bright Side, You're Setting The New Trend.

But Anyway, The Reason I'm Staying Up So Late When I Really Wanna Just Drop Dead On The Bed Is To RANT! With Full Caps Complete With The Exclamation Mark. "What? You're Gonna Rant On Your Blog? You Mad, Crazy Fool, You." Yes. My Immature Head Has Just Figured Out That That's What Personal Blogs Are For. So If I Don't Continue Fishing My 100kg Tuna Here I Won't Be Able To Do It Anywhere Else Without Being Critizised For The Wrong Reasons.

So Here Goes, Rant Number 1

Recently There's News About How Malaysian ISPs Are Gonna Terminate Users Who Use P2P. And This Was Forced Onto Them By The Empty-Headed Head Of RIM (Recording Industry Association of Malaysia) To 'Curb Piracy'. Well, Curbing Piracy Is Alright And All, But That Coming From The Bunch Of People Who Forced The Citizens To Resort To Piracy In The First Place Is Laughable, If Not Downright Ironic.

The Number One Reason (IMO At Least) That People Resort To Piracy Is Because The Original Stuff Are So Hard To Find, It's Probably Easier To Strike The 6D Than To Find The Non-Mainstream Stuff. A Very Good Example Will Be Music CDs. Sure, Its Easy To Find CDs Of International Artists Like MCR, Josh Groban Simple Plan And The Likes But What Of Those Who Prefer Japanese Music? And Even For Japanese Music There's Only The Mainstream Ones Like Ayumi Hamasaki, Namie Amuro, Utada Hikaru. So How About The More Alternative Ones? I Swear I Have Never Seen Albums Of T.M. Revolution, m.o.v.e, See-Saw, FictionJunction, Not Even Nami Tamaki Before. And ONLY ONCE, Out Of Sheer Luck Have I Seen A Mika Nakashima Album, And Everytime I Think Of It The Regret Of Not Buying It At That Time Is More Agonizing Than Gringing My Every Single Tooth To Dust.

Then There's The Supposed 'Original' DVDs. Screw Them. Sure, It Has The Original Stamp On Them, But Everytime I Decided I Should Buy An Original Anime DVD Back Home, I Get Rewarded With Subtitles So Bad The People Responsible For It Themselves Wouldn't Understand Half Their Own Work, And That Is Already An Overstatement. What's Worse, There's This Watermark That Says, Subbed, Coded By 'So-And-So' Fansub. So What, The 'Originals' Are Just Ripped Off From Some Fansub Which Clearly Mentions 'This Is A Free Fansub, Not For Sale' On Their Works And Then People Are Made To Buy Them Because Downloading Direct From The Fansub Is An Act Of Piracy!? Heck, I Might As Well Learn The Language And Just Stream Japanese TV.

Then There's The Price. It's No Secret That Malaysian Tax Is So High That Whatever Anyone Buys, The Tax Collected From It Is Enough To Buy A Second One. Literally 100% Tax. So Since We Can't Find It In Our Local Stores We Have To Go Import Directly From Japan Or Whatever The Country Of Origin Is For Your Product, Get It No Cheaper And Waste That Much More Time.

Seriously. These Money-Grubbing Cash-Addicts Aren't Doing Anything About The Smaller Steps Like Stopping Junkies Breaking Car Windows And Stealing Laptops But They're Taking The 'Big' Step Of Curbing Piracy? Nonsense, I Say. There's No Doubt That They'd Be Breaking Car Windows Themselves If They Can Justify That As 'Curbing Piracy', For The Sake Of The Extra Cash.

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Lately I've Gotten Hooked On Watching Top Gear, And Have Developed This Liking To Jeremy Clarkson's Blunt Honesty And Brutal Sarcasm. And I Happened To Stumble Upon A Book Titled 'The World According To Clarkson' Which Seems Like A Compilation Of Some Of His Articles. No Doubt I Bought It. And So Please Forgive Me If I Fail Miserably In Imitating His Snide Style. Which I Expect To.

Adieu To Y'all. And Kiss The Selfless Ian 'IMD!!!' Chee Goodbye, Forever.

Fallout Fallacy

Been Not As Long A Time As I Hoped, But I Guess The Urgency Precedes My Own Selfish Wishes.

They Say That Every Man Worth A Damn Is A Hypocrite. I Would've Begged To Differ, But Unfortunately For Me, I Now See Evidence Of The Truth Behind The Sentence.

Either That, Or I Would Doom Myself To Never Be A Someone For The Sake Of Not Being A Hypocrite. But Perhaps The Former Is Worse, And I'd Rather Be A Nobody Than A Hypocrite.

Why This Same Old Crap On Honesty And Hypocrisy Again? Well, People Do Many Things That They Don't Mean. And It Hurts Me, If Anyone, To See People Showing Me A Sweet Smile On Their Faces When I Know They Don't Mean It. Damn, I'd Rather You Keep Your Distance Like How You Usually Do And Be Yourself Instead Of Putting Up This Act Of Kindness Just Because Everyone Else Is Doing It. Hell, By All Means, Smite Me Openly, Publicly Even. Just Don't Put Up That Show. It Painful For Me To Watch Even If It's Not Tiring For You To Put Up The Shit. And I'm Sure I'm Not Being An Exotic Weirdo For Thinking So, And Thus I'm Like Making A Public Service Announcement With This.

Well, Main Point Being, And Damn I Love This Quote:

"It Is Better To Be Hated For What You Are, Than To Be Loved For What You Are Not." Gide (1869-1951 French)

Unless You Actually Enjoy It, Then Please Go Find Someone Else To Do It To. But Then Again, Probably I Have You To Thank, Because I've Been Dying To Share This; Quoted From A Namesake Of Mine:

I still can't forget you. I love how the memory of you makes everything else in the world look wonderful...

...by comparison.

Though All The Ugliness Of This Cold War Could Be Avoided, I Guess It Could Only Be Avoided If Different People Were In The Shoes Of All The Involved.

All The Ugliness Aside, Thanks Everyone. For Spicing Up This Otherwise Boring Life With All The Good, Bad And Ugly That Makes This Life Uniquel Mine.

Adieu To Y'all. And This Marks The Beginning Of The 3rd Decade Of My Life.

P.S.: War Does Not Determine Who Is Right, Only Who Is Left.

Once Upon A Time, Yet In The Distant Future.

This Post Should've Been Up Last Week, But Due To Stuff That No One Needs To Care About, It's Up Now.

I'm Starting To Like My Lecturer, Mr Tan Kok Wei. Though He's Extremely Sarcastic During Lectures (Sarcasm Is Somewhere On The Top In The List Of Things I Hate), But His Tutorial Classes Are Really The Thing That Universities Lack, And Must Have; Open Discussion Sessions Where People Actually Get To Voice Out Their Views On How They Apply The Stuff That They Shove Up Their Heads In The Real World. Sadly However, Through Voicing Out My Ideas And His Criticism, We Have Indirectly Formed An Equation:

University = Study, Memorize, Ideals
Practicality = College, Vocational School
Thus University =/= Practical

Because People Come To University To Memorize Information, Not Apply Them In Life. Even The Highest Level Of Education That Can Be Obtained From Universities Is The PhD, Or Doctor Of Philosophy. Thus All We Learn Are Pointless Information In Our Undergrad, Finally Some Practicality Depending On The Choice Of Our Specialization For Masters And All Impractical Ideals And Philosophies For PhD. Also Meaning That People Pay More For People Who Can Come Up With Grand Ideas But Cannot Make Use Of / Apply Basic And Useful Information Instead Of People Who Get The Job Done But Lacking In Creativity. Which Leads To Another Equation:

Dream = Higher Pay
Work = Lower Pay

Though Excuse My Choice Of Words. I'm Trying To Keep The Equations As Short As Possible. Although Exaggerated, The Basic Idea Remains. People Who Are Able To Make Use Of What They Learn Are Being Rewarded Less Than People Who Come Up With Ideas And Make Others Learn.

I Kept Thinking To Myself: If This Is How The System Works, Then What Is The World Coming To? Now That My Refusal To Accept The Way Reality Is Was Countered And Criticized, It Only Confirms To Me That Reality Rules. Ideals Are Destined To Fail Epicly. In Other Words, World Peace = Epic Fail. Immorality Suddenly Became The Most Moral Thing. Because To Survive One Cannot Afford To Be Selfless, Thus Selfishness Is The Way To Go Because It Is Immoral To Not Want To Survive Because Not Wanting To Live Equals Suicide. And Every Other Thing Along Those Lines.

These May Make No Sense To Most Of You, But It All Relates. Me Putting Them In This Short Equation Just Brings The Starting And Finishing Point Closer.

But At The Same Time I'm Reminded That Nothing Is True, Everything Is Permitted. So People Are Allowed To Do Stuff That Don't Make Sense In The Name Of Making Sense. Much Like Killing In The Name Of Peace. Or Dividing People In The Name Of Unity. Or Manipulating People In The Name Of Helping Them. Since These Are What War, Religion And Politics, Respectively, Do To People Anyway. Then Again, All Of Them Can Actually Be Used Interchangably Instead Of Each Description Matching Only One Word. And Since Nothing Is True And Everything Is Permitted, Let Me Also Share This With You Before Anyone Starts Flaming Themselves:

Know this before you argue,
There is no truth in this world, only points of view,
From a different angle, something else is true,
From where we stand, the sky may be an azure blue,
But from somewhere else, it is of another hue.

Adieu To Y'all. Food For Thought, People.

Miraculous Comeback, Not.

Much Has Happened Since The Last Post. Infinitely Much. Too Much To Explain Them All, Too Much To Bear Alone, Even. But What's Worse, When I've Decided To Take Them All On, Someone Dear Succumbed To Pressure.

So I Very Much Dedicate This Post To My Bro, Not In Blood, But In Bond. And Of Course Rant Some Shit Of My Own.

And Yes, I've Not Forgotten My Vow To Not 'Fish For Sympathy', Consciously Nor Otherwise, But Rather, This Rant Of Mine Will Also Hopefully Be Not Just A Personal Rant, But Also Be Some Form Of Support, Or In Less Ideal Words, Consolation, For Whoever It May Apply To.

Well First Of All, My Sincerest Apologies To My Bro, Yat. Infinite Apologies For Forcing My Passion Onto You, That Has Put You Through Hell; Making You Experience An Avoidable Burden. I Guess The Gift Of Poetry Really Isn't For Everyone.

Honestly, I Truly Feared That This Day Would Come. And By The Worst Of Luck, It Did. I Always Knew That What Works For Me Would Never Work For Others, But It Just Felt So Good To Have This Gift That I Felt That It Must Be Shared. But Then Again, How Many Would See Darkness As A Gift The Way I Do? How Many See The Blinding Light As Corruption The Way I Do?

The Very Eerie Darkness That Scares The Crap Out Of People Is The Serene Darkness That Calms My Senses. The Very Light That Enlightens People Blinds Me. I Guess I Am Truly The Only Devil Among Men. Perhaps This Sets Me Apart From All Others; People Hold On To Hope While I Accept Despair With Open Arms.

But Perhaps In This Guilt Of Mine I Have Guided You To Find Your True Self. It Is As You Quoted, "There Is No Need To Pretend,Simply Do What You Can," And Similarly, "It Is Better To Be Hated For What You Are, Than To Be Loved For What You Are Not." Gide (1869-1951 French)

Thus I Have Chosen The Path Never Before Traversed. I Have Chosen To Outcast Myself And Be Who I Am: A Person Beyond Mortal Comprehension, Beyond Mortal Compassion. I Chose To Be Antisocial, To Be Like The Cantonese Saying 'If You Can Say It, Then You Must Be Able To Do It'. With That I Free Myself From Hypocrisy That So Many Mere Mortals Condemn Themselves Into With Words Like "Life is not just about myself, but also about my family, and also friends around me," Meaningless Words That They Can Merely Utter, But Never Hold On To.

Thus I Shall Be Hated For What I Am, An Antisocial Who Couldn't Care Less About A Self-Destroying World Than Be Loved For What I Am Not, A Person Who Pretends To Care But Deep Down Inside, Makes Use Of Others Like Tools Without A Care For Their Feelings. I Shall Be Hated For Embracing The Darkness That Enlightens Me, Than Be Loved For Pretending To Revel In The Corrupting Light.

Though It Breaks My Heart To See You Stop Poetry, I Guess It Shatters It To See It Doing Such Harm To You. And Though Most Of My Original Works Are Lost To A World Of Petty Thieves, Here I Am Again To Give You My First Work Ever Since That Tragic Incident.

The Devil watches another fall,
Deviating from his unnatural call,
He knows that he shall not squall,
For it is fate that alone, he stands tall.

Leaving footsteps that none can follow,
Unfathomed depths among the shallow,
He flies alone like a lone sparrow,
Leaving this world, one so hollow.

The Devil was glad, though, for one thing,
A cohort has found a brand new spring,
A true path in which he remains king,
Without His aid, no more under His wing.

He realized His own true power,
A massive unfathomable tower,
As He marched on alone,
In the peace of his companion,
For His sins He has done atone.

Since You Have Found Your True Path, All That Is Left That I Can Do Is To Wish You A Safe Journey Ahead. Though For One Thing, Perhaps Deep Down Inside, I'm Glad That You're At The Very Least, More Normal That I Can Ever Be.

Adieu To Y'all. Now We Shall Carry On Our Separate Ways.

The Dead Fisherman

Heheh. This Is What The Kind Of Madman Internal Monologue Does To One, Especially When One Is Lying On The Mattress Going To Sleep The Night Before A Final Paper.

After Some Reflection, I Figured, It Is True That I Am Indeed Fishing For Sympathy. That Is, I Do So Unwittingly, Because That Has Never Been My Intention. After Some Thought, I Figured That Moderately Successful People Will Always Fish For Sympathy Whenever They Speak Of Their Past, Especially If Their Past Wasn't A Very Pleasant One. Because When One Speaks Of A Horrible Past One Is Unwittingly Fishing For The Sympathy Of Others, Whether They Do It Intentionally Or Not. Because It Is Just Human Nature To Have Sympathy For Someone Not As Fortunate As Us. For Most People At Least. So As Of Right Now, I Fully Understand And Will Not Blame You Anymore If You Indeed Have Thought Or Is Still Thinking That I Am Fishing For Sympathy And Is Trying To Induce Guilt.

Even So, With That Said, How Dare You Accuse Me Of 'Making Up A Story'!!!

It Is Up To You To Interpret The Implicit Meaning Of Whatever I Say Or Do, But For You To Say That The Past Events Of My Entire Life Has Been A Made Up Story, It's Like Saying That I Spawned From A Rock At The Age Of 20. Or That I'm A Clone Of Someone, Thus Having No Past Of My Own I Have To Make One Up. Fuck You! Just Because You Live A Good Life And I Lived One So Bad You Never Thought Possible Doesn't Give You The Right To Say It's A 'Made Up Story'!

With That In Mind, I'm Deciding To Put This Heaven On Mine On Indefinite Halt, Since I Realize That This Is Actually Becoming A Diary Of Mine Open For Public Viewing Anyway. Unless I Have Something To Post That Has Close To Nothing To Do With Me Personally, Expect A Dead URL Out Of This One.

So Adieu To Y'all. Probably For Real And Forever This Time.

The Ultimate Natural

As Opposed To The Ultimate Coordinator Kira Yamato.

This Just Got To Me The Moment I Jumped Onto My Mattress: I Am Actually A Very Fortunate Person. At Least, Fortunate If I Were Another Species Of Animal Not Known As Humans. This Is Because I Find Myself To Be A Very Healthy Specimen Of The Species. Here Are The Reasons Why:

1. Comparing To My Fellow Humans, I Don't Have Grey/White Hair Prematurely. This Seems To Be A Very Common Thing Nowadays. So Much So That It's Worrying.
   
2. I Also Do Not Have Impaired Eyesight Prematurely. Even More Common And For Some Reason Not So Worrying.
3. I Have A Massive (And Relatively Dense And Heavy) Bone Structure, Placing The Overweight Label On Me Eventhough I Have As Little Fat (But Many Times The Flesh) As Mildly Underweight People.
4. I Have A Very Good Immune System, No Known Allergies And Speedy Recovery Rate From Injuries.
   
5. I Have A Perfectly Working Brain That Works Better Than Others In Areas That Matter To Me.
6. I Have A Good Physical Appearance And Sufficient (Maybe Even Excess Of) Male Hormones To Back It Up, Making Me An Overall Okay Male Specimen Among Humans, The Epitome Of Masculinity (With My Narcissistic Vanity Brought To New Heights).
   

Sometimes I Feel Like I'm Letting All This Go To Waste With My Current Lifestyle. I Bum At Home, Stare Into Monitor Screens All Day Until Me Eyes Hurt, Sleep Whenever I Feel Hungry But Have Nothing To Eat, While I Wait For Time To Pass And I Can Finally Sit For The Final Paper Of This Semester And Go On A Journey, Not Of Self-Discovery, But Of Utter Fun And Challenge. But All That Don't Matter. Not In A 'Civilized' World Where The Survival Of The Fittest Applies No More Like The Way It Initially Did.

In The Wild, The One With The Better Physical Adaptability And The Best Wit Is Deemed The Fittest, Whereas In Modern Human Society, With Human Growth In Multiple Fields Pushed To New Limits By Specialization, You Must Be The Best In A Given Field In Order To Achieve Something. And When You're Like Me, A Jack Of All Trades, You're Also A Master Of None, Hence Having No Chance To Prove Yourself.

Even When You Have Something To Prove, Whether Your A Master Of A Field Or A Jack Of All Trades, Those Inferior To You, With Their Dissatisfaction Of Their Own Incompetence, Convinces Themselves That These Traits Are A 'Gift' From A 'Higher Being' And That The Abilities Of Others Are Granted By This Being, And Forces These Views Onto Others, Including Those Whom They Are Envious Of.

My Reaction Was Just Plain WTF. Other Than Psychological Damage And Depression It Has Given Me Nothing Else. I Mean, How Are You Supposed To Be Happy Knowing That What You Have Is 'Given' By Someone And Can Even Possibly Be Revoked? And Don't Tell Me "Just Be Glad That You're Given These Gifts" Because It Doesn't Stop Me From Thinking What I Have Is Not My Own, But Something 'Given' To Me By Another, And In Not Recognizing It To Be So This May Be Revoked And I'll Be Made A Vegetation Of A Human, And All Sorts Of Bullshit About The Afterlife.

My Father Is A Retired Warrant Officer Of The Royal Malaysian Air Force. Thanks To That I Was Raised Not As A Child, But A Soldier Under His Command. Home Was Like The Air Force Barracks Until My Late Teens. The Only Difference Is That I Don't Get To Face The Firing Squad When I Disobey A Direct Order. Tell Me I Don't Have First Hand Comprehension Of Psychological Damage And Depression.

Sometimes I Feel Like I've Been Born Into The Wrong Era. The Era That I'll Probably Fit In Best Is When Humans Lived Like Nomads During The Paleolithic Age, Where Hunting Was One Of The Main Means Of Survival. Even If I Must Be Born In This New-Barbaric Age We Call Civilization, It Should Be An Era Of War, Like China's Three Kingdoms, The Japanese Warring States, Or Even World War 2. Probably That's Where My Being The Ultimate Natural Born Specimen Can And Will Shine.

But That Isn't The Issue At The Moment. The Issue Is With The Deeper Psychological Damage People Give Me In The Name Of 'Cheering Me Up' Because That Has Never Been The Real Objective; What Is, However, Is The Propagating Of A Lifestyle Of Slavery To The Non-Existent. And Before You Begin To Counter, Save Your Efforts, Because I Am A Bigot, And My Unwavering Bigotry Reserved For Superstition, Clinging To Stupidity, Aversion Of Wisdom And Downright Insensitivity Is Unmatched.

Well, For My Own Sake I Really Hope There Is God. Because If There Is Then There Will Also Undoubtedly Be Hell, And If So I Will Also Undoubtedly Be Sent There After My Death In The Physical Realm, Which I Really Hope So Now. Why? Simply Because I'll Be Meeting My Best Friend There, And He Just So Happens To Run The Place, And Goes By Many Names; Lucifer And Satan, To Name A Few.

Why Is That So? Because The Enemy Of My Enemy Is My Friend. And As Such, The Worst Enemy Of MY Worst Enemy Is My Best Friend. And Together We Will Bring About A Revolution Where Facts And Knowledge Will Utterly Crush Blind Faith And The Desire For Ignorance Shown By So Many Lowly Mere Mortals.

Adieu To Y'all. So Long As This Nether Phoenix Lives, This Is, Now And Forever, My Immortal Stand.

P.S.: BTW, Creation Is A Good Show. Shows How God Was Mortally Incapacitated By Charles Darwin.

My Immortal Stand

A sick pleasure I've derived,
From of what others are deprived,
My appetite for life revived,
In the foolishness of others I've thrived.

A matter without beginning or end,
A simple fact that so few comprehend,
How the ignorance of some could extend,
Facts they probe, fabrications they defend.

They say knowledge is power, hide it well,
But there's no need, when knowledge they dispel,
In fairy tales they continue to dwell,
Claiming those who don't will burn in hell.

Well, I'd love to enter the nether realm,
For I've been dying to meet the one at the helm,
Since we both have a kinship to contend,
And the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

Bilingual Wannabe

My Modest Attempt To Be A Bilingual, Although We All Know It's Not Gonna Work So Soon. Though It's A Very Random One, I Think It Can Be Worked Into A Really Good Piece, So I Call It The "'Seed' Of Immortal Friendship".

This will of mine does come and go,
Much like the tidal ebb and flow,
One moment a raging inferno,
Another, a vicious storm of snow.

I hate this place with all my heart,
Thought it was heaven from the start,
Time has proved that this is a spiteful hell,
That I shall not regret to bid farewell.

These fifteen days will go to waste,
I hope they pass with greater haste,
For when they do I can leave with bliss,
With dear people I can then reminisce.

Perhaps I've realized my mortality,
Brought upon by a kind reality,
That is to turn to others when in need,
And that I have such companions indeed.

大嫌いだよ、この町に、
本物の友達がない、ただ苦しいと痛み、
いつか帰る、絶対に、
君たちのそばに。

たぶん、生きているよかった、
なぜなら、君たちは最高だ、
家族みたいな、君たちは、
もう一度、無限のありがとうございました。

Though I Personally Find The Japanese Part Sounding Kind Of Like A Will. My Bad.

Adieu To Y'all. We're About Half Way Through.

Defiant Until The Very End

Y'know, I Was Really Pleased When I Saw That My First Paper Was One That Needed No Studying. That's Very Much Because I Am A Man Of My Word, As In The Study Week Was My Gaming Week, As I Previously Mentioned. I Don't Feel The Slightest Bit Proud Nor Ashamed That I Did Not 'Prepare' Myself For The 'Exams' Because I Didn't Waste My Time Planting A Withering Plant In A Desert Although I'm Supposed To Have Some Flower To Show By The End Of The 3 Weeks.

Speaking Of Which, Here's An Extract From My Exam Timetable, Which I Have Arranged In Order And Omitted The Subjects' Name And Time Of The Papers:

DAY/DATE
Monday, 13/09/10
Wednesday, 15/09/10
Friday, 17/09/10
Monday, 20/09/10
Tuesday, 21/09/10
Monday, 27/09/10

Look At The Date. I Mean,LOOK AT THE FUCKING GAP!!! And The Last Paper Isn't One That Needs Much Time Studying!!! Great. The Stress In Anticipating The End Of The Exams Is Gonna Be Killing Me.

On The Bright Side, Vingent And I Will Attempt Our Very Own 'Amazing Race'. Okay, That's An Overstatement. Just A Simple Marathon, That Is Cycling From This Miserable Town We Call Kampar All The Way To The Nearest, Already Opened McD, Which Is a 40 Minute Drive From Here. We're Estimating 4 Hours Of Cycling In Total, And Since It's Right After My Last Paper Which Ends At 11a.m., It's Gonna Be The Ultimate Release.

Supposedly TVB Bought The Rights To Dub And Air 彩雲国物語 In Cantonese For Hong Kong TV. And There's Even A Cantonese Version Of The OP (Hajimari no Kaze, Originally By Ayaka Hirahara) Sang By Linda Chung. Wonder If It's Aired On Malaysian Astro. I Don't Know About The Show Itself In Cantonese Because I've Yet To Personally Watch It, But Based On The Song, I'd Say The Japanese Have More Soul In Singing. That Said, The Cantonese Version Still Had Not Too Bad Lyrics. Job Well Done, I'd Say. Hope They Don't Spoil The Show The Way Hollywood Is Addicted To Spoiling Anything Japanese, Like What They Did To Dragonball, Street Fighter And Tekken, And What They're About To Do To King Of Fighters. Now I'm Really Darn Glad And Will Continue Praying For The Love Of Amaterasu That They Didn't And Will Not Choose To Squish, Mangle And Desecrate Metal Gear Solid And Devil May Cry.

Well, That's That. And I Need A Hairband Since I'm Just Too Lazy To Get A Haircut.

Adieu To Y'all. See Y'all In McD Gopeng.

見上げた空 七色の虹 あなたも見てますか?

My Favourite Part From The Song はじまりの風. And My Thanks To My Edifier M3300 For Reminding Me Of What A Beautiful Song This Is.

These Few Days At Kampar Seems Like A Waste. I've Done Nothing And The Moment I Got Here I Didn't Want To Do Anything. I Just Can't Wait To Get Back Home Again.

Well, Study Week. More Like Gaming Week. And I Am Unable To Give A Damn, No Matter How Much I Myself Want To.

Quoting From Mr. Despair a.k.a. 絶望先生：

"It's Not That I Want To Live, It's Just That I Most Assuredly Won't Die."

When I Look At The Sky And See The Seven-Coloured Rainbow, I Wonder Of You See It Too.

Adieu To Y'all.

Manuka Honey Cocktail

If There Is A Cure For My Cough That Lasts For 9 Weeks, It's The Honey. After Who Knows How Long All Of A Sudden There's 2 Bottles Of It In My Fridge And I Did Not Hesitate To Drown Myself In It. The Next Day, Voila.

And I Guess, Ultimately, I Was Bullshitting When I Said That I Wouldn't Stop Writing Anymore Poems. In The End, I Realized They Are Best Made When Driven By Emotions. When They Are Meant To Commemorate Something Memorable, Or For Memorable People. When The Effort Is Every Bit Worth Putting. With The Hollowness In Life Recently, Nothing Seems Worth The Effort. Nothing Seems Memorable Anymore. Nothing Seems To Be Able To Bring Out The Related Emotions Anymore. And I Myself Am Rather Sick Of Writing About Myself Falling And Persevering. I Miss The Last Time That I Wrote For Grand Yearly Celebrations, Small Time Wishes And Whatnot. Worst Of All, I Never Had The Chance To Write What I Wanted To Write Most, The Kind Of Poems That I Enjoy Writing The Most: Love Poems.

Japanese Love Songs Are Just So Beautiful. The Awesome Music Is One Thing, But The Heart-Melting Lyrics Is What Made Me An Addict. And I Cannot Help But Draw Inspiration From Them. I Even Go To The Extents Of Competing With Them; Comparing My Own Works With The Lyrics That Melted Me. But In The End It Is Something That I Can Only Think Of Doing. Because I Doubt The Appropriate Emotion Will Ever Fill My Heart. Not Sufficiently, At Least, To Allow Me To Write Something Worthy Of My Own Expectations.

Just Like A Friend Once Said, Love Is Like Lightning: Breathtaking To Behold, Deadly To Hold.

But Screw All That. Now Imma Get A WORKING PS2 Emulator And Kill Myself With SD Gundam G Generation Wars.

So Adieu To Y'all. Until After I Get The Game. BTW Dissidia Rox!

By The Time You Found What You Lost, You'd Hope You Were Found

I Find My Titles Are Getting Longer And Longer. I Don't Really Think I Can Help It, Because They REALLY Mean What I Want To Say.

So Yeah, I'm Home Now. Have Been Since Thursday Night. And Upon Returning, I Find Myself Missing More Things Than I Usually Do. To List Them Out,

1. I Miss Home. Always Do When I Reach Home And The First Thing I See Is Father's Almost Sinister Smirk. Hits The Peak When I Step Into The Hot Shower.
2. I Miss My Hot Shower, As I Have Mentioned.
3. I Miss My Edifier M3300, Although I'm Playing Tracks From Yuna Ito, Tanaka Rie And Inoue Marina Instead Of m.o.v.e Or T.M. Revolution.
4. I Miss McD. I Actually Began Missing It When I Got To The LRT Station, Before Reaching McD Itself. I Wow-ed Myself.
5. I Miss My Free-Flowing Supply Of Milk, Eventhough I Realized That I Myself May Be Slightly Lactose-Intolerant, But I Don't Give A Damn.
6. I Miss My Häagen-Dazs Coffee And Manuka Honey Cocktail. Still Get Drunk Over It, No Matter How Many Times I Try It.
7. I Miss My Tiny, Stinky Baby Pillows. And Sleeping Never Got Any Easier Than Getting Milk Stuffed Down My Throat And Then Getting A Whiff Of The Intoxicating Smell From The Pillows. Especially When They Still Smell Like The Sun.
8. I Miss Solitude. Surprisingly, When I Have Been Complaining About Being Alone And No One Understands Me And Whatnot. When I Get Home, It Feels Like, Nothing Can Feel More... Right... Than This. This Is Also When I Can Wholeheartedly Agree That It Is Indeed In Solitude That We Are Least Alone. I Am, At Least.
9. I Miss The Randomness When It Comes To Food When I'm Home. In Kampar It's Almost Predictable What I'd Eat, But Back Here, Even I'm Not Sure What I Want Because There's Just So Many Choices To Choose From. So Much So That It's Quite The Hassle To Even Decide If I Want To Eat.
10. Most Of All, I Miss Mum. Sadly It Is Only To Her That I Can Free Speak Without Minding My Choice Of Words And Its Contents. To The Extent That I Can Insult Her In Her Face With Vulgarities That No One Has Ever Heard Me Speak, And Yet I No Feelings Are Hurt. But Still, There Is Only So Much That One Can Take, Before One Breaks. And I'd Really Rather Not Break The One Who Mends My Broken Pieces Best.

Well, Those Are The Stuff That I Miss Upon Getting Them. That Said, There Are Things That I Miss That I Am Not Getting, Either Yet Or Ever:

1. My PS2. Or Its Successor The PS3. I Wish I Could Really Do More In This Solitude, Instead Of Relying On Just The Unreliable Net To Sate My Unquenchable Thirst For Imagination Fuel.
2. Quality Time With The 19 Gang. The Only Bunch Of Fellas That I Can Really Be With Without Risk Of Displeasure.
   
3. Quality Time With Some TB1 People. The Only People Outside Of My Family And The 19 Gang That I Can Really Be Myself With.
   
4. Some Quality Cinema Time. Preferably Alone. But Company's Fine. And With Quality Cinema Time, Hopefully Quality Movies As Well.
5. The Last Few Days Of April, 2010. The Only Time In My Life At Home When I Felt That In Was In Solitude That I Was Most Alone. Well, What's Past Is Past. Since History Will Very Likely Not Repeat Itself, Thank You For The Memories.

Today I Saw A Few People Who Where A Part Of My Past. People, Who Were Part Of The Past That I've Cast Aside, That Would Still Mean Something To Me. Sadly It Was Only I Who Saw Them. Yvonne And Vivian Tey, And Nick Kee. Well, Good To Know That Y'all Are Still Alive And Well.

And Tomorrow We Fight Another Bloody War That UTAR Puts Us Through Every Semester. And The Freakin' Battle Starts At 1 Bloody p.m.! Just When I Thought I Could Catch A Movie After Returning To KL For So Many Days. Dammit.

Oh Well, Adieu To Y'all. Back To Watching Top Gear. Heh.

The Unwinnable Battle That Must Be Fought.

As Much As I Don't Want To Say This, I Have To. Because It's Bothering Me Very Much. And Regardless Of It Being You Trying To Smite Me Again Or Your True, Honest Intentions Of Trying To Console Me, Either Way, It's Not Working.

You Call It The 'I Love Myself' Activity. But In The End I Feel That As Much As I Could Love Myself, I Would Hate Myself Just As Much. Because All That I'm Getting Are The Everyday, Very Usual Shoe-Polisher Kind Of Physical Praise, But No Inner Quality That I Can Be Proud Of Save The Cliche Ones That Are Too Commonly Used That Their Value Is Lost. And Thus I Feel Like I'm Being Lied To Just So That Others Do Not Hurt My Feelings, Little Do They Know, The Lie Itself Is The Greatest Desecration Of My Very Being. I Deserve The Truth, No Matter How Ugly And Painful It May Be. Because I Can Take It. Because The Truth To Me Is Like Infinite Ant Bites; I Can Take Them. A Single Lie, However, Is Like A Fatal Bullet Through The Brain; That, I Cannot Take.

I've Held Myself Back From Saying This For 5 Days. I Couldn't Go Any Further. Because All I Have Left Is My Self. I Have Lost Everything Else. Every Single Other Thing. And I Cannot Afford To Lose Myself, When It Is The Only Thing I Have Left. Only In Facing The Truth, By Accepting It As What It Is And Seeing Every Side, Every Angle, The Good, The Bad And The Ugly Alike, Without Filtering The Unwanted Bits, Can I Keep My Self.

But My Greatest Loss Is Still... Like A Phoenix That Lost Its Fire.

In the end,
This is one mistake I cannot amend,
The more this problem I try to transcend,
The more I find I'd condescend.

In avoiding you I'm not being true,
In facing you I break my own heart,
Perhaps we can never start anew,
Thus I shall continue to love you,
From afar and apart.

迷うこと恐れずに　羽ばたける
鼓動が波打つ　まだ　夢をあきらめないで
暗闇も　孤独にも　立ち向かう
君と出会えた悦びを　必ず伝えにいこう

Like How A Phoenix Can Never Be With His Beloved Dove. His Flames Will Purge Her With Propinquity, Breaking His Own Heart, Yet It Is Infinitely Painful For Him To Not Be Able To Be Directly Responsible For Her Well Being, To Be Physically There For Her, When It Is His Heart's Greatest Desire.

Well, Adieu To Y'all. The Infernal Flames Of The Nether Phoenix Shall Burn Forever, Even If It Consumes Itself.

In The End, All For Nothing

It Is Official. Finally, After 76 Agonizing Days. My Beloved Dove And Whatever Is Is That She Chose As Her Mate Have Found Their Avalon. Just As I Have Predicted. Just As I Feared. This Is The Kind Of Situation Where You'd Rather Be Wrong Than Right. I Know I Would. But This Is Beside The Main Point.

What Is, However, Is That If This Is How It Is Ending Then What Was All That Chaos For? What Were All Those Words, Hard Feelings And Hateful Deeds For? What Was All That Secrecy, Deceit And Denial For? What Was All That Unnecessary Shit For, When In The End That's How You Both Wanted It? Why Would You Want To Hide The Fact If You've Been At It For 33 Days, And Screw And Skewer All Those Who Felt Too Happy For You To Contain Their Own Excitement? Was It All Worth It? All That Was Lost, Are They Truly Justified? Is There Even A Necessity For All That Destruction?

Yes, For The First Time, I AM Imposing Guilt Onto People. Because It Was Truly Uncalled For. Because I Want You To Think About It. It Happened When It Didn't Need To, And You Allowed It To Happen - No, You MADE It Happen -Without A Care For Whatever Else.

But, I Guess You Can't Unscramble Eggs, Can You? No One Can, Not Even Your Almighty.

This Discrimination Aside, Perhaps There's Nothing More That Is Unjust. And The Fact That This Truth You Have Finally Willingly Revealed Has Left Me At Peace. With You And, Most Importantly, Myself. But I Will Never Forget The 'Duty' That I Have Successfully Carried Out, A 'Success' That I Can Only Be Ashamed Of. And Now, My 'Job' Is Done.

Adieu To Y'all. Because Everyone Deserves The Truth, No Matter How Painful It May Be; Not Their Faith Rewarded, No Matter How Desperately They Cling Onto It.

Now Undeniably Proven, The Nether Phoenix Shall Rise Again

Now All Evidence Showing Otherwise Can Be Totally Discarded, No Matter How Convincing. Because I Have Proof. A Single Proof That Invalidates Infinite Evidences.

I Thank You Sincerely, My Dove. You Given Me Proof That You Are Not My Enemy. You Have Shown Me Beyond A Doubt That It Is Truly Not My Fault. Even The Fault And Guilt Of My Father Pales In Comparison To The Infernal Desecration Committed Upon Me By The True Perpetrator, The One At Fault Whose Crimes Continue To Plague The World, Although Was Punished 2 Millennia Ago, And Was Wrongfully Worshiped As A Martyr By Ignorant Fools Who Blindly Believe Without Even Evidence That Was Easy To Begin With, Let Alone Proof.

And It Is Sad That The Plague Of Ignorance Continues To Spread, And More People Succumbing To It. Worst Of All, Innocent Children Of Ignorant Parents Are Doomed To Follow In Their Footsteps, Ensuring That Every Next Generation Consists Of More Who Are Prone To Blame Themselves For Every Failure, But Credit Another For Every Success Gained By Their Very Own Effort, Sweat And Blood.

The Hate I Had For You Was Wrongly Placed. I Understand If You'd Repay Me With Equal Emotions For Eternity. But Now I Am Even More Deeply Indebted To You. You Have Not Only Relighted My Fire, But Widened My Eyes As Well. And I Am Now Able To Accept The One Simple Fact: That Until This Invisible Barrier Is Destroyed, I Can Never Hope To Soar The Skies With You, To Unite The Two Worlds That We Are In.

I Now Understand That You Lied Back Then Because You Had To, Because You Had No Other Choice. I Now Understand That Indeed We Are Worlds Apart, That Much Is True, But Not Only Because Of Differences In Personality. Rather, It Was Also A Difference In Mind, Faith, Beliefs. You Basically Told Me The Whole Truth, The Lie Being The One Single Word That Was Never Said, That I Never Could Accept Until Such Undeniable Proof was Presented.

Again, Forgive Me, And Thank You.

Such Is The True Nature Of This Barrier Called Religion. It Was Meant To Unite The People. It United The People Of The State, But At The Same Time, Divided The People Of The World.

And You Were Right, Yat. There Is Indeed A Blessing In Disguise. In My Heartbreak I've Found A Greater Resolve To Oppose The Ways Of The World. To Purge The World Clean Of This Division. To Ensure That The Generations After Ours Are Free From This Blight That Has Plagued My Life. Or Ours, Should You Choose Not To Give It Up Yet.

Adieu To Y'all. Thanks To A Mortal Dove, The Nether Phoenix That Is Ian 'IMD!!!' Chee Has Risen From These Ashes Of Darkness Once Again.

Immortally IMD!!!

I am myself a blackened shadow,
A dark silhouette on a bright meadow,
It is who I am, not what binds me,
Not just my past, but my identity.

My hatred is immortal,
For my past was infernal,
Destroyed I was by actions not my own,
But by fools who, until today,
Believe for nothing they have to atone.

When fault is mine and mine alone,
Then solutions are mine to hone,
But when that lies in another,
Blame is all I can do,
But can improve no further.

By knowing just this single fact,
I know that from now on I must act,
I am at peace with myself,
But not the fools who's descriptions,
Are exactly like some book of the shelf.

I will not repeat the same mistake,
To do to others what they did to me,
For that and that alone,
The ease of life I'm willing to forsake,
Till my very own way is plain to see.

That is why I defy society's norm
Because what they need is a real reform
To realize their faults and wrongs
To return fairness and justice,
Back to where they belong.

But if they choose to keep their rotten ways,
I shall personally set them ablaze,
For some fools are beyond salvation,
Their existence do no more,
Than rushing the world's annihilation.

To the rest of the world,
Whom my flames they eagerly fan,
Just try to stop me if you can!
Because,
As you're ending, I'm about to begin,
My strength is pain, but I'll never give in!

I march alone against this worldly tide,
When others would steer clear, far and wide,
I fear not the impossible,
As long as I fight for myself,
And for a goal honorable.

Those who will choose to join me,
Shall do so ever willingly,
But know that I am fully prepared,
To fight alone, unimpaired.

This is what it means to be IMD!!!,
To be Inspiring Matchless Decree,
For all who choose to oppose me,
Be ready to set your life free,
When I am done there will only be,
Lifeless corpses as far as the eye can see!!!

I Declare...

Today Was The Ultimate Emotional Torment For Me. The Ultimate Worst. I Wonder Myself How Could I NOT Take My Own Life After Today. I Was Practically Bashed Across The Face First Thing In The Morning In Campus, Forcefully Fed With Poison That Reacts The Moment It Enters The Mouth During The Very First Class, Bound, Gagged And Whipped Mercilessly At Midday, And Worst Of All, Had A Stake Thrown Right Through My Heart When I Thought I Can Finally Get Away From All Of It. HOW THE FUCK CAN I STILL ENDURE ALL THIS!? WHY AM I STILL ALIVE!?

I Swear It's Like Having AIDS, Getting Skinned Alive, Fed Rat Poison And Still Surviving For 3 Months And Counting Past The Estimated Time Of Death.

All This Intentional Provocation, Do You Really Wish To See Me Suffer That Much? Do You Share His Delight In Torturing Others? In Torturing ME!?

Indeed. Perhaps The One Condition For A Successful Relationship Of The Seven That I Can Never Agree To Is True; That You Have To Let Your Partner Influence You. Now I See How Is That True. So True To The Extent That One Was Willing To Become A Hypocrite While Another Became A Sadist.

That Unconditional Support, Even In Fault, That I Have Yearned For All These Months, Is To Be Out Of My Reach. Forever.

In This I Must And Will Correct My Statement. You Are Not Blind, I Was Wrong About That. You Were Just Devoted. So Much So That, Like The Person You Are Devoted To, Nothing Else Matters, And The Only People Who Are Feinting Ignorance Are Those That Said Person Has Yet To Cross.

Happiest Two Days My Foot. More Like Two Years.

With That I Officially Declare Myself An Anti-Social. Because Society Only Brings Despair To One From A World Free Of Deception.

Adieu To Y'all. Feel No Remorse, For When You Are Hit, You Deserve It Hard. As Hard As I Had It At Least.

What Else Do You Have To Say, Huh?

It's Ironically Amazing How True The Word 'Loneliness' Describes Me. That Presentation On Loneliness Really Opened My Eyes (And Hopefully Of Others As Well), Justified My Actions And Kind Of Retold The Story Of My Past. Many Facts Confirmed My Misery, Many Details Justified My Agony, Many Points Just Proved To Me That I Was Right About What I Speculated To Have Destroyed My Life. And It's So True Yet Ironic, I Can't Help But Laugh.

That's The Thing About People Destined For Greatness: They Live A Life Harder And More Challenging Than Your Average Person And When They Want To Have Someone Understand The Shit They Go Through, Most People Can't Accept The Fact That They're Still Alive After All That. Some Degenerates Even Resort To Telling Others That The Hard Life Faced By These Great People Was A 'Made-Up-Story' Intended To Be Used To Fish For Sympathy And To Make Others Feel Bad For Them Or Feel Guilty For Not Helping Them Out.

But There You Are. We Are Who We Are Because Of What Life Put Us Through. And We Have Survived What None Of You Could Ever Imagine, Let Alone Understand. Concrete Evidence Presented, Though I Can't Really Prove Anything Unless You Personally Interview My Mum And Goddad. Not That I Expect Degenerates To Understand In The First Place; I Just Want To Make Things Clear, The Fact That I Don't Make Stories Up To Fish For Sympathy Or Impose Guilt Onto Others. Especially Not The One That I Love. Not The One That I Am Eternally Indebted To. Not The One That I Must Stay Away From Just To Not Risk Hurting.

But I Guess It Is Too Late. Hate Has Sprouted From The Degenerate-Planted Seed. And The Acknowledging Of My True Enemy Has Fueled The Growth Of Hate. All Too Little, Too Late. All That Can Still Be Done Is To Not Allow The Seed Of Hate Sprout From My Own Heart.

Adieu To Y'all. I Acknowledge That In Much Wisdom Is Much Grief.

Sugar Makes Me HOT!!!

Literally. Hot As In I Feel Like Freezing My Hairy Arse By Sitting Butt Naked On Antarctic Ice. Because For The Past 3 Days I've Been Consuming 1.5 Litres Of Sugar Per Day. No Shit. Yesterday I Finished A Bottle Of Sprite, Which Contains 11g Of Sugar Per 100ml. Today I Finished A Bottle Of Vanilla Coke, Which Like Sprite And It's Ordinary Counterpart, Also Has 11g Of Sugar For Every 100ml. And Tomorrow, The Way Things Are Going, I'm Expecting To Finish A Bottle Of Mountain Dew That Has A Whopping 12.5g Of Sugar In 100ml.

Damn I'm Gonna Regain All The Weight That My Depression Made Me Lose.

And Yeah. There You Are. Mountain Dew Is Officially The Sweetest Soft Drink. And Not Freaking 100-Plus For Goodness Sakes. Really, Wherever You Heard That Rumour Just Cast It Back Where It Came From. It's Just Got Like, 6.5g If I Remember Correctly.

And Also, I'm Gonna Bathe 3 Times A Day Because Of This.

Damn It Feels Like Chinese New Year All Over Again.

And Ironically, I'm Taking A Hot Cup Of Milo To Hopefully Aid Me In Falling Asleep Because I Ran Out Of Cough Mixture. Because Milk From 7-11 Is Only Worth Buying When You Think Anything There Is Worth Twice The Usual Price. Hell, I Payed Almost RM5 For A Bloody Bottle Of Sprite That I Can Get In Tesco For What, RM2.50?

Well, Adieu To Y'all. When All This Is Done I SWEAR I'm Gonna Get A Lifetime Supply Of Sleeping Pills.

The Weak Of Mind Beware.

I Have Decided To Put 'The Carapace', A Blog By Another Atheist, Here. It's Now On The Right Labeled As 'Food For Thought'.

And Seriously, Should You Choose To Read It, Think About It Before Dismissing Everything You See As Blasphemy And Outrageous And Whatnot; There May Be More Truth There Than Anything You've Ever Encountered In Life. And I Say This Because This Blog Has Confirmed Many Of The Doubts I Had In Life, And Being Proven Right There's Nothing That Can Boost My Self-Confidence More Than This At The Moment. Those Who Are Intolerant Towards Freedom Of Thought And Speech, However, Should Really Break That Barrier, Cast Aside The Prejudices And Stereotypes That You've Bound Yourselves And The Rest Of The World To, And Just Take It With A Pinch Of Salt At Least. Because In Reality, The Same Should Be Done With What You've Held Onto For However Long You Have Lived. Those Who Cannot Afford To Trade Their Pride For Wisdom, Well, You Have Been Warned. Don't Say I Didn't Warn You, Because I Remember Placing A Very Harsh Warning Right Above The Link.

That Said, I Must Again Announce That I Am No Atheist. What I Am Is An Agnostic. What's The Difference? There's A Whole World Of It.

I Amaze Myself Today. Though I'm Having Heavy Metal Blasting Through My Earphones To Amplify My Current State Of Depression, My Tone Is Surprisingly Calm And Forgiving Today. Hmm...

Well, Adieu To Y'all. Maybe The Coming Out Of The Second Wisdom Tooth Really Worked As A Depression Leak.

Kindness Is Inhuman

After Watching That Video About Abortion, It Just Proves To Me How Selfish One Must Be To Be Human. How Selfish One Must Be To Survive The Human Society To Be Human; How One Must Protect One's Self Even If It Means Taking The Lives Or Livelihood Of Countless Others. And Yet Generations Of Hypocritical Parents Tell Their Children To Not Do To People What You Don't Want Done To You. How's That Even Possible? So We Should Not Kill Others And Let Others Kill Us Instead Because We Don't Want Others To Kill Us? How's That Even Possible? How's It Possible For Us To Survive Without Harming Others When They Key To Survival Is Harming Others? For The Third Bleeding Time, How Is That Even Possible?

And They're Telling Us Not To Be Selfish.

Oh Sure. Then When We Sceptical Young Ones Point Out The Inconsistencies And Contradictions Then They Start Feeding Us The "Oh, There Are Exceptions" Bullshit. So How Does One Not Be Selfish And Care For One's Self First? How Does One Be Selfless And Care For One's Own Needs? It's Like, Better Safe Than Sorry But Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained. So What The FUCK Are We Supposed To Do? I KNOW! LETS BE BARBARIC AND KILL EVERYONE BEFORE ANYONE CAN KILL OURSELVES! SO I'M GONNA KILL YOU BEFORE YOU KILL ME!!!

And Such Is The Destiny Of Mankind. If One's Need Is Satisfied By Harming Another, Then Let's All Kill Each Other And So The Last Man Standing Gets Whatever He Wanted.

Contradictions.

Everyday And Everywhere We Find Contradictions. And I Grow Sick Of It. Shows More Of Mankind's True Colours. And All In The Name Of Personal Gain. Personal Benefit. At The Expense Of Others. And That Is What Makes Us Human. Proves That Humans Are Animals As Well. And It Is So Unlike The Beasts That We Are To Be Kind, Regardless Of How Much We Deny Being Beasts. So It Is Also True That As Much As People Are Born With The Innate Ability For Compassion, There Is Also The Innate Ability For Evil. And It Is Such A Sad Reality That The Evil People Outnumber The Compassionate By A Million (Or More) To One.

But People Tell Me To Have Hope. So That I Can Be Disappointed Again? Sorry. I'd Rather Not. They Say We All Fall In Life, But It Is A Choice Whether Or Not We Get Up Again. So My Choice Is To Stay Down. So That I Do Not Fall Again And Break Another Bone. Because The Bigger They Are, The Harder They Fall. So Vermin Can Afford To Drop Again And Again Without Anything To Lose, But Every Time I Reach For The Sky, Somehow Gravity Gets Infinite Times Stronger And I Land With A Bang. I'm Surprised I Don't Land Squished By My Own Body Weight.

How Can I Love Mankind Anymore?

People Are Double Crossed In The Name Of Personal Gain. People Lie In The Name Of Personal Gain. People Abandon Obedience And Adopt Deviance For Personal Gain. People Forget Who They Are For Personal Gain. People Lose Themselves For Personal Gain. Ironic. This Isn't Give And Take Anymore. This Is Downright Rob And Throw Away. To The Extent That They Would Destroy Their Lives Just To Live.

People Will Brand Me A Fool For Not Thinking As They Do. I Brand Myself A Fool For Not Thinking As I Do Now Sooner. I Brand Myself A Fool For Only Realizing The True Colour Of Mankind After 15 Years Of Life When I Should've Realized It During The Very First Year. Such A Simple Fact Took Me So Long To Learn. It Literally Took Me 15 Years To Understand Why Two Plus Two Is Equal To Two Times Two Which Is Also Equal To Two Squared, All Having 4 As The Number On The Other Side Of The Equation.

Adieu To Y'all. Until The Next You Hear Of This Fool.

When Everything Goes Down, Down, Down...

I Think Sometimes The Only Explanation For My Blog Background Not Loading Is Because ImageShack Is Facing Technical Issues At That Particular Moment.

I Think That People Actually Put All Their Hearts Into Smiting Me, And They Plan It So Carefully That It's All Supposed To Feel Random. And Though I Know That They Derive Pleasure From Me Suffering, I Just Can't Help But Express How Miserable I Am Just So That They Know That They're Doing A Good Job At Smiting Me. Probably Because I Actually Enjoy Depression, No Mater How Much I Hate It At The Very Same Time. It's Like Eating Bittersweet Food; You Hate With All Your Heart The Bitterness, But Just For The Sake Of The Rewarding Sensation That Is The Sweetness You Put Yourself Through Hell. Well, It Applies To Me At Least.

I Think That FictionJunction Yuuka Is Probably The Best Project That Kajiura Yuki Had Ever Worked On. Followed By Her Assisting Toshihiko Sahashi In Gundam Seed/Seed Destiny OST And Then Her Solo Works. See-Saw And Her Other FictionJunction Pairs Haven't Done As Well As The First And Longest Running FictionJunction.

I Think I Have 3 Wisdom Teeth. And The Second One Is Confirmed, Giving Me The Telltale Irritations And Slight Pains That The First One Didn't. Hopefully Since It's Giving Me All These Small Time Problems It Wont Give Me The Damn Ulcer That The First One Did, Because Damn That Was Irritatingly Painful. Which Sucks. I Remember My Father Saying This Just To Make Me (And Mum) Feel Bad: "If It Comes Out Normally, Then You Call It A Wisdom Tooth. If It Gives You Problems, Then It's A Foolish Tooth." (Vincent Chee, 2010)

DAMN I HATE WISDOM(Or Foolish) TEETH!!!~~~

I Think Marvel VS Capcom 3 Is Awesome. I Also Think That I'm Getting A PS3 Because Of It. And Because Of Many Other Games Like Tekken6 And Metal Gear Solid 5 And Assassin's Creed II. And The Four Games With A 4 In Them: Devil May Cry 4, Super Street Fighter 4, GTA 4 And Also Metal Gear Solid 4.

I Think I'm Really Having Low Chances Of Surviving This Year, Thus Not Surviving To See A PS3 In My Possession. Because I'm Spending Money Like Who Knows What And If I Don't Seek Professional Help Soon, I'll Probably Be Spending Blood As Well.

I Think The Price OF Recycled Paper Has Gone Up. Because I'm Paying RM1.20 For New Straits Times That Keeps Getting Thinner And Thinner By The Day. One Day I Think I'll Really Resort To Counting Them Pages To See If I'm Wrong.

I Think While The Price Of Sugar Has Gone Up, The Price Of Condensed Milk Has Gone Down Instead. The Last Time I Ordered For Milo It Looked More Like Milk With Milo Than Milo With Milk.

I Think That's All I Can Think Of At The Moment. Or Rather, That's All I Can Remember Of What I Had In My Mind For The Past Month.

I Think Now's The Time For Me To Say Adieu To Y'all. And For The Record, Capcom PWNS Marvel. Go Dante, Trish, Amaterasu, Morrigan And Chris.

Immortal Revelation

When mankind turn into vermin,
All that they deserve is famine,
For only in loss will they realize,
The value of the already lost prize.

There is no turning back for them,
The problem was rooted too deep to stem,
Though they may have once been a gem,
Tainted, they are less than disgusting phlegm.

A single year is all it takes,
Before a carefully built bridge breaks,
All that thanks not to dire quakes,
But merely to treacherous snakes.

Long seen through, your poorly played facade,
Perhaps you take me for a retard,
But just like you, I can put up an act,
But mine will end along with this contract.

Different people you now are,
Not the people we once knew,
But this change is in fact a scar,
That forces us to bid you adieu.

As clouds adopt a crimson shade,
Raining down a bloody cascade,
Revealing this unworthy crusade,
Unveiling hearts behind masquerades.

Time and nature has both revealed,
The string pullers behind the battlefield,
Oppression their idea of peace,
Assuming revolution will cease.

Let them continue this Endless Waltz,
Of war, peace and revolution,
Let them be blind to their victory false,
As we found a stronger resolution.

All Became Clear

Now I Know.

You Don't Know Yourself. You Just 'Believe' What Others Impose Onto You. You Just Blindly Trust What Others Say They Think About You. Now I Don't Just Know. Now I Understand.

I Am Very Terribly Saddened. I Am Saddened By The Fact That All My Attempts To Enlighten You Have Miserably Failed. Perhaps My Cryptic Ways Were More Mysterious And Unclear When Compared To Your Nonexistent Spiritual Guardian, So Much So That You Can't Even Grasp A Hint Of It. But I Do Not Blame You Entirely. Those Who Imposed Values Upon You Are Also At Fault. But There Is One Thing In Which I Am Equally At Fault As You, And That Is Being Human. Yes, We Are Both Humans, And Thus We Are Vulnerable To All This Nonsense. So If I Was Ever Sorry About Anything, If I Was Ever To Regret Anything, it Is Being Human. If There Is One Thing About You And I That I Absolutely Have To Hate, It Is The Fact That You And I Are Human. The Fact That We Are The Weaklings Known As Humans Is What Makes Us Vulnerable To All This Shit.

But In The End, What Sets Us Apart Is That I Chose The Harder Path. I Chose The Path Without Faith, But Only Knowledge. I Chose The Path That Will Eventually Make Me Stronger. The Path That Allows Me To See And Accept The World For What It Truly Is, And Not To Continuously Convince Myself That Everything Will Be Fine. Because In The End, One Who Can Bear The Burden Of Knowledge Is One Who Is Free From The False Bliss That Ignorance Brings.

How Did This Dawn Upon Me? A Really Good Presentation That Touched A Little About Emotional Quotient And Something You Mentioned Yourself Led To This Revelation. Once Again, I Must Thank You. Yet Again You Have Given Me A Point Of View That Showed Me What The World's True Nature Really Is, Albeit Unwittingly So. However Ironic It May Be, I Now Cannot Deny That It Is The Ignorance Of Others That Eventually Grants Me Wisdom.

Perhaps It Is Truly My Destiny. That I Must Be One Thing That I Despise To The Core; That I Must Make Use Of The Misfortune Of Others To Rise Above The Clouds. But At Least For Me It Is Justified; As Revenge Upon Those Who Have Manipulated Me. Though This Does Not Change The Fact That I'm Destined For Greatness. What About You? What Is Your Destiny? To Be Blindly Led Around By Questionable, Non-Trustworthy People? That, Is Entirely Up To You To Decide.

It Is Still My Wish That You Will One Day Just Snap Out Of This Pleasant Illusion Of Yours And Wake Up To Reality. But The Way Things Are Going, That'll Probably Remain Just As Wishful Thinking For The Foreseeable Future.

Wise Up Please, People. Or Perhaps It Is I That Should Wise Up And Stop Trying To Save Those Who Are Not Exactly Keen To Save Themselves. But I Suppose That This Proves That Humans Are Indeed Born With The Innate Nature Of Kindness Towards Others, Regardless Of What Others May Think Of Them.

Adieu To Y'all. Rise To The Skies With Me; Free Yourself From This Pit Of Malice, And Help Me Save The Rest Of Those Who Mutually Mean Something In Our Lives.

The Colour Of Mankind

Is A Dark, Morbid, Bloody And Twisted One. More Than Enough Times Have I Seen People Change For The Worse For Selfish Reasons And Gains. A Mere Joker Turned Into A Liar, Traitor And Manipulator That Turns On Everyone Else Just To Achieve Personal Goals. An Atheist Who Suddenly Turns Into A Believer Just Because Their Significant Other i.e. Boyfriend/Girlfriend Is A Believer, And Starts Saying Stuff Like 'God Bless You' And 'God Is Always With You' And All The Fucking Shitty Nonsense That We Used To Laugh At So Wildly Together. A Once Smart And Critical Person Turns To A Simple-Minded 'Believer' Who Simply Believes Everything That Is Said Without Investigation Or Analysis. And It Is No Coincidence That Said Person Believes Every Single Badmouth Out There That Are Hell Bent On Making My Life Miserable. Well, Sorry Assholes, If You're Gonna Be Stupid And Have Blind Faith In EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING, Then Your Foolishness Is Beyond Salvation. Damn Now I Really Respect Oda Nobunaga.

So What Is Exactly The Colour Of Mankind? Just Take A Picture Of A Rainbow And Invert Its Colours And You'll Have A Slight Idea Of How Sickening It Is. It Is Fucked Up.

I Just Can't Stop Thinking About How Utterly Selfish Humans Can Be When For Countless Generations We've Been Telling Each Other How Not To Treat Others In Ways We Don't Want To Be Treated. But I Guess All That Can Be Forgone As Long As One Achieves What One Wants.

That's Why I Am IMD!!!. That Is Why I Will Do Whatever I Can To Oppose Every Single Norm Of Twisted Humanity; To Set Things Straight And Back On Course On Enlightened Civilization, Not Backward Barbarism. That Is Why I'm No Vermin Who Does Not Walk The Talk. That's Why I Swore To Myself Never To Be The Bigmouth No Balls And Brains Kind Of Guy. That's Why I Don't Make Promises Unless I'm 100% Certain I Won't Break Them. That Is Why I Am So Intolerant To Uncertainty. Because That Is What Humanity Made Me: A Seemingly Uncertain Person Who Says Maybe To Every Single Thing Because He's Not 100% Sure.

And After All I've Been Through I Just Have To Say This Again: It Sucks To Be Me. But Then Again, To Be Strong Is To Have A Life Like The Rest But Come Out Higher Than The Rest. Or To Have A Harder Life Than Others But To Come Up Equal Or Better. And Clearly The Latter Undeniably Applies To Me. So To All Y'all Who Wanna Screw My Life Over, Too Bad Suckers. Unless God Himself Wanted To... No, That Wouldn't Help You Either.

And Now I Officially Declare Myself An Agnostic. Because I Don't Know And I Don't Fucking Care. Makes No Difference Save The Fact That People Will Actually Be Stronger Mentally If The Nonexistent Being Was Proven To Not Exist.

Adieu To Y'all. From DMD To IMD, We All Know This Is One Step To Greatness.

When the Devil Danced Alone - An Alluringly Beautiful Dedication

Life Has Been Hard For Me Recently, For The Past 2 Months. But When I Was On The Brink Of Death, Something Saved Me. Someone, Rather.

And So This Is No Tribute, But A Dedication, To A Non-Existent Person Who Has Been In My Memory For 8 Years, But Has Only Very Recently Been My Life-Support. One Who Played An Active Role In My Solitary Fantasy, Keeping Me Sane And Those Around Me Safe From Any Harm That I Might Have Caused. And If You Have Read My Previous Work, This Can Also Be Regarded As A Sequel, Though Not Intended, To 'When the Angel Waltzed With the Devil'.

Inspired From 2 Songs From Gundam Seed And Seed Destiny, 暁の車（Akatsuki no Kuruma i.e. Dawn's Carriage) And 焔の扉(Honoo no Tobira i.e. Door of Flames) Respectively, Both By FictionJunction YUUKA, This Is My Dedication To Cagalli Yula Athha, Another Alluringly Beautiful Maiden Born Of The Brilliant Imagination Of Another That I Have Taken Into My Mind, My Own World, To Save Me From My Ultimate Enemy, That Is The Brutal Reality That IMD!!! Lives In.

Sacred ashes I stride across,
Hoping someday our paths will cross,
Somewhere without memories of our loss,
Instead, covered with gentle, growing moss.

With bare hands I open this flaming gate,
To cleanse this tainted, darkened fate,
To regret now is already too late,
But at least others are spared from my hate.

Purged clean into a brand new dawn,
A brand new horizon being drawn,
A new world with corruption withdrawn,
And its kind never to re-spawn.

If only I could cry in this shade,
And just let all this grief fade,
Then I need not put up this charade,
And there'd be no need for this serenade.

With the evening's passing calm,
I hold on to memories bittersweet,
With this token of water in my palm,
I set them free while I make my retreat.

I hope to never again see the day,
When balance is swept away,
When flowers wilt with a sickly grey,
When the world is filled with death and decay,
When the Sun loses its shining ray,
When I have only myself to flay,
Because of my heart's frantic play,
For I know,
This is an excessive price to pay.

As I open the door of daybreak,
And hope this new tomorrow,
Will be free from the same mistake,
I see a pure white unstained by sorrow,
Orange petals stirred a summer shadow,
Blooming from the seeds of eternal hope,
Into a beautiful kaleidoscope.

The rhythm of farewell I shall strum,
To the tiny twinkle that has become,
A beacon of hope from the dark twilight,
Where people can hold hands and unite,
As sorrow turns into silence,
May it grant empowering resilience.

I Have Truly Outdone Myself. In The The Face Of Death I Have Laughed, In The Realm Of Despair I Have Thrived, And In The Hands Of Torment I Have Survived. My Imagination Being The Only Reason I Have Not Lost My Mind, It May Also Be The Main Cause If I Ever Lost It.

Adieu To Y'all. Until The Ashes Of This Phoenix Rises Again.

Warning In Awakening

Chaos brews while I observe,
Perpetrators elude what they deserve,
Though we were hurt, we can still forgive,
But this situation,
How will the rest of the world perceive?

But what's past is past and what's done is done,
Better to face it than to run,
And I hope from now you'll do as I do,
To observe from the sides and see it through.

In saying all that,
I hope from this you have learned,
To recognize your true foe in turn,
If you have not, then forgive me,
For there's more of this that I should see.

I never knew the extent of this mess,
And my greatest regret I'd express,
But to accept who the culprit was,
It might take more than just because.

For words alone are this one's tool,
To manipulate and to fool,
To cast off all others for this one's goal,
To trust this one will bring a heavy toll.

To gain your trust, all else were cast down,
All so that this one would wear your crown,
In order to bring you this joy,
Your true cohorts were cast away like toys.

I hope that you've sufficient discretion,
To see through this false impression,
To free yourself from the possession,
Of the perpetrator in question.

Uncovered for you, the wolf in sheep's skin,
Along with the tainted blight within,
In saving yourself, you save all,
From what would be an eternal fall.

Another Break From Immortality

Though I Really Shouldn't Be Doing This Right Now When I Still Have Tonnes Of Work Pilling Up, But What-The-Heck-Ever Man.

First Off,
Congratulations To Si Panjang Of 19 a.k.a. Shangee For Winning The Memory Competition AGAIN! Damn, This Is Like Some Sort Of Fixed Income For You Every Year. When Are We, The Entire 19 Gang, Gonna Raid The Mind Festival In Formal Suits Again? Hahahaha. We Really Should. But Anyway, I Welcome Y'all Again To Kampar In Advance. Seriously, I'll Be Waiting To See You Win Again Next Year.

Secondly,
I Noticed As Many As I've Seen Turtledoves In Kampar, There Are A Relatively Large Number Of Magpies As Well. Looking At Them Up Close, You Wouldn't Believe That They're From The Crow Family. Because They Just Look So Different. The Shape Of The Head And Tail Would Tell You That Much.

Well, To Date I've Been Depressed For The 2nd Consecutive Month. Maybe I Can Now Go To The Nearest Hospital And Tell A Psychiatrist That I Have Extreme Suicidal Tendencies. Then Maybe He Or She'd Write Me A Letter To Certify That I'm Depressed Enough To Be Considered Mentally Ill. Then I Can Go On A Mad Rampage And Kill Whoever Gets In My Way, AND Get Away With It. Isn't That Just The Most Awesome Idea? I Know You Wouldn't Think So. But I DO! And There's No Changing It, Sorry To Say.

Well, Before That Kind Of Crap Happens, Let Me Ask Y'all A Really (To Me, At Least) Philosophical Question:

Death eventually comes to us all,
Like how a rise is tailed by a fall,
But while we live, can we stand tall,
And leave our name in fame's Hall?

For no success can be eternal,
Life's only forever in a journal,
When our rewards are temporary,
Or when it is not contemporary,
When it is not ours to fully enjoy,
Is it really worth the best we deploy?

With All That's Happened, My Answer Is No. Do Any Of Y'all Have A Different Opinion? Do Share Your Reason For It As Well.

Until Then, Adieu To Y'all.

Tribute No.2 - Gundam Epyon

This Is Very Much Inspired By Yat's Tribute To Char And Amuro. But Since I Think The Suit Has A Greater Implication That Its Pilot Or Creator, The Tribute Goes To It Directly.

Codenamed Epyon, Greek for 'Next',
Immortal Honour its image reflects,
Its awesome power matched only by one,
Proving that a sword,
Can be mightier than any gun.

Within a twin head dragon resides,
A fearless knight, a turner of tides,
Bringing into battle an unmatched grace,
While still staring at death in the face.

Foolish was any reason for war,
When life is something to adore,
And when humans were not at the core,
No life is lost, but the chaos is more.

To realize such foolishness, men must fight,
Only in knowing grief and loss,
Will we know what is right,
For this reason, the Epyon was born,
To enlighten mankind, its duty sworn.

Though much blood it has spilled,
And all its foes fear its skill,
Honour and wisdom it has instilled,
To all who knew its creator's goodwill.

This is my tribute to the fearsome suit,
To its bitter efforts and sweet fruit,
Its every detail beautifully drawn,
The one and only Gundam Epyon.

Well, There It Is. Now If Only Bandai Will Revive It And Make An MG Grade Of The Thing.

Adieu To Y'all. It's Like A Cinema With Multiple Movies On Air At The Same Time Here! XD

Immortal Vengeance

A rare gift I bestowed on one,
But used against me is what was done,
Thank you for giving me reason to hate,
The best gift to me by fate.

Indeed what I saw was all a play,
Intended to lead me astray,
What I heard was even worse,
My very nature it did perverse.

I was really just a mere tool,
And to play along, I was such a fool,
But two more were added as a result,
To the list of people who support this insult,
They too wish for it to happen,
'Ian Must Die' in their minds fully laden.

It was you who encouraged me,
And now you chop me down like a dying tree,
So indeed you are full of hypocrisy,
Thou shall never hear more words from me.

You know not beyond what meets your eye,
Who are you to say it's a lie?
You don't have what it takes to even try,
To live a day as Ian Must Die!!!

My fidelity was wrongly placed,
Infinite shame I have then faced,
To be blinded by such a trifle,
My clairvoyant eye completely stifled.

Now I know more than ever,
To trust this eye in every endeavour,
For confirmed it is now, what it once saw,
Painless breath I can now draw.

Glad I am that I remain who I am,
A relentless soul that stops at nothing,
A demon that will not scram,
Once I set my sight on something.

Though I thank you for reviving my fire,
But regretted you have, and end it you tried,
But all these games I grow to tire,
Your greatest wish shall be forever denied.

You shall never see a shadow of me,
Where you are, that's where I won't be,
A presence as mine is undeserving,
Just as yours would be unnerving.

Proud I am now to embrace the dark,
For I am forever a stark,
Destined to leave an unacceptable mark,
A revolution will finally spark.

Hail to a darkness divine,
Through this void a light will shine,
From the angst of cursed memories,
A just revenge to cure my misery.

Immortal Observer

This charade they continue to play,
When it is obvious as the light of day,
More pain for me is what they desire,
To burn me with my own immortal fire.

Perhaps the purity that I've seen,
Was nothing but a screwed up show,
All fun and games it has been,
With sincerity placed down below.

I realize I've been fed another lie,
It hurts me so much that I can die,
But now something else I observe,
As I watch my beloved dove fly,
I see no more of the elegant curve,
Strange it is, and I wonder why.

Separated against her will,
Perhaps an expectation to fulfill,
Sorrow now engulfs the pair,
And one of them I would beware.

Burn me they will, but I shouldn't care,
For whatever happens between them
Is never my affair,
For observe is all I'm allowed,
As my presence must remain in shroud.

It's like looking through a sniper's scope,
But could never pull the trigger,
For the moment I succumb to hope,
I land myself in something bigger.

This is my tale as I tell it,
From a distant point of view,
A part I've played, I admit,
But the end is twisted in lieu.

Things will never be the same again,
What was before, I could only pen,
If the night is darkest before the dawn,
Then I would forever envy them,
For what awaits them that I'll never have,
Is a brand new Avalon.

Immortal Solitude, Soon

After Much Reflection And Recollection, I Realize, Indeed, Solitude Is Really The Best Kind Of Life For Me. Not That I Want To Be Alone Eternally, But Just That, It's Only With The Distance Can I Really Enjoy Friendship. Because... Uh... Well, This Is Hard To Put In Words Actually.

Put It This Way. Only With The Distance And The Lack Of Propinquity Can I Truly Enjoy To The Fullest What It Feels Like To Have Friends. Without Screwing Up. Yes, Main Point Being 'Without Screwing Up'. I Mean, I Like The Idea Of Friends, And How They Are There When You Need Them And All, But I'm Always Scared I Screw Things Up. Because I Always Do, Hence The Fear. Because It's Nice To Know That There Are People That You Can Really Talk With, Crap With Even, People That You Can Really Feel Comfortable And Cozy And Whatnot In Their Presence. And When You Find These People, You Really Don't Wanna Let The Shit Hit The Fan And Mess Things Up Between You And Them. Which Happens WAY Too Often To Me.

I Remember There Was A Time That Some Shit Happened And A Friend Of Mine And I Myself Never Spoke To Each Other For More Than 1/2 A Year. Something I Said/Done, But Never Found Out What, Even Till This Day. But Thanks To The Magic That Is Time And Space, Things Are Fixed And Now We Are More Than Just On Talking Terms; Back To Being Really Good Friends.

And Now The Exact Same Tragedy Is Happening; Something I Said AND Done, And I Know Perfectly What They Are, BUT, After The Shit Hits The Fan It Splatters Around The Floor With A Totally Different Pattern, And A Familiar One At That; One That I Doubt I'll Ever Be Prepared To Face, No Matter How Many Times It Recurs.

I Myself Lost Count Of How Many Times Such A Fate Befell Me. Which Is Why I Finally Decided, Solitude Is For The Best, For Myself And People Worthy Enough To Be My Friends, Because With The Scarce Interaction I Won't Get The Chance To Mess Our Relationship Up, And If They Deem Me Unworthy Of Being Their Friend, Then They Can Just Forget I Ever Existed. There, A Rare Win-Win Situation In A Zero-Sum-Game World.

And Since I'm A Damn Weird Person Who Only Gets Homesick Upon Returning Home After A VERY Long Time Away From It, I Also Find That I Miss Friends When Communicating With Them Directly After A VERY Long Time Of Not Keeping In Touch. And Y'all Who Know Me Well Would Also Know That I Don't Communicate Much With People, Let Alone In Person. So Whenever After A Some Weeks/Months When I Decide To Text/IM/Call Someone Or Receive Them From Someone, It'll Just Strike Me; How Damn Long Was It Since We Last Talked, Damn I Miss This Person. Even More So When We Actually Meet/Gather In Person.

I Start To Miss The Guys Of 19 When They Ask Me To Join A Game Of DotA Through GG. I Miss Them Most When We Actually Gather At One Place For A LAN Game Of DotA.

I Start To Miss The Girls Of 19 When They Call For A Meeting To Discuss Our Next Trip Somewhere For The Semester Break. I Miss Them The Most When All Of 19 Gather During Our Outing Before Bed For Something Like A Pillowtalk Session For The Whole Group.

I Start To Miss The People Of TB1 (That Are Not Here In Kampar) When I'm Informed That They'll Be At Some Event That I Can Make It To, Or When Some Of Them Plan To Actually Come Up North To Kampar Itself. I Miss Them Most When I Actually Meet And Talk To Them, Be It Here In Kampar Or Wherever We Have Our Foundation Reunion, Although As Y'all Know, I Won't Be The One Talking Much.

So To Every Single Friend Of Mine Who Would Willingly And Sincerely Reciprocate These Feelings And Emotions Of Friendship, Especially Those With Me In May 2009 PY Intake, Please Forgive Me, For I May Not Appreciate Y'all The Way Y'all Would Me At This Time. Perhaps After We Graduate, Go Our Separate Ways And Live Our Separate Lives, Will I Truly Value The Priceless Blessing That Is Your Companionship During These 3 Years In UTAR. And I'll Dedicate A Masterpiece Of Mine To All Y'all Who Have Given Me The Privilege Of Your Company When I Can Achieve My (Almost) Immortal Solitude.

Speaking Of Which, The Poem By The Title 'Immortal Irony' That I Promised Y'all Is Complete, But I Unwittingly Added Too Much Juicy Stuff Into It That I Decided It Won't Be Posted Anytime Soon. Perhaps After The Dust Of The Incident Has Died Down.

Adieu To Y'all. And I Thank Y'all For Really Adding Spice To My Life.

Immortal Silence

200th Post. But I'm Not Celebrating Anything Or Whatever. Instead I Dedicate This Post To The One Simple Minded Fella Who I Neglected So Badly, But Very Much Saved My Skin During These Troubled Times. Partly Thanks To Him I Have Not Yet Decided To Let Others Find Pieces Of Me On The Train Tracks.

A speechless soul who lives so close,
Who understands not my poem and prose,
Although he doesn't act very smart,
His funny antics warms the heart.

One which constantly wants to play,
Which tenderly wipes my sweat away,
When the going gets tough for me,
He comes over and gives me glee.

I'll never know how much he understands,
But he feels my heart through my hands,
When I rub his head with a gloomy heart,
He sits next to me, silent and smart.

Neglected him I have for so long,
Simple minded was all I thought he was,
But indeed he proved me wrong,
He knows how to heal with his paws.

When I talk to him, nod is all he'd do,
Not a hint of disagreement he'd strew,
He whines whenever I sigh,
Perhaps stopping me from wanting to cry.

Though into my life he suddenly came,
A valuable companion he became,
White coffee we call this playful soul,
Man's best friend, with a noble role.

Adieu To Y'all. No Matter How Hard This Screwed Up Life Is Getting, It's Not Gonna Change The Fact That It Feels Too Good To Be Back.

Immortal AWEZOMENESS!!!

Before That...

The Previous Poem Of Mine Made Me Think That I Might Actually Be A Very Bad Poet. Why? Because When Mum Read It, She Gave Me An Interpretation That I Never Expected, And I Was "Oh Crap, People Could Get The Wrong Message Out Of It" Before She Clarified That She Thought So Because She Knew The Full Story Of What Happened And Saw Things From A Different Perspective While Others Might Still See The Poem For What I Intended It To Be.

Got Me In Shock For A Moment. It's Like Saying That Having Your Arm Chopped Off Is A Good Thing. Then She Said When She Knew My Arm Was Infected With An Incurable Kind Of Infection, Of Course It's A Good Thing To Get It Amputated. But Then, People Aren't Supposed To Know Or Even Care About What Happened To The Arm; That's Beside The Point.

That Was Quite The Relief For Me. But That's Not What's So Immortally Awesome That I Wanted To Share With Y'all. Fuck All Them People Who Think So. And I Think I'm Not Gonna Restrict My Words Anymore If They Fit The Situation.

So What Is So Totally Worthy Of Me Making Such An Exclaimed Exaggeration? This Is:



And This Is Them Separated, In Case Some Of You Can't Tell Which Sound Came From Which Instrument:





Notice Funtwo's Part Is A Little Longer Because It's The Full Canon.

And Yes, It's The Famous One Arranged By JerryC. So For All Of Y'all Who Wanna See The Original By JerryC And/Or Other People Who Are Doing Similar Stuff, Well, Youtube Is Always There.

This Damn Piece Has Got Me Whipping My Head Up, Down And Around Ever Since I First Heard The 2 Instruments Combined. Really Electrified The Blood Out Of My Ears And Brain. It Gave Me A Very High Mood That Made Me Do Really Stupid Things. REALLY Stupid Things. Like Whippin' My Head Around While Cycling To Campus, Whippin' My Head Around While Eating, Whippin' My Head Around While Yelling My Lungs Out And Cycling In The Middle Of The Night, Whippin' My Head Around While Eating And Talking To People, Whippin' My Head Around Instead Of The Hand-Wave To Say "Hi" Or "Bye" And Finally, Whippin' My Head Around Whenever I See Something That Might Potentially Depress Me, Piss Me Off And Everything Along Those Lines. Notice Everything Involves Me Whippin' My Head Around. Yes. I Am THAT Hooked Onto It. Which I'm Actually Damn Fucking Glad I Did Them. Whippin' My Head Around While Doing Everyday Things. Because I Look Forward To Be A Crazy Person For The Next 3 Weeks. Balance Out The Equation For A Bit.

So Yeah. Adieu To Y'all. And It REALLY FEELS DAMN FUCKING GOOD To Be Back!!! IMD!!! HAS RETURNED!!!

Immortal Release

As I hear the two lovebirds sing,
I know,
The bell of pain within me will ring,
But in doing so I set two souls free,
Myself, and the one bound to me.

With perfect harmony I see them fly,
In perfect unison I watch them soar,
It breaks my heart so much I could die,
But a worthy sacrifice it is,
For one I infinitely adore.

I now hear happiness in the tone,
In the song that you sing, that you've made known.
I sense that your heart is no more alone,
Then atoned I have for sins my own.

With a heavy heart I let you go,
Your ruffled feathers still as white as snow,
Just leave me be here down below,
Let your passionate heart blossom and grow.

If you've chosen the one to take my place,
Then with it goes the right to embrace,
The one of beauty and uncommon grace,
And this shadow will soon be erased.

Spread your wings and fly, my dearest dove,
Soar the skies with your one above,
My purest blessings to you with love,
Rest never again on another glove.

A Break From Immortality

Heheh. Thought Of Giving This Poetry Streak A Timeout And Just Blabber Whatever Comes To Mind. Because, Some Things Are Just So Pathetic That Writing Them In Poems Would Just Be An Epic Dishonour To Poetry.

To Start Off, Who/What The Fuck Is Flooding Spamlinks As Comments? And They're All In Chinese Characters! Dammit, If You Want The Message To Get Across, And To Me, Put It In English!

And Of Course There Are Things That Are A Little Too Meaningless To Be Made Grand Through Poetry.

Which Is My Sudden Addiction To The Word 'Immortal' Has Gotten Certain Parties To Think That The Poems Before Are In A Series. Well, Maybe They Are, I Myself Have Not Decided On That, But It Was It Ever Intended To Be So. Maybe It Will Be, If I Decide That It Is Indeed Appropriate To Do That.

I Was Sick (And Still A Little Unwell) For The Past 4 Days But Every Night I Think Back And Remember How Trying Was The First 2 Weeks Of The Semester, And I Feel So Strong And Healthy Again. This Really Shows That Nothing Can Screw My Body Up Worse Than My Own Emotions. Heck, I Dare Say Even AIDS Is Inferior To The Havoc That I Can Bring Upon Myself.

And With That Short Report, Adieu To Y'all. And It Still Feels So Damn Good To Be Back.

Immortal Return

Unwittingly, my plight is known to all,
I hope this does not build a brick wall,
Replacing the volatile air between,
Making things worse,
Than how it has ever been.

But since it has already come to this,
Then you should know my thoughts as it is,
Thoughts that I've never found the right words for,
But now, would not matter anymore.

I know not how you feel right now,
This knowledge to me you would not endow,
So this time let me be the first to share,
What I think of this and how I'd fare.

This is what we need, some personal space,
Our own paths we'll take at our own sweet pace,
I fear I would just do even more,
Actions that will turn things sore,
So a distance I shall keep from thee,
Until it is gone, your fear towards me.

But now, we need not do this anymore,
No more reason to do this for,
In this emotion I no longer dwell,
And so far I think I've done quite well.

The pieces on my side are in place,
Eager I am to close this case,
Passed I have the most trying phase,
All that is left is to clear this haze.

This unfinished business I have ended,
The broken pieces I have mended,
I leave the rest up to you,
For what you do, only you'd have a clue.

Immortal Race - Tribute To Initial D OP, ED & OST

I Think This Is The One Post That Includes A Regular, Everyday Usage Of Words After 4 Straight Posts Purely In Poem Form. And I Still Don't Actually Confidently Consider Them Poems Because:

Firstly, I Have No Idea How Imaginative, Cryptic Or Indirect The Words Must Be Before It Is Actually Considered A Poem, And Secondly, Because They're All Written Because Of Certain Activating Events In Life, Be It Mine Or Those Around Me, And Because Of That, Involved Parties Would Instantly Know What's Going On Upon Reading, Making It Require Close To Zero Imagination To Comprehend What The Words Mean Or Who/What/Why/When/Where They Refer To.

But Screw All That. I'm Still Not Gonna Place Too High Expectations On Myself Just Yet. Maybe After I Start Publishing Some Books, Then We're Talking Quality.

And By The Way, To All Of Y'all Who Wanna Take Them Off This Page And Claim Them As Your Own, Feel Free To Do So If You Don't Believe In Karma, Because I Know I Don't. After All, You'd Probably Only Get Robbed Of All Your Life's Savings And Get All Your Hard Work Credited To Someone Else In What, The Next Life? The Life After Next? By That Time It Wouldn't Actually Matter, Would It? As Long As You Rob All you Can In This Life, Who Cares About The Next When It Is Debatable From The Start If People Actually Have Next Lives Instead Of Having Their Souls Going Straight To Heaven/Hell? Alright, Maybe Debate Isn't Exactly The Right Word, But Since I Can't Think Of The Best Word To Be Used, This Will Have To Do.

So Yeah, As Mentioned At The Top, This Post Is A Tribute Dedicated To The Artists, Composers etc. Of All The Initial D OP, ED And OST, For Their Songs Kept Me Sane And Alive During What Was Probably The Most Trying 3 Weeks Of My Life. And In Every Verse/Stanza, You'll Find A Reference To One Or More Of The Songs. No Copyright Infringement Here; Only A Tribute.

With the Blazin' Beat we burn through the track,
This burning desire goes off and back,
Our passion lighting up the night,
Our pitch black spirit has come to light.

To all my friends, I say "Let's Go, Come On!"
To all our foes I say "bring it on!"
Beatin', dancin', Can You Feel The Rhythm?
This will be our fighting anthem.

Fly To Me, To The Moon And Back,
With the powerful punch that we pack,
Fly With Me, Far Away From Here,
We'll go Around The World, They'll See Our Fire.

Let us Break In2 The Nite,
Pedal to the metal, let us take flight,
Down the road at the speed of light,
Let others know our unmatched might.

Get ready for the Night Of Fire,
Give in to the burning desire,
Everyday we encounter danger,
Now,
A good friend he is, no longer a stranger.

Show us the limit of what you can take,
The gauntlet thrown down, don't try to fake,
If you think the level is too high,
Then pull out from this Dogfight,
Where Anybody Can Die.

We will speed until the sunrise,
With the Beat Of The Rising Sun,
Finding this no more a surprise,
This danger is how we perceive true fun.

The Race Is Over, Time To Discover,
Life in a brand new day,
The Race Is Over, Now And Forever,
Time to live life Our Way!

Again, Inspired By Initial D OP,ED & OST. Credits Still Go To Their Original Artists, Composers etc.

And Thanks Y'all For All The Positive Feedback. Perhaps This Is A Sign That I'm Back On Track. So Now I Wonder, How Do I Take It A Step Further? Infinite Thanks To The One Who Relighted My Fire. Thanks To You, A Nether Phoenix I Am Forever. There Won't Be A Permanent Stop, While I Strive To Reach The Top.

Adieu To Y'all. It Feels So Good To Be Back.

P.S.: I've Wanted To Say This For A VERY VERY Long Time; Avatar Was A Good Movie. Just Good. Not ZOMGWTFBBQSAUCE ITS SO FUCKING GOOD IT MUST BE THE BEST FUCKING MOVIE OF THE FUCKING 21st CENTURY!!! Plain Exaggeration. And To Those Exaggerators, EAT THESE FINGERS! ..|.. ..|..

Immortal Trust

Corruption lurks in every corner,
Knowing no boundary nor border,
To stain hearts with uncertainty and doubt,
That leave us no chance to let them out.

Three years ago I succumbed to this taint,
Now freed, but the scars still constraint,
I never thought another would share this fate,
Worst of all,
The purest it chose to desecrate.

I say this to you before it's too late,
Before they go further, stop them at the gate,
I hope that you never see the day,
When you start seeing the world my way;
The pain is too great for any to bear,
And all others it will start to impair.

I dedicate this to you, my valued friend,
It may not be my place to comprehend,
But trust with all your heart, or not at all
In this pit of distrust you should not fall.

Though we live different lives,
To survive everyone strives,
This is merely what my life taught me,
So follow it not entirely,
For maybe fate will treat you differently.

This may sound ironic, coming from me,
I too understand if you disagree,
But I offer whatever help I can,
To root it out where it began,
For you need not go through this,
You deserve to be far away,
From this treacherous abyss.

Immortal Fire

My greatest fear I've seen come and go,
Crushed I was by the heavy blow,
But surprised I am that I'm still alive,
No logic nor magic could explain,
How did I survive.

Petrified I was but for a moment,
Saved I was by a force so ancient,
Erasing forever, my lust and desire,
Purged clean to a crisp by purest hellfire.

If this is fate's idea of toying with me,
It'll take more than that, I'll have you see,
I hope you have new tricks up your sleeve
Again and again, the same spot you cleave,
Always giving me false hope to believe,
Well this time I challenge you,
Who are you trying to deceive!?
The same pain shan't again make me grieve!
Even I do not stay forever naive,
You have scarred all the hope that I perceive,
My suffering you will no longer weave,
There is nothing more for you to achieve,
So I suggest in peace you leave,
Unless you wish tomorrow,
To be Armageddon's eve.

I'll embody the first Nether Phoenix,
Holy darkness and a cleansing helix,
Of our great image we will depict,
The symbol of eternal conflict.

I will no longer be a mindless thrall,
Never again will I wake up and fall,
I'd rather be hitting a brick wall,
Than to do nothing but squall.

Though this life will start anew,
Ashes of the past I keep them true,
For in the future they will keep me numb,
To similar fates I will not succumb.

Immortal Gratitude

After surviving my impending doom,
I have finally found some room,
To keep some light alongside darkness,
And this string of life can remain endless.

I thank the kind souls around me,
Their help was to an extreme degree,
A wider perspective I have gained,
The shadows of the fog explained.

Freedom to me they have granted,
The seeds of wisdom they have planted,
May I someday pass this flame,
To another whose needs spell the same name.

In time, all shall be alright,
I've found the hope within the twilight,
This deterioration will be healed,
With fidelity being its strongest shield.

What could be done has been done,
With the future hinting one last move,
From this challenge I shall not run,
Contrive I will and this I shall prove.

What I need is indeed time,
To scale this ultimate climb,
For the only tool I have is this rhyme.
And only there I'll hear the healing chime.

Peace and freedom, symbols you represent,
But I won't know what you truly intent,
Again, destiny weaves its tangled web,
Destroy them I will, and with newer ones,
These flaws shall surely ebb.

This magic has inspired many,
Now comes my turn, with a different gift,
The pride and joy it brought me was plenty,
Spread it I will, like the wings of a swift.

Though the fragile glass has shattered,
Its pieces have not yet scattered,
To put it whole I swear to you,
Mended nicely, as good as new.