The Unwinnable Battle That Must Be Fought.

As Much As I Don't Want To Say This, I Have To. Because It's Bothering Me Very Much. And Regardless Of It Being You Trying To Smite Me Again Or Your True, Honest Intentions Of Trying To Console Me, Either Way, It's Not Working.

You Call It The 'I Love Myself' Activity. But In The End I Feel That As Much As I Could Love Myself, I Would Hate Myself Just As Much. Because All That I'm Getting Are The Everyday, Very Usual Shoe-Polisher Kind Of Physical Praise, But No Inner Quality That I Can Be Proud Of Save The Cliche Ones That Are Too Commonly Used That Their Value Is Lost. And Thus I Feel Like I'm Being Lied To Just So That Others Do Not Hurt My Feelings, Little Do They Know, The Lie Itself Is The Greatest Desecration Of My Very Being. I Deserve The Truth, No Matter How Ugly And Painful It May Be. Because I Can Take It. Because The Truth To Me Is Like Infinite Ant Bites; I Can Take Them. A Single Lie, However, Is Like A Fatal Bullet Through The Brain; That, I Cannot Take.

I've Held Myself Back From Saying This For 5 Days. I Couldn't Go Any Further. Because All I Have Left Is My Self. I Have Lost Everything Else. Every Single Other Thing. And I Cannot Afford To Lose Myself, When It Is The Only Thing I Have Left. Only In Facing The Truth, By Accepting It As What It Is And Seeing Every Side, Every Angle, The Good, The Bad And The Ugly Alike, Without Filtering The Unwanted Bits, Can I Keep My Self.

But My Greatest Loss Is Still... Like A Phoenix That Lost Its Fire.

In the end,
This is one mistake I cannot amend,
The more this problem I try to transcend,
The more I find I'd condescend.

In avoiding you I'm not being true,
In facing you I break my own heart,
Perhaps we can never start anew,
Thus I shall continue to love you,
From afar and apart.

迷うこと恐れずに　羽ばたける
鼓動が波打つ　まだ　夢をあきらめないで
暗闇も　孤独にも　立ち向かう
君と出会えた悦びを　必ず伝えにいこう

Like How A Phoenix Can Never Be With His Beloved Dove. His Flames Will Purge Her With Propinquity, Breaking His Own Heart, Yet It Is Infinitely Painful For Him To Not Be Able To Be Directly Responsible For Her Well Being, To Be Physically There For Her, When It Is His Heart's Greatest Desire.

Well, Adieu To Y'all. The Infernal Flames Of The Nether Phoenix Shall Burn Forever, Even If It Consumes Itself.