The Face Of a Shining Star

Graceful shadows in a sea of light,
Flowing tears of immense delight,
Up in a kingdom above the clouds,
With endless waves of passionate crowds.

When a star shows its true face,
It shines with the truest of grace,
Behind the facade lies a weakness true,
A radiance seen only by a few.

By a strange fortune I've seen this light,
One that kept up a twenty year fight,
By its fortune it's known such success,
A fortune I'll not envy nor obsess.

May the star shine eternally bright,
Above the clouds, above the highlands,
May it continue to radiate light,
So that from troughs may rise more diamonds.

A Dream's War of the Roses

From my slumbering mind, spawned a dream,
One that flowed in a violent stream,
A clash of forces that couldn't oppose;
Of the ruby rose and the paper rose.

A discord across time and space,
A conflict that made my resting heart race,
A feud that nearly dampened my dry eyes,
Caused by inner despair on the rise.

As I awoke from the nightmare,
I am freed from the deadly scare,
Immense danger this libretto poses;
The wilting of my beloved roses.

But the dream served as a premonition;
I've then learned of my omission,
From the memory of the ruby rose;
Now I strive to maintain my position,
To prevent my rescission,
From the pleasance of the paper rose.

Feelings of my Beating Heart

It wasn't that long ago when,
My dead heart started beating once again,
It was thanks to a dazzling smile,
My heart it will continue to beguile.

Will you be willing to hold my hand,
As we fly away to a far away land?
May I have this dance, my lady?
Or is he still in your dreams lately?

The thought of giving up had crossed my mind,
But I'm unable to do it, I find;
My pride compels me to test my might,
My feelings compel me to keep up the fight.

Though tepid your feelings for me may be,
In the end, you're the only one I see,
Will you let me hold your hand?
For you light up the darkness where I stand.

I remember the day we first met,
It was a sight I'll never forget,
Since then I've not one regret,
For every time, your attention I get.

I know you're tired of making angry faces,
It's put my feelings through its paces,
That's how I know that they're still true,
For after seeing them, I still love you.

I'd love to converse with you more,
Even if they're things you've heard of before,
You sway me silly, this fact I avow,
But are you still thinking of him right now?

Even if you do not care for me,
I'm still in love with you, you see,
No matter where in your heart I stand,
I'll be waiting for you to hold my hand.

Bidding an Angel Farewell

My time is short and I haven't gone far,
The progress I made was not up to par,
Will I gain my beloved prize,
Or should I have heeded what I realize?

The soft touch, I've begun to miss,
The gentle voice that brought me such bliss,
The one who has brought out the best of me,
Made me the best man I could ever be.

Now I feel like I've been left in the dark,
Seeking the slightest twinkle or spark,
I sought to taste the forbidden fruit,
Yet now I feel I've lost this pursuit.

Never has one inspired me so,
Fueled my passion to such a blaze,
Never have I been so raring to go,
Only you I desire with such a craze.

Prematurely, I foresee an end,
To the time together that we spend,
I wish I could do more before then,
I wish for the chance to try again.

For you I give beyond my all,
For you I risk my greatest fall,
For you I fight to change my fate,
For you I will patiently wait.

Perhaps you don't feel as I do for you,
Only for me is this magic true,
But I'd do it all over again,
For your love I'll endure infinite pain.

Even if all this must end some day,
There is something I have to say;
Let it be on this note, when we do part:
Know that I love you with all my heart.

Essence of a Yearning Soul

Life continues to push me down,
Too many times I've been made to frown,
My thoughts now consumed with death,
Yet I wake every morning drawing breath.

When will I gain control,
Of the yearnings of my soul?
Again and again my desire,
Leads me to burn in fire.

Will I, for once, obtain what I seek,
Even when conditions appear most bleak?
Will I have the conviction to see it through,
And still endure the failure that may ensue?

Why must the forbidden fruit taste so sweet?
It's mere absence makes me feel incomplete;
It's mere taste gives me wings to fly,
If I can't have it, I'd rather just die.

But I've never wanted something more,
So deep within me it tore,
Never have I felt such desperation,
Never was I fueled with such volition,
This one time I shan't relent,
For you I'll endure any torment,
Till I've the snow flower that is your heart,
I shall not be falling apart.

I will make known my feelings for you,
My actions will show that they are true,
Even if now they are not due,
I will prove that I am the one for you.

You have brought out the best of me,
Half of my life's best work are thanks to thee,
I hope to gain the right to let you see,
My endless pool of poetry.

You are engraved in my soul,
You are the angel I seek,
You are the one who makes me whole,
You are the only one for me, Monique.

Petals of a Snow Flower

I have always known the summer sun,
The light from which I cannot run,
But when I catch a glimpse of your eyes,
I am cooled from the heat I so despise.

Through your eyes I see snowflakes,
Flowers from the winter sky,
When I lose sight of them, my heart aches,
Yet I can do naught but stand idly by.

Perhaps love is like a snow flower,
A beauty which I can never see and never hold,
Never taste and never smell;
Will the day I see my first snowflake shower,
Be the day I'm set free from this empty cold,
And finally know love's alluring spell?

I'd like to be able to melt your heart,
Like how the summer sun melts the snow,
I hope these words of mine are a start,
Because for you, they will endlessly flow.

Will I one day hold your hand,
And walk with you on frozen lakes?
Will I hold you close as we stand,
Among the countless falling flakes?

Will I ever gain the right,
To be by your side every night,
To together catch the new day's first light,
All the way to the following twilight?

Perhaps love is like a snow flower,
A beauty that exists only in dreams,
Never tangible and never real;
Will the day I stand in a snowflake shower,
Be the day I feel the endless streams,
Of snow and of your love that will finally reveal,
A real snow flower within your heart?

If so,
I'd like to embrace your everything,
Your strengths and weaknesses, your slights and extremes,
I'd like this to be more than just a fling,
For you are the snow flower of my dreams.

Looking for an Angel's Heart

As I awake every day,
I know I will be led astray,
The moment I catch your warm gaze,
Which ignites a passionate craze.

I'm so madly enthralled by you,
That's when I know these feelings are true,
I know that I'm in love with you,
Yet I know these feelings are not due.

When will it change, this relationship?
This feeling of being toyed and shoved?
You are not mine to tightly grip,
Nor are you mine to deeply love.

My feelings are going nowhere,
Such agony beyond compare,
I've spent sleepless nights trying not to care,
Hoping you'll know yet remain unaware.

How intense must these feelings be,
Before they can safely reach thee?
My heart can contain them no more,
But these feelings, I still cannot outpour.

Will these feelings fade away,
Like cherry blossoms at the end of spring?
Will I survive to see the day,
When these conflicting feelings take wing?

Will these feelings be frozen,
Despite my heart's burning passion?
Will I succumb to the poison,
Of this unrequited emotion?

I want to stay near you,
I want an end to just glancing at you,
I want to make known my feelings for you,
I want to shout out "I love you."

Foreseeing Impending Doom

I’ve seen the future and I’m not in it,
The world revolves on as it sees fit,
Though I foresee my fall from such heights,
I can’t help but continue my flights.

At long last, I am finally freed,
My own delusions I no longer feed,
Eyes open after sweet, long dream,
For painful reality still reigns supreme.

I’ve but a fortnight to brace for the fall,
Then I’ll return to being a living doll,
The inner fire has died once again,
Hopes dashed as pain and despair reign.

The embers of my wings grow cold,
Despite the former flame raging bold,
Ash they may remain this time,
Never to be lit to its brilliant prime.

My resignation to failure,
Has failed to be my saviour;
I was prepared to not succeed,
Yet in loss, despair continues to breed.

Indeed I should’ve heeded what I knew,
That dreams are always too good to be true,
That reality is all but pleasant,
Only in dreams are joy and hope present.

I’ve done all that I could do,
Determined now is my efforts’ value,
Proven that labour is no match for fate,
Which causes nothing but sorrow and hate.

Another heart I have yet lost,
As a seemingly inevitable cost,
Should another take its place in this void,
May the one who claims it be overjoyed.

The Year Beast Within

For decades I've thought of the year beast,
Ferocious and savage, yet timid and weak,
As spring is bestowed upon the east,
This mythical creature I now seek.

This year is the turn of the goat,
Cycling through the wheel of twelve,
Auspices again this year would connote,
Fortunes in which we endlessly delve.

As people continue to draw in luck,
Using colours to repel the puck,
I decide instead to change my fate,
My own blessings I will create.

I'll now embody the dreaded beast,
May my ferocity be unleashed,
With no weaknesses but one,
Save one repellent, hindered by none.

To all others, may you know wealth,
Limitless fortune and peerless health,
May you enjoy this brand new year,
With futures bright and clear.

Spreading Clipped Wings

Again I step on foreign lands,
Treading on these alien sands,
My thoughts are with my task at hand,
Yet my heart's pulled back home like a rubber band.

Other obligations in my mind,
Perhaps I will see what I intend to find,
As I walk with unknown faces,
Through equally unknown places.

Perhaps the foreign winds will set me free,
From my mind's hollow, dreadful spree,
May I be able to clearly see,
The end of the path that lies before me.

Reawakening the Dormant Devil

When I thought I could live alone,
Cold to the core and solid to the bone,
I find myself weak and vulnerable,
And everything else insufferable.

But it is in this weakness that I know,
It is my strength that must grow,
For alone I live and die,
On no one I can rely.

Though it was solitude which I sought,
Loneliness was what I gained,
For so long and for nothing I have fought,
For nothing I'm now completely drained.

My little star lost behind the clouds,
My heart and soul lost behind unknown crowds,
Again in despair I sink,
Only hopelessness for me to drink.

But the world moves on, and so will I,
No time to mope and no time to cry,
I'll press on alone as I've always done,
Till my heart and I are finally one.

Forbidden Emotion

When conditions appear most dire,
When you are weak and easily tire,
Know that I desire to light your fire,
And provide you with anything you require.

Perhaps you have seen me trying,
Perhaps my efforts remain unknown,
It is for your affection that I am vying,
A fact that can never be shown.

I knew from the start where I belong,
Nowhere near where I wish to be,
Fulfilling my desire would be wrong,
Despite how much you mean to me.

I realize I should keep my distance,
Despite my heart's relentless insistence,
As long as you know bliss, so will I,
My own selfish desires I will deny.

As I continue to writhe in despair,
Hiding my agony beyond compare,
I hope to lay my heart bare,
Without breaking our bond beyond repair.

If you are aware of my intent,
Confront me right away,
Allow me to avoid the foul portent,
Of again seeing the world,
In nothing but grey.

The Lock of the Past, the Key to the Future Finale

The ghost of the past haunts me no more,
Never have I felt such freedom before,
To no longer be shackled to the ground,
To which for so long I have been bound.

Now from immense burden I am free,
Two thousand days of pain now behind me,
Free from darkness and free from light,
Free from the duty of an out phased knight.

Along with my soul I cast away my heart,
Nothing left to end, nothing left to start,
The vortex of the void now in place of my mind,
Nothing left to hold or leave behind.

Free at last from the lock of the past,
Unshackled by a key to the future,
Free from the die that has been cast.
Free from pain and free from rapture.

I now bid farewell to the ruby rose,
As the gates of the ruby castle I close,
The one who gave me life as I tore my world apart,
The one to whom I dedicate my works of art.

With no more pieces left to mend,
From mortal coils I now ascend,
As the final chapter comes to its end,
Total control I now extend.

Biting the settling dust.

I see others take the path I once treaded,
The path which destination I've since dreaded,
A place of absolute extremes,
Where one is either in cookies and creams,
Or in anguish beyond expressible screams.

I would forsake my happiness,
If it means freedom from sorrow,
I would embody eternal coldness,
If it means a tearless tomorrow.

The flames have died and the ambers have cooled,
A dead passion that can never be refuelled,
The path less travelled I no longer choose,
Instead I'll be a hermitic recluse.

The eternal flame now eternally dead,
I realize I was in over my head,
As another cycle has just begun,
The tangled web of fate has again been spun,
After all that has been said and done,
It all amounts to absolutely none,

The end of immortality

Fading is my confidence,
Lost is my coherence,
Is this a sign of my mortality,
Or am I losing my sanity?

Will I share the fate of the lotus eater,
Or will my suffering be much greater?

Perhaps in the end it matters not,
For even losing battles must be fought,
Knowing I've strived for the best that could be,
Empowered the few who matter to me,
That, is my unofficial victory.

Immortal Journey

As I open the door to my personal sanctuary,
I prepared myself to leave this eternal winter,
Leaving a print behind in the bitter cold,
Knowing that it will eventually,
Be erased by the raging snow.

How I wish I could be,
In the spring that I could only see,
Through a window into a different world,
One so close yet so far from me.

I stare on into the unattainable comfort,
Knowing I need to again tread the blizzard,
To leave the twinkling hope behind,
And unreal desires out of mind.

Perhaps I can find comfort in chaos,
Or establish order in anxiety,
Perhaps I can find meaning in the mundane,
And make a living in this barren, winter wasteland.

Miraculous Comeback, Not.

Much Has Happened Since The Last Post. Infinitely Much. Too Much To Explain Them All, Too Much To Bear Alone, Even. But What's Worse, When I've Decided To Take Them All On, Someone Dear Succumbed To Pressure.

So I Very Much Dedicate This Post To My Bro, Not In Blood, But In Bond. And Of Course Rant Some Shit Of My Own.

And Yes, I've Not Forgotten My Vow To Not 'Fish For Sympathy', Consciously Nor Otherwise, But Rather, This Rant Of Mine Will Also Hopefully Be Not Just A Personal Rant, But Also Be Some Form Of Support, Or In Less Ideal Words, Consolation, For Whoever It May Apply To.

Well First Of All, My Sincerest Apologies To My Bro, Yat. Infinite Apologies For Forcing My Passion Onto You, That Has Put You Through Hell; Making You Experience An Avoidable Burden. I Guess The Gift Of Poetry Really Isn't For Everyone.

Honestly, I Truly Feared That This Day Would Come. And By The Worst Of Luck, It Did. I Always Knew That What Works For Me Would Never Work For Others, But It Just Felt So Good To Have This Gift That I Felt That It Must Be Shared. But Then Again, How Many Would See Darkness As A Gift The Way I Do? How Many See The Blinding Light As Corruption The Way I Do?

The Very Eerie Darkness That Scares The Crap Out Of People Is The Serene Darkness That Calms My Senses. The Very Light That Enlightens People Blinds Me. I Guess I Am Truly The Only Devil Among Men. Perhaps This Sets Me Apart From All Others; People Hold On To Hope While I Accept Despair With Open Arms.

But Perhaps In This Guilt Of Mine I Have Guided You To Find Your True Self. It Is As You Quoted, "There Is No Need To Pretend,Simply Do What You Can," And Similarly, "It Is Better To Be Hated For What You Are, Than To Be Loved For What You Are Not." Gide (1869-1951 French)

Thus I Have Chosen The Path Never Before Traversed. I Have Chosen To Outcast Myself And Be Who I Am: A Person Beyond Mortal Comprehension, Beyond Mortal Compassion. I Chose To Be Antisocial, To Be Like The Cantonese Saying 'If You Can Say It, Then You Must Be Able To Do It'. With That I Free Myself From Hypocrisy That So Many Mere Mortals Condemn Themselves Into With Words Like "Life is not just about myself, but also about my family, and also friends around me," Meaningless Words That They Can Merely Utter, But Never Hold On To.

Thus I Shall Be Hated For What I Am, An Antisocial Who Couldn't Care Less About A Self-Destroying World Than Be Loved For What I Am Not, A Person Who Pretends To Care But Deep Down Inside, Makes Use Of Others Like Tools Without A Care For Their Feelings. I Shall Be Hated For Embracing The Darkness That Enlightens Me, Than Be Loved For Pretending To Revel In The Corrupting Light.

Though It Breaks My Heart To See You Stop Poetry, I Guess It Shatters It To See It Doing Such Harm To You. And Though Most Of My Original Works Are Lost To A World Of Petty Thieves, Here I Am Again To Give You My First Work Ever Since That Tragic Incident.

The Devil watches another fall,
Deviating from his unnatural call,
He knows that he shall not squall,
For it is fate that alone, he stands tall.

Leaving footsteps that none can follow,
Unfathomed depths among the shallow,
He flies alone like a lone sparrow,
Leaving this world, one so hollow.

The Devil was glad, though, for one thing,
A cohort has found a brand new spring,
A true path in which he remains king,
Without His aid, no more under His wing.

He realized His own true power,
A massive unfathomable tower,
As He marched on alone,
In the peace of his companion,
For His sins He has done atone.

Since You Have Found Your True Path, All That Is Left That I Can Do Is To Wish You A Safe Journey Ahead. Though For One Thing, Perhaps Deep Down Inside, I'm Glad That You're At The Very Least, More Normal That I Can Ever Be.

Adieu To Y'all. Now We Shall Carry On Our Separate Ways.

My Immortal Stand

A sick pleasure I've derived,
From of what others are deprived,
My appetite for life revived,
In the foolishness of others I've thrived.

A matter without beginning or end,
A simple fact that so few comprehend,
How the ignorance of some could extend,
Facts they probe, fabrications they defend.

They say knowledge is power, hide it well,
But there's no need, when knowledge they dispel,
In fairy tales they continue to dwell,
Claiming those who don't will burn in hell.

Well, I'd love to enter the nether realm,
For I've been dying to meet the one at the helm,
Since we both have a kinship to contend,
And the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

Bilingual Wannabe

My Modest Attempt To Be A Bilingual, Although We All Know It's Not Gonna Work So Soon. Though It's A Very Random One, I Think It Can Be Worked Into A Really Good Piece, So I Call It The "'Seed' Of Immortal Friendship".

This will of mine does come and go,
Much like the tidal ebb and flow,
One moment a raging inferno,
Another, a vicious storm of snow.

I hate this place with all my heart,
Thought it was heaven from the start,
Time has proved that this is a spiteful hell,
That I shall not regret to bid farewell.

These fifteen days will go to waste,
I hope they pass with greater haste,
For when they do I can leave with bliss,
With dear people I can then reminisce.

Perhaps I've realized my mortality,
Brought upon by a kind reality,
That is to turn to others when in need,
And that I have such companions indeed.

大嫌いだよ、この町に、
本物の友達がない、ただ苦しいと痛み、
いつか帰る、絶対に、
君たちのそばに。

たぶん、生きているよかった、
なぜなら、君たちは最高だ、
家族みたいな、君たちは、
もう一度、無限のありがとうございました。

Though I Personally Find The Japanese Part Sounding Kind Of Like A Will. My Bad.

Adieu To Y'all. We're About Half Way Through.

The Unwinnable Battle That Must Be Fought.

As Much As I Don't Want To Say This, I Have To. Because It's Bothering Me Very Much. And Regardless Of It Being You Trying To Smite Me Again Or Your True, Honest Intentions Of Trying To Console Me, Either Way, It's Not Working.

You Call It The 'I Love Myself' Activity. But In The End I Feel That As Much As I Could Love Myself, I Would Hate Myself Just As Much. Because All That I'm Getting Are The Everyday, Very Usual Shoe-Polisher Kind Of Physical Praise, But No Inner Quality That I Can Be Proud Of Save The Cliche Ones That Are Too Commonly Used That Their Value Is Lost. And Thus I Feel Like I'm Being Lied To Just So That Others Do Not Hurt My Feelings, Little Do They Know, The Lie Itself Is The Greatest Desecration Of My Very Being. I Deserve The Truth, No Matter How Ugly And Painful It May Be. Because I Can Take It. Because The Truth To Me Is Like Infinite Ant Bites; I Can Take Them. A Single Lie, However, Is Like A Fatal Bullet Through The Brain; That, I Cannot Take.

I've Held Myself Back From Saying This For 5 Days. I Couldn't Go Any Further. Because All I Have Left Is My Self. I Have Lost Everything Else. Every Single Other Thing. And I Cannot Afford To Lose Myself, When It Is The Only Thing I Have Left. Only In Facing The Truth, By Accepting It As What It Is And Seeing Every Side, Every Angle, The Good, The Bad And The Ugly Alike, Without Filtering The Unwanted Bits, Can I Keep My Self.

But My Greatest Loss Is Still... Like A Phoenix That Lost Its Fire.

In the end,
This is one mistake I cannot amend,
The more this problem I try to transcend,
The more I find I'd condescend.

In avoiding you I'm not being true,
In facing you I break my own heart,
Perhaps we can never start anew,
Thus I shall continue to love you,
From afar and apart.

迷うこと恐れずに　羽ばたける
鼓動が波打つ　まだ　夢をあきらめないで
暗闇も　孤独にも　立ち向かう
君と出会えた悦びを　必ず伝えにいこう

Like How A Phoenix Can Never Be With His Beloved Dove. His Flames Will Purge Her With Propinquity, Breaking His Own Heart, Yet It Is Infinitely Painful For Him To Not Be Able To Be Directly Responsible For Her Well Being, To Be Physically There For Her, When It Is His Heart's Greatest Desire.

Well, Adieu To Y'all. The Infernal Flames Of The Nether Phoenix Shall Burn Forever, Even If It Consumes Itself.