Immortal Solitude, Soon

After Much Reflection And Recollection, I Realize, Indeed, Solitude Is Really The Best Kind Of Life For Me. Not That I Want To Be Alone Eternally, But Just That, It's Only With The Distance Can I Really Enjoy Friendship. Because... Uh... Well, This Is Hard To Put In Words Actually.

Put It This Way. Only With The Distance And The Lack Of Propinquity Can I Truly Enjoy To The Fullest What It Feels Like To Have Friends. Without Screwing Up. Yes, Main Point Being 'Without Screwing Up'. I Mean, I Like The Idea Of Friends, And How They Are There When You Need Them And All, But I'm Always Scared I Screw Things Up. Because I Always Do, Hence The Fear. Because It's Nice To Know That There Are People That You Can Really Talk With, Crap With Even, People That You Can Really Feel Comfortable And Cozy And Whatnot In Their Presence. And When You Find These People, You Really Don't Wanna Let The Shit Hit The Fan And Mess Things Up Between You And Them. Which Happens WAY Too Often To Me.

I Remember There Was A Time That Some Shit Happened And A Friend Of Mine And I Myself Never Spoke To Each Other For More Than 1/2 A Year. Something I Said/Done, But Never Found Out What, Even Till This Day. But Thanks To The Magic That Is Time And Space, Things Are Fixed And Now We Are More Than Just On Talking Terms; Back To Being Really Good Friends.

And Now The Exact Same Tragedy Is Happening; Something I Said AND Done, And I Know Perfectly What They Are, BUT, After The Shit Hits The Fan It Splatters Around The Floor With A Totally Different Pattern, And A Familiar One At That; One That I Doubt I'll Ever Be Prepared To Face, No Matter How Many Times It Recurs.

I Myself Lost Count Of How Many Times Such A Fate Befell Me. Which Is Why I Finally Decided, Solitude Is For The Best, For Myself And People Worthy Enough To Be My Friends, Because With The Scarce Interaction I Won't Get The Chance To Mess Our Relationship Up, And If They Deem Me Unworthy Of Being Their Friend, Then They Can Just Forget I Ever Existed. There, A Rare Win-Win Situation In A Zero-Sum-Game World.

And Since I'm A Damn Weird Person Who Only Gets Homesick Upon Returning Home After A VERY Long Time Away From It, I Also Find That I Miss Friends When Communicating With Them Directly After A VERY Long Time Of Not Keeping In Touch. And Y'all Who Know Me Well Would Also Know That I Don't Communicate Much With People, Let Alone In Person. So Whenever After A Some Weeks/Months When I Decide To Text/IM/Call Someone Or Receive Them From Someone, It'll Just Strike Me; How Damn Long Was It Since We Last Talked, Damn I Miss This Person. Even More So When We Actually Meet/Gather In Person.

I Start To Miss The Guys Of 19 When They Ask Me To Join A Game Of DotA Through GG. I Miss Them Most When We Actually Gather At One Place For A LAN Game Of DotA.

I Start To Miss The Girls Of 19 When They Call For A Meeting To Discuss Our Next Trip Somewhere For The Semester Break. I Miss Them The Most When All Of 19 Gather During Our Outing Before Bed For Something Like A Pillowtalk Session For The Whole Group.

I Start To Miss The People Of TB1 (That Are Not Here In Kampar) When I'm Informed That They'll Be At Some Event That I Can Make It To, Or When Some Of Them Plan To Actually Come Up North To Kampar Itself. I Miss Them Most When I Actually Meet And Talk To Them, Be It Here In Kampar Or Wherever We Have Our Foundation Reunion, Although As Y'all Know, I Won't Be The One Talking Much.

So To Every Single Friend Of Mine Who Would Willingly And Sincerely Reciprocate These Feelings And Emotions Of Friendship, Especially Those With Me In May 2009 PY Intake, Please Forgive Me, For I May Not Appreciate Y'all The Way Y'all Would Me At This Time. Perhaps After We Graduate, Go Our Separate Ways And Live Our Separate Lives, Will I Truly Value The Priceless Blessing That Is Your Companionship During These 3 Years In UTAR. And I'll Dedicate A Masterpiece Of Mine To All Y'all Who Have Given Me The Privilege Of Your Company When I Can Achieve My (Almost) Immortal Solitude.

Speaking Of Which, The Poem By The Title 'Immortal Irony' That I Promised Y'all Is Complete, But I Unwittingly Added Too Much Juicy Stuff Into It That I Decided It Won't Be Posted Anytime Soon. Perhaps After The Dust Of The Incident Has Died Down.

Adieu To Y'all. And I Thank Y'all For Really Adding Spice To My Life.