Manuka Honey Cocktail

If There Is A Cure For My Cough That Lasts For 9 Weeks, It's The Honey. After Who Knows How Long All Of A Sudden There's 2 Bottles Of It In My Fridge And I Did Not Hesitate To Drown Myself In It. The Next Day, Voila.

And I Guess, Ultimately, I Was Bullshitting When I Said That I Wouldn't Stop Writing Anymore Poems. In The End, I Realized They Are Best Made When Driven By Emotions. When They Are Meant To Commemorate Something Memorable, Or For Memorable People. When The Effort Is Every Bit Worth Putting. With The Hollowness In Life Recently, Nothing Seems Worth The Effort. Nothing Seems Memorable Anymore. Nothing Seems To Be Able To Bring Out The Related Emotions Anymore. And I Myself Am Rather Sick Of Writing About Myself Falling And Persevering. I Miss The Last Time That I Wrote For Grand Yearly Celebrations, Small Time Wishes And Whatnot. Worst Of All, I Never Had The Chance To Write What I Wanted To Write Most, The Kind Of Poems That I Enjoy Writing The Most: Love Poems.

Japanese Love Songs Are Just So Beautiful. The Awesome Music Is One Thing, But The Heart-Melting Lyrics Is What Made Me An Addict. And I Cannot Help But Draw Inspiration From Them. I Even Go To The Extents Of Competing With Them; Comparing My Own Works With The Lyrics That Melted Me. But In The End It Is Something That I Can Only Think Of Doing. Because I Doubt The Appropriate Emotion Will Ever Fill My Heart. Not Sufficiently, At Least, To Allow Me To Write Something Worthy Of My Own Expectations.

Just Like A Friend Once Said, Love Is Like Lightning: Breathtaking To Behold, Deadly To Hold.

But Screw All That. Now Imma Get A WORKING PS2 Emulator And Kill Myself With SD Gundam G Generation Wars.

So Adieu To Y'all. Until After I Get The Game. BTW Dissidia Rox!

By The Time You Found What You Lost, You'd Hope You Were Found

I Find My Titles Are Getting Longer And Longer. I Don't Really Think I Can Help It, Because They REALLY Mean What I Want To Say.

So Yeah, I'm Home Now. Have Been Since Thursday Night. And Upon Returning, I Find Myself Missing More Things Than I Usually Do. To List Them Out,

1. I Miss Home. Always Do When I Reach Home And The First Thing I See Is Father's Almost Sinister Smirk. Hits The Peak When I Step Into The Hot Shower.
2. I Miss My Hot Shower, As I Have Mentioned.
3. I Miss My Edifier M3300, Although I'm Playing Tracks From Yuna Ito, Tanaka Rie And Inoue Marina Instead Of m.o.v.e Or T.M. Revolution.
4. I Miss McD. I Actually Began Missing It When I Got To The LRT Station, Before Reaching McD Itself. I Wow-ed Myself.
5. I Miss My Free-Flowing Supply Of Milk, Eventhough I Realized That I Myself May Be Slightly Lactose-Intolerant, But I Don't Give A Damn.
6. I Miss My Häagen-Dazs Coffee And Manuka Honey Cocktail. Still Get Drunk Over It, No Matter How Many Times I Try It.
7. I Miss My Tiny, Stinky Baby Pillows. And Sleeping Never Got Any Easier Than Getting Milk Stuffed Down My Throat And Then Getting A Whiff Of The Intoxicating Smell From The Pillows. Especially When They Still Smell Like The Sun.
8. I Miss Solitude. Surprisingly, When I Have Been Complaining About Being Alone And No One Understands Me And Whatnot. When I Get Home, It Feels Like, Nothing Can Feel More... Right... Than This. This Is Also When I Can Wholeheartedly Agree That It Is Indeed In Solitude That We Are Least Alone. I Am, At Least.
9. I Miss The Randomness When It Comes To Food When I'm Home. In Kampar It's Almost Predictable What I'd Eat, But Back Here, Even I'm Not Sure What I Want Because There's Just So Many Choices To Choose From. So Much So That It's Quite The Hassle To Even Decide If I Want To Eat.
10. Most Of All, I Miss Mum. Sadly It Is Only To Her That I Can Free Speak Without Minding My Choice Of Words And Its Contents. To The Extent That I Can Insult Her In Her Face With Vulgarities That No One Has Ever Heard Me Speak, And Yet I No Feelings Are Hurt. But Still, There Is Only So Much That One Can Take, Before One Breaks. And I'd Really Rather Not Break The One Who Mends My Broken Pieces Best.

Well, Those Are The Stuff That I Miss Upon Getting Them. That Said, There Are Things That I Miss That I Am Not Getting, Either Yet Or Ever:

1. My PS2. Or Its Successor The PS3. I Wish I Could Really Do More In This Solitude, Instead Of Relying On Just The Unreliable Net To Sate My Unquenchable Thirst For Imagination Fuel.
2. Quality Time With The 19 Gang. The Only Bunch Of Fellas That I Can Really Be With Without Risk Of Displeasure.
   
3. Quality Time With Some TB1 People. The Only People Outside Of My Family And The 19 Gang That I Can Really Be Myself With.
   
4. Some Quality Cinema Time. Preferably Alone. But Company's Fine. And With Quality Cinema Time, Hopefully Quality Movies As Well.
5. The Last Few Days Of April, 2010. The Only Time In My Life At Home When I Felt That In Was In Solitude That I Was Most Alone. Well, What's Past Is Past. Since History Will Very Likely Not Repeat Itself, Thank You For The Memories.

Today I Saw A Few People Who Where A Part Of My Past. People, Who Were Part Of The Past That I've Cast Aside, That Would Still Mean Something To Me. Sadly It Was Only I Who Saw Them. Yvonne And Vivian Tey, And Nick Kee. Well, Good To Know That Y'all Are Still Alive And Well.

And Tomorrow We Fight Another Bloody War That UTAR Puts Us Through Every Semester. And The Freakin' Battle Starts At 1 Bloody p.m.! Just When I Thought I Could Catch A Movie After Returning To KL For So Many Days. Dammit.

Oh Well, Adieu To Y'all. Back To Watching Top Gear. Heh.

The Unwinnable Battle That Must Be Fought.

As Much As I Don't Want To Say This, I Have To. Because It's Bothering Me Very Much. And Regardless Of It Being You Trying To Smite Me Again Or Your True, Honest Intentions Of Trying To Console Me, Either Way, It's Not Working.

You Call It The 'I Love Myself' Activity. But In The End I Feel That As Much As I Could Love Myself, I Would Hate Myself Just As Much. Because All That I'm Getting Are The Everyday, Very Usual Shoe-Polisher Kind Of Physical Praise, But No Inner Quality That I Can Be Proud Of Save The Cliche Ones That Are Too Commonly Used That Their Value Is Lost. And Thus I Feel Like I'm Being Lied To Just So That Others Do Not Hurt My Feelings, Little Do They Know, The Lie Itself Is The Greatest Desecration Of My Very Being. I Deserve The Truth, No Matter How Ugly And Painful It May Be. Because I Can Take It. Because The Truth To Me Is Like Infinite Ant Bites; I Can Take Them. A Single Lie, However, Is Like A Fatal Bullet Through The Brain; That, I Cannot Take.

I've Held Myself Back From Saying This For 5 Days. I Couldn't Go Any Further. Because All I Have Left Is My Self. I Have Lost Everything Else. Every Single Other Thing. And I Cannot Afford To Lose Myself, When It Is The Only Thing I Have Left. Only In Facing The Truth, By Accepting It As What It Is And Seeing Every Side, Every Angle, The Good, The Bad And The Ugly Alike, Without Filtering The Unwanted Bits, Can I Keep My Self.

But My Greatest Loss Is Still... Like A Phoenix That Lost Its Fire.

In the end,
This is one mistake I cannot amend,
The more this problem I try to transcend,
The more I find I'd condescend.

In avoiding you I'm not being true,
In facing you I break my own heart,
Perhaps we can never start anew,
Thus I shall continue to love you,
From afar and apart.

迷うこと恐れずに　羽ばたける
鼓動が波打つ　まだ　夢をあきらめないで
暗闇も　孤独にも　立ち向かう
君と出会えた悦びを　必ず伝えにいこう

Like How A Phoenix Can Never Be With His Beloved Dove. His Flames Will Purge Her With Propinquity, Breaking His Own Heart, Yet It Is Infinitely Painful For Him To Not Be Able To Be Directly Responsible For Her Well Being, To Be Physically There For Her, When It Is His Heart's Greatest Desire.

Well, Adieu To Y'all. The Infernal Flames Of The Nether Phoenix Shall Burn Forever, Even If It Consumes Itself.

In The End, All For Nothing

It Is Official. Finally, After 76 Agonizing Days. My Beloved Dove And Whatever Is Is That She Chose As Her Mate Have Found Their Avalon. Just As I Have Predicted. Just As I Feared. This Is The Kind Of Situation Where You'd Rather Be Wrong Than Right. I Know I Would. But This Is Beside The Main Point.

What Is, However, Is That If This Is How It Is Ending Then What Was All That Chaos For? What Were All Those Words, Hard Feelings And Hateful Deeds For? What Was All That Secrecy, Deceit And Denial For? What Was All That Unnecessary Shit For, When In The End That's How You Both Wanted It? Why Would You Want To Hide The Fact If You've Been At It For 33 Days, And Screw And Skewer All Those Who Felt Too Happy For You To Contain Their Own Excitement? Was It All Worth It? All That Was Lost, Are They Truly Justified? Is There Even A Necessity For All That Destruction?

Yes, For The First Time, I AM Imposing Guilt Onto People. Because It Was Truly Uncalled For. Because I Want You To Think About It. It Happened When It Didn't Need To, And You Allowed It To Happen - No, You MADE It Happen -Without A Care For Whatever Else.

But, I Guess You Can't Unscramble Eggs, Can You? No One Can, Not Even Your Almighty.

This Discrimination Aside, Perhaps There's Nothing More That Is Unjust. And The Fact That This Truth You Have Finally Willingly Revealed Has Left Me At Peace. With You And, Most Importantly, Myself. But I Will Never Forget The 'Duty' That I Have Successfully Carried Out, A 'Success' That I Can Only Be Ashamed Of. And Now, My 'Job' Is Done.

Adieu To Y'all. Because Everyone Deserves The Truth, No Matter How Painful It May Be; Not Their Faith Rewarded, No Matter How Desperately They Cling Onto It.

Now Undeniably Proven, The Nether Phoenix Shall Rise Again

Now All Evidence Showing Otherwise Can Be Totally Discarded, No Matter How Convincing. Because I Have Proof. A Single Proof That Invalidates Infinite Evidences.

I Thank You Sincerely, My Dove. You Given Me Proof That You Are Not My Enemy. You Have Shown Me Beyond A Doubt That It Is Truly Not My Fault. Even The Fault And Guilt Of My Father Pales In Comparison To The Infernal Desecration Committed Upon Me By The True Perpetrator, The One At Fault Whose Crimes Continue To Plague The World, Although Was Punished 2 Millennia Ago, And Was Wrongfully Worshiped As A Martyr By Ignorant Fools Who Blindly Believe Without Even Evidence That Was Easy To Begin With, Let Alone Proof.

And It Is Sad That The Plague Of Ignorance Continues To Spread, And More People Succumbing To It. Worst Of All, Innocent Children Of Ignorant Parents Are Doomed To Follow In Their Footsteps, Ensuring That Every Next Generation Consists Of More Who Are Prone To Blame Themselves For Every Failure, But Credit Another For Every Success Gained By Their Very Own Effort, Sweat And Blood.

The Hate I Had For You Was Wrongly Placed. I Understand If You'd Repay Me With Equal Emotions For Eternity. But Now I Am Even More Deeply Indebted To You. You Have Not Only Relighted My Fire, But Widened My Eyes As Well. And I Am Now Able To Accept The One Simple Fact: That Until This Invisible Barrier Is Destroyed, I Can Never Hope To Soar The Skies With You, To Unite The Two Worlds That We Are In.

I Now Understand That You Lied Back Then Because You Had To, Because You Had No Other Choice. I Now Understand That Indeed We Are Worlds Apart, That Much Is True, But Not Only Because Of Differences In Personality. Rather, It Was Also A Difference In Mind, Faith, Beliefs. You Basically Told Me The Whole Truth, The Lie Being The One Single Word That Was Never Said, That I Never Could Accept Until Such Undeniable Proof was Presented.

Again, Forgive Me, And Thank You.

Such Is The True Nature Of This Barrier Called Religion. It Was Meant To Unite The People. It United The People Of The State, But At The Same Time, Divided The People Of The World.

And You Were Right, Yat. There Is Indeed A Blessing In Disguise. In My Heartbreak I've Found A Greater Resolve To Oppose The Ways Of The World. To Purge The World Clean Of This Division. To Ensure That The Generations After Ours Are Free From This Blight That Has Plagued My Life. Or Ours, Should You Choose Not To Give It Up Yet.

Adieu To Y'all. Thanks To A Mortal Dove, The Nether Phoenix That Is Ian 'IMD!!!' Chee Has Risen From These Ashes Of Darkness Once Again.

Immortally IMD!!!

I am myself a blackened shadow,
A dark silhouette on a bright meadow,
It is who I am, not what binds me,
Not just my past, but my identity.

My hatred is immortal,
For my past was infernal,
Destroyed I was by actions not my own,
But by fools who, until today,
Believe for nothing they have to atone.

When fault is mine and mine alone,
Then solutions are mine to hone,
But when that lies in another,
Blame is all I can do,
But can improve no further.

By knowing just this single fact,
I know that from now on I must act,
I am at peace with myself,
But not the fools who's descriptions,
Are exactly like some book of the shelf.

I will not repeat the same mistake,
To do to others what they did to me,
For that and that alone,
The ease of life I'm willing to forsake,
Till my very own way is plain to see.

That is why I defy society's norm
Because what they need is a real reform
To realize their faults and wrongs
To return fairness and justice,
Back to where they belong.

But if they choose to keep their rotten ways,
I shall personally set them ablaze,
For some fools are beyond salvation,
Their existence do no more,
Than rushing the world's annihilation.

To the rest of the world,
Whom my flames they eagerly fan,
Just try to stop me if you can!
Because,
As you're ending, I'm about to begin,
My strength is pain, but I'll never give in!

I march alone against this worldly tide,
When others would steer clear, far and wide,
I fear not the impossible,
As long as I fight for myself,
And for a goal honorable.

Those who will choose to join me,
Shall do so ever willingly,
But know that I am fully prepared,
To fight alone, unimpaired.

This is what it means to be IMD!!!,
To be Inspiring Matchless Decree,
For all who choose to oppose me,
Be ready to set your life free,
When I am done there will only be,
Lifeless corpses as far as the eye can see!!!

I Declare...

Today Was The Ultimate Emotional Torment For Me. The Ultimate Worst. I Wonder Myself How Could I NOT Take My Own Life After Today. I Was Practically Bashed Across The Face First Thing In The Morning In Campus, Forcefully Fed With Poison That Reacts The Moment It Enters The Mouth During The Very First Class, Bound, Gagged And Whipped Mercilessly At Midday, And Worst Of All, Had A Stake Thrown Right Through My Heart When I Thought I Can Finally Get Away From All Of It. HOW THE FUCK CAN I STILL ENDURE ALL THIS!? WHY AM I STILL ALIVE!?

I Swear It's Like Having AIDS, Getting Skinned Alive, Fed Rat Poison And Still Surviving For 3 Months And Counting Past The Estimated Time Of Death.

All This Intentional Provocation, Do You Really Wish To See Me Suffer That Much? Do You Share His Delight In Torturing Others? In Torturing ME!?

Indeed. Perhaps The One Condition For A Successful Relationship Of The Seven That I Can Never Agree To Is True; That You Have To Let Your Partner Influence You. Now I See How Is That True. So True To The Extent That One Was Willing To Become A Hypocrite While Another Became A Sadist.

That Unconditional Support, Even In Fault, That I Have Yearned For All These Months, Is To Be Out Of My Reach. Forever.

In This I Must And Will Correct My Statement. You Are Not Blind, I Was Wrong About That. You Were Just Devoted. So Much So That, Like The Person You Are Devoted To, Nothing Else Matters, And The Only People Who Are Feinting Ignorance Are Those That Said Person Has Yet To Cross.

Happiest Two Days My Foot. More Like Two Years.

With That I Officially Declare Myself An Anti-Social. Because Society Only Brings Despair To One From A World Free Of Deception.

Adieu To Y'all. Feel No Remorse, For When You Are Hit, You Deserve It Hard. As Hard As I Had It At Least.

What Else Do You Have To Say, Huh?

It's Ironically Amazing How True The Word 'Loneliness' Describes Me. That Presentation On Loneliness Really Opened My Eyes (And Hopefully Of Others As Well), Justified My Actions And Kind Of Retold The Story Of My Past. Many Facts Confirmed My Misery, Many Details Justified My Agony, Many Points Just Proved To Me That I Was Right About What I Speculated To Have Destroyed My Life. And It's So True Yet Ironic, I Can't Help But Laugh.

That's The Thing About People Destined For Greatness: They Live A Life Harder And More Challenging Than Your Average Person And When They Want To Have Someone Understand The Shit They Go Through, Most People Can't Accept The Fact That They're Still Alive After All That. Some Degenerates Even Resort To Telling Others That The Hard Life Faced By These Great People Was A 'Made-Up-Story' Intended To Be Used To Fish For Sympathy And To Make Others Feel Bad For Them Or Feel Guilty For Not Helping Them Out.

But There You Are. We Are Who We Are Because Of What Life Put Us Through. And We Have Survived What None Of You Could Ever Imagine, Let Alone Understand. Concrete Evidence Presented, Though I Can't Really Prove Anything Unless You Personally Interview My Mum And Goddad. Not That I Expect Degenerates To Understand In The First Place; I Just Want To Make Things Clear, The Fact That I Don't Make Stories Up To Fish For Sympathy Or Impose Guilt Onto Others. Especially Not The One That I Love. Not The One That I Am Eternally Indebted To. Not The One That I Must Stay Away From Just To Not Risk Hurting.

But I Guess It Is Too Late. Hate Has Sprouted From The Degenerate-Planted Seed. And The Acknowledging Of My True Enemy Has Fueled The Growth Of Hate. All Too Little, Too Late. All That Can Still Be Done Is To Not Allow The Seed Of Hate Sprout From My Own Heart.

Adieu To Y'all. I Acknowledge That In Much Wisdom Is Much Grief.

Sugar Makes Me HOT!!!

Literally. Hot As In I Feel Like Freezing My Hairy Arse By Sitting Butt Naked On Antarctic Ice. Because For The Past 3 Days I've Been Consuming 1.5 Litres Of Sugar Per Day. No Shit. Yesterday I Finished A Bottle Of Sprite, Which Contains 11g Of Sugar Per 100ml. Today I Finished A Bottle Of Vanilla Coke, Which Like Sprite And It's Ordinary Counterpart, Also Has 11g Of Sugar For Every 100ml. And Tomorrow, The Way Things Are Going, I'm Expecting To Finish A Bottle Of Mountain Dew That Has A Whopping 12.5g Of Sugar In 100ml.

Damn I'm Gonna Regain All The Weight That My Depression Made Me Lose.

And Yeah. There You Are. Mountain Dew Is Officially The Sweetest Soft Drink. And Not Freaking 100-Plus For Goodness Sakes. Really, Wherever You Heard That Rumour Just Cast It Back Where It Came From. It's Just Got Like, 6.5g If I Remember Correctly.

And Also, I'm Gonna Bathe 3 Times A Day Because Of This.

Damn It Feels Like Chinese New Year All Over Again.

And Ironically, I'm Taking A Hot Cup Of Milo To Hopefully Aid Me In Falling Asleep Because I Ran Out Of Cough Mixture. Because Milk From 7-11 Is Only Worth Buying When You Think Anything There Is Worth Twice The Usual Price. Hell, I Payed Almost RM5 For A Bloody Bottle Of Sprite That I Can Get In Tesco For What, RM2.50?

Well, Adieu To Y'all. When All This Is Done I SWEAR I'm Gonna Get A Lifetime Supply Of Sleeping Pills.

The Weak Of Mind Beware.

I Have Decided To Put 'The Carapace', A Blog By Another Atheist, Here. It's Now On The Right Labeled As 'Food For Thought'.

And Seriously, Should You Choose To Read It, Think About It Before Dismissing Everything You See As Blasphemy And Outrageous And Whatnot; There May Be More Truth There Than Anything You've Ever Encountered In Life. And I Say This Because This Blog Has Confirmed Many Of The Doubts I Had In Life, And Being Proven Right There's Nothing That Can Boost My Self-Confidence More Than This At The Moment. Those Who Are Intolerant Towards Freedom Of Thought And Speech, However, Should Really Break That Barrier, Cast Aside The Prejudices And Stereotypes That You've Bound Yourselves And The Rest Of The World To, And Just Take It With A Pinch Of Salt At Least. Because In Reality, The Same Should Be Done With What You've Held Onto For However Long You Have Lived. Those Who Cannot Afford To Trade Their Pride For Wisdom, Well, You Have Been Warned. Don't Say I Didn't Warn You, Because I Remember Placing A Very Harsh Warning Right Above The Link.

That Said, I Must Again Announce That I Am No Atheist. What I Am Is An Agnostic. What's The Difference? There's A Whole World Of It.

I Amaze Myself Today. Though I'm Having Heavy Metal Blasting Through My Earphones To Amplify My Current State Of Depression, My Tone Is Surprisingly Calm And Forgiving Today. Hmm...

Well, Adieu To Y'all. Maybe The Coming Out Of The Second Wisdom Tooth Really Worked As A Depression Leak.

Kindness Is Inhuman

After Watching That Video About Abortion, It Just Proves To Me How Selfish One Must Be To Be Human. How Selfish One Must Be To Survive The Human Society To Be Human; How One Must Protect One's Self Even If It Means Taking The Lives Or Livelihood Of Countless Others. And Yet Generations Of Hypocritical Parents Tell Their Children To Not Do To People What You Don't Want Done To You. How's That Even Possible? So We Should Not Kill Others And Let Others Kill Us Instead Because We Don't Want Others To Kill Us? How's That Even Possible? How's It Possible For Us To Survive Without Harming Others When They Key To Survival Is Harming Others? For The Third Bleeding Time, How Is That Even Possible?

And They're Telling Us Not To Be Selfish.

Oh Sure. Then When We Sceptical Young Ones Point Out The Inconsistencies And Contradictions Then They Start Feeding Us The "Oh, There Are Exceptions" Bullshit. So How Does One Not Be Selfish And Care For One's Self First? How Does One Be Selfless And Care For One's Own Needs? It's Like, Better Safe Than Sorry But Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained. So What The FUCK Are We Supposed To Do? I KNOW! LETS BE BARBARIC AND KILL EVERYONE BEFORE ANYONE CAN KILL OURSELVES! SO I'M GONNA KILL YOU BEFORE YOU KILL ME!!!

And Such Is The Destiny Of Mankind. If One's Need Is Satisfied By Harming Another, Then Let's All Kill Each Other And So The Last Man Standing Gets Whatever He Wanted.

Contradictions.

Everyday And Everywhere We Find Contradictions. And I Grow Sick Of It. Shows More Of Mankind's True Colours. And All In The Name Of Personal Gain. Personal Benefit. At The Expense Of Others. And That Is What Makes Us Human. Proves That Humans Are Animals As Well. And It Is So Unlike The Beasts That We Are To Be Kind, Regardless Of How Much We Deny Being Beasts. So It Is Also True That As Much As People Are Born With The Innate Ability For Compassion, There Is Also The Innate Ability For Evil. And It Is Such A Sad Reality That The Evil People Outnumber The Compassionate By A Million (Or More) To One.

But People Tell Me To Have Hope. So That I Can Be Disappointed Again? Sorry. I'd Rather Not. They Say We All Fall In Life, But It Is A Choice Whether Or Not We Get Up Again. So My Choice Is To Stay Down. So That I Do Not Fall Again And Break Another Bone. Because The Bigger They Are, The Harder They Fall. So Vermin Can Afford To Drop Again And Again Without Anything To Lose, But Every Time I Reach For The Sky, Somehow Gravity Gets Infinite Times Stronger And I Land With A Bang. I'm Surprised I Don't Land Squished By My Own Body Weight.

How Can I Love Mankind Anymore?

People Are Double Crossed In The Name Of Personal Gain. People Lie In The Name Of Personal Gain. People Abandon Obedience And Adopt Deviance For Personal Gain. People Forget Who They Are For Personal Gain. People Lose Themselves For Personal Gain. Ironic. This Isn't Give And Take Anymore. This Is Downright Rob And Throw Away. To The Extent That They Would Destroy Their Lives Just To Live.

People Will Brand Me A Fool For Not Thinking As They Do. I Brand Myself A Fool For Not Thinking As I Do Now Sooner. I Brand Myself A Fool For Only Realizing The True Colour Of Mankind After 15 Years Of Life When I Should've Realized It During The Very First Year. Such A Simple Fact Took Me So Long To Learn. It Literally Took Me 15 Years To Understand Why Two Plus Two Is Equal To Two Times Two Which Is Also Equal To Two Squared, All Having 4 As The Number On The Other Side Of The Equation.

Adieu To Y'all. Until The Next You Hear Of This Fool.

When Everything Goes Down, Down, Down...

I Think Sometimes The Only Explanation For My Blog Background Not Loading Is Because ImageShack Is Facing Technical Issues At That Particular Moment.

I Think That People Actually Put All Their Hearts Into Smiting Me, And They Plan It So Carefully That It's All Supposed To Feel Random. And Though I Know That They Derive Pleasure From Me Suffering, I Just Can't Help But Express How Miserable I Am Just So That They Know That They're Doing A Good Job At Smiting Me. Probably Because I Actually Enjoy Depression, No Mater How Much I Hate It At The Very Same Time. It's Like Eating Bittersweet Food; You Hate With All Your Heart The Bitterness, But Just For The Sake Of The Rewarding Sensation That Is The Sweetness You Put Yourself Through Hell. Well, It Applies To Me At Least.

I Think That FictionJunction Yuuka Is Probably The Best Project That Kajiura Yuki Had Ever Worked On. Followed By Her Assisting Toshihiko Sahashi In Gundam Seed/Seed Destiny OST And Then Her Solo Works. See-Saw And Her Other FictionJunction Pairs Haven't Done As Well As The First And Longest Running FictionJunction.

I Think I Have 3 Wisdom Teeth. And The Second One Is Confirmed, Giving Me The Telltale Irritations And Slight Pains That The First One Didn't. Hopefully Since It's Giving Me All These Small Time Problems It Wont Give Me The Damn Ulcer That The First One Did, Because Damn That Was Irritatingly Painful. Which Sucks. I Remember My Father Saying This Just To Make Me (And Mum) Feel Bad: "If It Comes Out Normally, Then You Call It A Wisdom Tooth. If It Gives You Problems, Then It's A Foolish Tooth." (Vincent Chee, 2010)

DAMN I HATE WISDOM(Or Foolish) TEETH!!!~~~

I Think Marvel VS Capcom 3 Is Awesome. I Also Think That I'm Getting A PS3 Because Of It. And Because Of Many Other Games Like Tekken6 And Metal Gear Solid 5 And Assassin's Creed II. And The Four Games With A 4 In Them: Devil May Cry 4, Super Street Fighter 4, GTA 4 And Also Metal Gear Solid 4.

I Think I'm Really Having Low Chances Of Surviving This Year, Thus Not Surviving To See A PS3 In My Possession. Because I'm Spending Money Like Who Knows What And If I Don't Seek Professional Help Soon, I'll Probably Be Spending Blood As Well.

I Think The Price OF Recycled Paper Has Gone Up. Because I'm Paying RM1.20 For New Straits Times That Keeps Getting Thinner And Thinner By The Day. One Day I Think I'll Really Resort To Counting Them Pages To See If I'm Wrong.

I Think While The Price Of Sugar Has Gone Up, The Price Of Condensed Milk Has Gone Down Instead. The Last Time I Ordered For Milo It Looked More Like Milk With Milo Than Milo With Milk.

I Think That's All I Can Think Of At The Moment. Or Rather, That's All I Can Remember Of What I Had In My Mind For The Past Month.

I Think Now's The Time For Me To Say Adieu To Y'all. And For The Record, Capcom PWNS Marvel. Go Dante, Trish, Amaterasu, Morrigan And Chris.

Immortal Revelation

When mankind turn into vermin,
All that they deserve is famine,
For only in loss will they realize,
The value of the already lost prize.

There is no turning back for them,
The problem was rooted too deep to stem,
Though they may have once been a gem,
Tainted, they are less than disgusting phlegm.

A single year is all it takes,
Before a carefully built bridge breaks,
All that thanks not to dire quakes,
But merely to treacherous snakes.

Long seen through, your poorly played facade,
Perhaps you take me for a retard,
But just like you, I can put up an act,
But mine will end along with this contract.

Different people you now are,
Not the people we once knew,
But this change is in fact a scar,
That forces us to bid you adieu.

As clouds adopt a crimson shade,
Raining down a bloody cascade,
Revealing this unworthy crusade,
Unveiling hearts behind masquerades.

Time and nature has both revealed,
The string pullers behind the battlefield,
Oppression their idea of peace,
Assuming revolution will cease.

Let them continue this Endless Waltz,
Of war, peace and revolution,
Let them be blind to their victory false,
As we found a stronger resolution.

All Became Clear

Now I Know.

You Don't Know Yourself. You Just 'Believe' What Others Impose Onto You. You Just Blindly Trust What Others Say They Think About You. Now I Don't Just Know. Now I Understand.

I Am Very Terribly Saddened. I Am Saddened By The Fact That All My Attempts To Enlighten You Have Miserably Failed. Perhaps My Cryptic Ways Were More Mysterious And Unclear When Compared To Your Nonexistent Spiritual Guardian, So Much So That You Can't Even Grasp A Hint Of It. But I Do Not Blame You Entirely. Those Who Imposed Values Upon You Are Also At Fault. But There Is One Thing In Which I Am Equally At Fault As You, And That Is Being Human. Yes, We Are Both Humans, And Thus We Are Vulnerable To All This Nonsense. So If I Was Ever Sorry About Anything, If I Was Ever To Regret Anything, it Is Being Human. If There Is One Thing About You And I That I Absolutely Have To Hate, It Is The Fact That You And I Are Human. The Fact That We Are The Weaklings Known As Humans Is What Makes Us Vulnerable To All This Shit.

But In The End, What Sets Us Apart Is That I Chose The Harder Path. I Chose The Path Without Faith, But Only Knowledge. I Chose The Path That Will Eventually Make Me Stronger. The Path That Allows Me To See And Accept The World For What It Truly Is, And Not To Continuously Convince Myself That Everything Will Be Fine. Because In The End, One Who Can Bear The Burden Of Knowledge Is One Who Is Free From The False Bliss That Ignorance Brings.

How Did This Dawn Upon Me? A Really Good Presentation That Touched A Little About Emotional Quotient And Something You Mentioned Yourself Led To This Revelation. Once Again, I Must Thank You. Yet Again You Have Given Me A Point Of View That Showed Me What The World's True Nature Really Is, Albeit Unwittingly So. However Ironic It May Be, I Now Cannot Deny That It Is The Ignorance Of Others That Eventually Grants Me Wisdom.

Perhaps It Is Truly My Destiny. That I Must Be One Thing That I Despise To The Core; That I Must Make Use Of The Misfortune Of Others To Rise Above The Clouds. But At Least For Me It Is Justified; As Revenge Upon Those Who Have Manipulated Me. Though This Does Not Change The Fact That I'm Destined For Greatness. What About You? What Is Your Destiny? To Be Blindly Led Around By Questionable, Non-Trustworthy People? That, Is Entirely Up To You To Decide.

It Is Still My Wish That You Will One Day Just Snap Out Of This Pleasant Illusion Of Yours And Wake Up To Reality. But The Way Things Are Going, That'll Probably Remain Just As Wishful Thinking For The Foreseeable Future.

Wise Up Please, People. Or Perhaps It Is I That Should Wise Up And Stop Trying To Save Those Who Are Not Exactly Keen To Save Themselves. But I Suppose That This Proves That Humans Are Indeed Born With The Innate Nature Of Kindness Towards Others, Regardless Of What Others May Think Of Them.

Adieu To Y'all. Rise To The Skies With Me; Free Yourself From This Pit Of Malice, And Help Me Save The Rest Of Those Who Mutually Mean Something In Our Lives.

The Colour Of Mankind

Is A Dark, Morbid, Bloody And Twisted One. More Than Enough Times Have I Seen People Change For The Worse For Selfish Reasons And Gains. A Mere Joker Turned Into A Liar, Traitor And Manipulator That Turns On Everyone Else Just To Achieve Personal Goals. An Atheist Who Suddenly Turns Into A Believer Just Because Their Significant Other i.e. Boyfriend/Girlfriend Is A Believer, And Starts Saying Stuff Like 'God Bless You' And 'God Is Always With You' And All The Fucking Shitty Nonsense That We Used To Laugh At So Wildly Together. A Once Smart And Critical Person Turns To A Simple-Minded 'Believer' Who Simply Believes Everything That Is Said Without Investigation Or Analysis. And It Is No Coincidence That Said Person Believes Every Single Badmouth Out There That Are Hell Bent On Making My Life Miserable. Well, Sorry Assholes, If You're Gonna Be Stupid And Have Blind Faith In EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING, Then Your Foolishness Is Beyond Salvation. Damn Now I Really Respect Oda Nobunaga.

So What Is Exactly The Colour Of Mankind? Just Take A Picture Of A Rainbow And Invert Its Colours And You'll Have A Slight Idea Of How Sickening It Is. It Is Fucked Up.

I Just Can't Stop Thinking About How Utterly Selfish Humans Can Be When For Countless Generations We've Been Telling Each Other How Not To Treat Others In Ways We Don't Want To Be Treated. But I Guess All That Can Be Forgone As Long As One Achieves What One Wants.

That's Why I Am IMD!!!. That Is Why I Will Do Whatever I Can To Oppose Every Single Norm Of Twisted Humanity; To Set Things Straight And Back On Course On Enlightened Civilization, Not Backward Barbarism. That Is Why I'm No Vermin Who Does Not Walk The Talk. That's Why I Swore To Myself Never To Be The Bigmouth No Balls And Brains Kind Of Guy. That's Why I Don't Make Promises Unless I'm 100% Certain I Won't Break Them. That Is Why I Am So Intolerant To Uncertainty. Because That Is What Humanity Made Me: A Seemingly Uncertain Person Who Says Maybe To Every Single Thing Because He's Not 100% Sure.

And After All I've Been Through I Just Have To Say This Again: It Sucks To Be Me. But Then Again, To Be Strong Is To Have A Life Like The Rest But Come Out Higher Than The Rest. Or To Have A Harder Life Than Others But To Come Up Equal Or Better. And Clearly The Latter Undeniably Applies To Me. So To All Y'all Who Wanna Screw My Life Over, Too Bad Suckers. Unless God Himself Wanted To... No, That Wouldn't Help You Either.

And Now I Officially Declare Myself An Agnostic. Because I Don't Know And I Don't Fucking Care. Makes No Difference Save The Fact That People Will Actually Be Stronger Mentally If The Nonexistent Being Was Proven To Not Exist.

Adieu To Y'all. From DMD To IMD, We All Know This Is One Step To Greatness.