It’s Just The 1st Academic Week, And So Much Has Transpired. Much, That Had Hurt Me To A Certain Extent.
I Tried Not To Believe It. I Tried To Think Otherwise. But All That Has Happened Made Me Believe That I’m Just A Shadow; Following You Around, Watching Over You, But Whose Voice Will Always Fall Upon Deaf Ears. Many Times I Told You To Do Things That I Thought Would Be Best If You Did. Sometimes I Even Yelled, Just To Make Sure I Got The Message Through, But All In Vain. But When Someone Else Tells You The Exact Same Thing Just A Second After, You Do It Without Question. How Do You Expect Me To Accept That? We’ve Been ‘Family’ For The Past Year, And Yet My Advice You Took As The Rhythm Of The Wind, While That Of Others You Take Them Seriously? You’ve Hurt Me Badly, And I Thought We Were Family.
Maybe It’s True That In Today’s Culture, The Words Of Friends Impacts Greater On People Than Words Of Family. Or Maybe We’re Not ‘Family’, But Just A Shadow That Stands Below Your Feet; You Acknowledge Its Existence, But It Wouldn’t Matter If It Didn’t.
And More Than Ever Do I Want To Hypnotize Myself. Desperately So. I Need To Rid Myself Of Useless And Meaningless Emotions, Especially Envy. The Anger Caused By The Above Case Coupled With The Sudden Flash Of Certain Painful Pasts Really Tore My Heart Out, And My Voice With It. Quiet I May Have Been But Never Before Have I Felt So Speechless In Facing Problematic Situations. All That And The Stupid Desire To Claim What’s Not Mine…
Now, Thanks To All That, The More I Speak, The More I Risk Breaking My Own Heart. The More I Try To Be Social, The More I Discover That I’m Actually Trying To Destroy Myself. Once Again, The Eerie Silence Is Golden.
Adieu To Y'all. Feel Free To Break The Heart Of Others, As You Have Mine.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
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2 comments:
As i read through, i felt that u r writing with anger. I dunno wat happening btw you guys, but a family does not mean it will not have any arguments. and not meaning that your advice should be accepted and implemented. for eg, sometimes,i will not folo my parent advices. There are lessons of giving advices to others too..treating different ppl nid to use different methods. or might be the timing problems... who know?
if u have move a large step to change yourself to be more sociable, why not 'try' another step try to put some efforts in stepping out the another?may be dealing with emotion stability? even the boring physics leacturer oso teach us, gt input then oni gt output, the more input u put, the more outcome u get. sry for the lame example, but it is a fact.
even though wat i wrote may be all craps for u, but i really mean it and want u to understand that u r nt a MIC again, anymore!! and now u r my gang wan..it might not be the best, but all are true-hearted one are here..u cant find betraying, u cant find sarcastic.
as i say u not MIC anymore then pls throw the memory away. start ur new life.
even the closest friends oso will argue, there will be disappointed too..then? is it dun wan to talk to them anymore? wat fault they did? and make u cant forgive or treat it as nth?
if u take one more another step and this, might avoid sth unhappy happened, in your point of view, worth to do it? or stupid, it is against my principle?
If, really, they are wrong, but do u ever spend one minute , one minute, to think should i scold them? should i express my feeling out, tell them that im angrying?
or one more minute to think , have i done somethings wrong? should i forgive them and treat it as nth?
may be sometimes ,there will be against ur principle, but at the particular time, do u think it is more important than us ? friends?
same on me, i do have arguments with my friends..but i will choose to forget or find out the reason instead of angry..
it may be my fault, his/her fault or both. but sometimes, he or she wrong edi, but i will try my best to forgive them and cheer up again. i will jz remember to make my friends be happy always..i m not a great man but tis is my principle of friends.
Friends should not bring the angers or the arguments to the next day except happiness.
happiness and grievance should share with friends. great time enjoy together, hard time work together. this is the rule of the game of friends, unless u dun want to join it if not, u suppose to folo.
you may have ur characteristic,principle and oso the willingness to see wat the heck i writing
and of cz, the choice is with u, u can choose to listen wat i wrote or nt...
just want to emphasize, if someone not care about u, they will not waste their time to angry u. because as u say " it is meaningless to do tat"
same, if someone who doesnt concern about u, they will nt crap for so much, and for sure, will not write something oppose u. ya, he is me.
sorry again...may be the tone in wat i write gt a bit weird, is sound like teaching u, but it is jz very simple without any offense, even myself oso the one who always creates problems and does wrong. In fact, i jz dun wan u to idealize urself to the one of u in the pass. it is a pass, wat u need to concern is the present and future. Appreciate wat u have now and be optimistic often. Try to think positively instead of negative.
U have done a great job ..but it is still long way to go..
if u feel it is long, u can jz delete it. sorry again for the crapss.
from ur stupid friend.
Sorry Ian,I din read ur blog for some time ago...Previously u said I'm the 1 who caring u and the 1 who asking u wad was happened.Now, do u still think like that? I think no le ba!
I dunno what had happened among us or ur "kampar family", I just wish my fren, IAN NEVER DIE!!! U're the 1 alwiz think for others, U're caring but dunno how 2 express...
Any1 oso socialable, just depend on u either want to do it or not. U did well when stay with us, u can oso do the same for the future, I believe on u.
Who said we are "not FAMILY"? Please ask the person stand out please. I'm sure whack 9 him/ her 99. Even not enough fight oso will help ar. We are not friend but we are family... This phrase I always remember in my mind.
Nobody will be left out, just may be we will seldom contact with each other. Don't think crap, I promise at here, will stick with ur blog today onwards.
I dunno what had happened but I'm willing to hear you, if u free 2 give me a call, cz my hp credits dried ad. Hehe, I past through to comfort you and update myself about ur kampar life...
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