The Dream Within

Had A Real Wierd Dream These Few Days That Really Got Me Thinking Random Stuff About Life. Life. Living Life, Study Life, Work Life, Gaming Life, Family Life, Love Life, Afterlife. What Did I Miss? Oh Well...

The Latest Was Like The '2nd Episode Of The Installment' Thingy, Where Like The First, I Find Myself In A Cave-Like Prison, Much Like The One Son Goku Of Kazuya Minekura's Saiyuki Series Was In. Staring Into The Permanently Setting Sun, Giving Up All Hopes Of Escape, I Wonder To Myself: What If This Is What's Deep Within My Unconscious Mind? What If In Reality I'm Just Like In The Dream, Trapped In Some Cage Or Prison Of Sorts, Waiting For Eternity For Someone To Come By And Free Me From This Hell That Is Nothingness, Where Everything Is Constant, Never Changing And Permanent? What Would be Beyond This Confinement? Change? Age? Death That Will End This Permanence That Is Pain And Loneliness? But More Importantly, Will This Someone Ever Come? Or Will My Mind And Soul Die Off Due To Inactivity While The Physical Body Continues To Stare At The Golden Orb In The Sky? Or Will My Heart Burst And Erupt In Anticipation, Driving Me To Punish My Physical Self More Until It Breaks? Or Will It Erupt In Despair Instead, Knowing That What It Desires Is Not What The Mind Seeks?

Many Times When These Thoughts Come To Mind, I Don't Feel Like Destroying All That's Around Me. Rather, I Feel Like Destroying Myself, For Desiring Something That Can Never Be Mine. The Perfect Life, The Best Of Academic Success, Committing Myself To A Mundane And Repetitious Routine To Support Myself While Enjoying, The Dream Of Bringing The Gaming Industry Into A Level Where The Malaysian Government Can Take It Seriously, A Hate-Free Relationship With Family - Biological Or Otherwise, And, Probably Most Important Of All; Hot, Passionate Love That I Can Be Sure It's No Mere Infatuation Or Lust.

Hell... When I See People Enjoying Any Of The Above, I Don't Feel Like Killing Them Out Of Envy Or Jealousy And Such. I Feel Like Killing Myself Out Of Self-Pity; For Desiring Something I Know I Can Never Have.

*Sigh*... It's Been Quite Some Time That I've Been Emo To This Extreme. Perhaps I Revealed Too Much. But No Matter. To People Who Know Me Well, They'd Understand. To Those Who Don't Know Me That Well Yet, Well, There's Something More About Me. To People Who Don't Know Me, Well... It Won't Matter To You Right? Since You Don't Know Me You'd Probably Forget You Ever Read This...

*Sigh*... No Doubt Watching Chobits Had Some Relation To These Thoughts And Dreams, Or So I Believe. And Speaking Of Which, Chobits Is Close To The Best 'Ear Candy' For Me, As 2 Of My Favourite Seiyuus Are In It: Inoue Kikuko And Tanaka Rie.

Adieu To Y'all. Until I Discover What Meaning Do These Dreams Imply In This Life Of Mine.