Talk Of The Heart

It Just Occurred To Me That Humans Can Be Such Bizarre Creatures. Something As Beautiful As Friendship Can Be Utterly Annihilated By Something As Simple As Mood Swings.

And True Enough, Such Moods Cloud Their Judgments And Make Idiots Out Of Themselves. I Must Admit, I Have Been Such An Idiot, But Never To The Extent To Allow It To Break Off My Friendship. So All I Can Offer Is My Condolences, If It Even Means Anything, Considering The Situation You're In. I'm Sorry.

And How Hideously Contagious Such Moods Can Be. Indeed, Such Incidents Would Question Charles Darwin's Theory That Every Thing Passed Down Through Evolution Is Beneficial For Mankind.

Speaking Of Darwin, There's This Thing Going Around That His Theory Has Been Scientifically Disproved. I Did My Own Surfing And, Indeed, Saw Evidence That Does Disprove It, But Also Found Evidence That Brushes Those So-Called Evidence Aside As 'Arguments Of Ignorance' And The Like By Putting Forth More Evidence That Supports Evolution And Points Out How The Disprover Failed To Link Their Evidence With The Theory Itself. Awesome Stuff, But In The End It's Just The Squabble Of Humans That May Have Little Or No Impact In My Life.

Adieu To Y'all. That's One Food For Thought Though.

Earth Hour Of 2012

This Year's Earth Hour Has Been A Hilarious One For Me. The Irony Of It Is Simply Priceless.

Firstly, What I Saw Was A Vast Majority Of The West Lake Population Camping By The Lake While The Rest Were Either Squatting Outside Their Homes, Had Candlelight Gatherings At Basketball Courts Or Cycling Around Aimlessly In Groups.

What Was Ironic Was That The People At The Lake Turned Off Their Lights And Cramped Themselves Near Streetlights And The Candlelight People Were Turning Off Lights But BURNING Candles. Defeats The Purpose, No? Using A More Energy Inefficient Source Of Light That Releases More Heat In The Name Of What, Cooling The Earth They Say?

That's Not Where It Ends. Things Just Got Spiced Up With The 'News' That TNB Is Gonna Sue WWF For Organizing Earth Hour For Making Them Lose Revenue. Joke Of The Month I Say. Of Course It Isn't True, People. But Let's Laugh At All The Things That Tickled Our Funnybone Today In The Name Of Earth Hour.

And Yes, I'm Home Alone For The First Time In Kampar And I Must Say, Like Previous Experiences It Is Really No Fun At All.

Adieu To Y'all. Something Isn't Right About The Inactivity Though...

P.S.: Sometimes I Wonder If People Even Understand What The Hell They Are Doing. Or Rather, If They Understand The Reason Of What The Hell They Are Doing. In This Case, If They Understand What Earth Hour Is Trying To Achieve Before Participating.

Life Is... Well, Life!

The Weather Is Fickle That's One Thing. For 2 Weeks In A Row The Bloody Rain Has To Come Pouring Down When I'm Cycling Back Home. Never Earlier, Never Later. The Water Tank's Busted, Which Means I Have To Turn On The Tap And Wait For About 3 Songs Before Water Starts Flowing. Explains Why I've Been Later For Class. Thankfully It's Fixed Now.

But Seriously Though. Life's Beginning To Suck More Than Ever. Finally Got My Hair Cut, But Damn Should I Have Gotten It Earlier. Planned To Go Back Home This Weekend But What The Hell; Mom's In Taiwan And Father's Back At Padang Rengas Cleaning The Graves Of His Late Parents. And One Last Assignment To Finish.

The Result Of All These? Sucks To Be Me. And Before Anyone Has Any Smart Comments To Offer, Well, Just Keep It To Yourselves, You'll End Up Hurting Me, Which Will End With Me Hurting You.

Lack Of Updates Lately Not Because I'm Lazy; I Downright Don't Feel Like Even Doing Anything. Even Looking Into The Monitor Is Tiring.

And Yes. Conditioning. THANK YOU BLOODY ARSES FOR DOING THIS TO ME! Shit. Nowadays I Find Myself Concentrating On Stuff That I Shouldn't, Feel Left Out When I Have All The Company Around Me, Burn Down With The Heat Of Competition When There's None, Feel Like An Arse When I've Got Nothing To Say, And Well To Put It Simple, I'm Being Depressed For All The Wrong Reasons. And That's Really Saying Something, Especially The Last Point There, Because We All Know That I'm Actually Not being Myself If I've Got Too Much To Say. So What? Now I Feel Like An Arse For Being Myself!?

For Some Reason My Life Is Just Too Rich With These Kinds Of History. Not All Happened To Me, But I've Seen Enough To Fear It When It Does.

And Thanks To That Once Again In This Miserable Life Of Mine I Feel Like Power-Drilling My Own Heart Out, Just To See If It's Red In Colour.

But Hey, Doesn't Everyone Tell Me To Look At The Bright Side? To See That Even In Infinite Darkness There Are Still Little White Twinkling Dots That Is Just Not Enough To Be Meaningful. Which Are:

Benjamin Metaphorically Comparing Deborah's Camera To A Lachesis Used For Spider Solitaire, And I Just Have To Spice It Up By Saying It's Plugged To A Netbook.

Deborah Herself Using Lines From The Annoying Orange.

Some Back Side Gossiping That Really Makes Me Wonder When Will It Be My Turn To Fall Into The Depths Of Hell Like Some Others.

Oh Well, I Guess That Sums Up All That's Happened Since The Last Time. And Until The Next, Adieu To Y'all.

A Bad Trait

I Notice I Tend To Be A Very Obnoxious Person When I Voice Out My Opinion. Time And Time Again It Has Been Proven True And Sadly It Has Once Again. Gotta Change This Soon. Maybe I Should Get Myself Hypnotized.

Heated Discussion Is So Enjoyable When You Have People That Are Actually Discussing Things Instead Of Insisting. Involved In One Right Now And Damn Does It Actually Feel Fun. Most Importantly, NO DEGRADING AND NAME CALLING! And This Time I Feel Like I'm The One Splashing Cold Water. Like, WTF!

Which Leaves Me To Wonder; Is The Effect Of Keeping Your Identity 'Hidden' The Same When You Wear Sunglasses As When You Wear A Masquerade? Interestingly Rare Quandary. For Me At Least. One Worthy Of The Sacrifice Of My Sleep, It Seems, For I'm Still Awaiting The Answer Amidst The Discussion, And It's 2a.m. Now And I Have Class At 9.30.

Oh Well, Adieu To Y'all.

Again, Freezing In The Heat.

I Don't Know If It's Just Me, As It Usually Is, But Though On One Side The Atmosphere Is Warm As Usual, On Another It's beyond Freezing Cold. So If It Was Something I've Said Or Done That Has Caused This, I Apologize, Though This Is Another Time In Life When I Myself Don't Know What I'm Apologizing For.

For One, Sorry For My Obnoxiousness. I Realize That I've Been A Real Loathsome Person To Be With, And Would Have Undoubtedly Caused Distress Among Some.

Another Thing Is That I Realize That I'm Really Very Vulnerable To Conditioning. And The Most Painful Kind Seems To Always Haunt Me. Now, At This Stage Of life Once Again I Am Subjected To One Such Conditioning, Which I'm Really Unsure How The Outcome Would Be. And Past Experiences Has Told Me That I Should Not Expect Anything Anymore And Just Let Whatever May Be, Be. And So I Shall.

Sigh. Repetitions That Begin As False Statements That End Up Being True Has Left Me In Despair. Oh Well... Such Is Life. 絶望した。でもしかたないね？そんな人生。。。

Adieu To Y'all. And Now That They Have Conditioned Me To Be So, I'm Slowly Being Broken Apart By Having What I'm Conditioned To Slowly Drifting Away From Me...

Solitude Is Bliss

Or So Says The Theory Of Introverted People. Well, Can't Say I Feel Happy Being Alone, But At Least I Know I'm Safe From The Risks Of Sorrow Or Frustration That Company Brings. Though Company May Also Bring Happiness. So It's A Give Or Take Kind Of Thing.

Repeating What I Said This Morning During Our Mamak Session:

"If You Say You've Got No Problems, How Will I Ever Dare Say I Have Any? If You Do Have Problems, Mine Is Miniature In Comparison So It's Not Really Worth Mentioning."

Not That I Intentionally Wish To Avoid Commenting. And Not That I Have No Problems Of My Own. Seriously Though, Considering That I've Been Given The Impression It's Something That I'm Not Supposed To Know Of. The Fact That I Do, I Apologize. Sincerely. And If I Do Voice Out My Opinion, I'll Just End Up Smacking My Own Face With "What Do I Know?" Because It's Like Me Knowing About Food, But Knowing The Ingredients. And If I Do Voice Out My Own Problems, It'll Just End Hanging Because Halfway I'll Realize That Me Saying Something Trivial Has Pushed Someone Further Into Despair. Both Which I Feel I Should Avoid, Since They'd Probably Hurt Feelings, Or Worse, Injure The Friendship.

So To Sum It Up, I Guess It Will Have To Suffice For Me To Say Good Luck And All The Best In Your Endeavour. It Is Something That I'll Probably Never Understand, But what The Heck. Got Me Wondering How Can The Grass Be Greener On Your Side Now.

Adieu To Y'all. The Say It's The Spice Of Life.

Aggressive Versatility

With The CNY Heat Dying Down, It Is Finally Comfortably Cool To Be Doing Everyday Activities. And Strangely I Find Myself Waking Up In The Middle Of The Night, Sometimes Due To The Cold, Other Times For No Apparent Reason, Even When I Took No Afternoon Naps.

Nothing Much Happened Worth Noting Anymore Except For The 'Fact' That The Word 'Fuck' Is One Of The Most Versatile Word Ever, To Have Fun With.

I'm Starting To Find The Word 'Chess' A Really Annoying One. A Fact To Clarify Guys; I Don't Walk The Talk When It Comes To Chess. So Don't Go Challenging Me To Chess Games After Listening To What Dr. Lee Said; You'll Find Me A Very Boring Opponent.

The England Open Seems To Be The Thing Going On Now, But All I Know Is That A Malaysian Player Made It To The Singles Finals. Me, I'm Regressing To Pokemon Emerald. (Mom, Seriously, The PS3 Will Really Help Me Progress.)

Adieu To Y'all. Even The Atmosphere's Gotten Much Colder.

After All That Is Said And Done...

It Remains To Be Seen What Kind Of Compromise Is Worthy Of The Chequered Flag. I Find Myself Talking To A Mirror In The Bathroom And I Keep Hearing The Echoes Of Words Uttered By Me Being Thrown Right Back At Me And Deep Down Inside I Know That No One Wants To Give Away The Last Laugh.

Yes, I Know, I Contradict Myself. And So Does My Reflection And Echo.

And Since I've Achieved My Goal Anyway, Before Things Go Any Further Than It Has(Somehow It's Gone All The Way To America Or Something), Here's The White Towel, Before I Deteriorate Myself Further For The Sake Of Having The Last Word Against Echoes. Or Tripping Over My Own Claymore And Get My Groin Shredded.

Talk About Having 2 Doppelgängers And Surviving For A Year And Counting After Meeting One.

Adieu To Y'all. And For The Record, Defence Mechanisms And さよなら絶望先生 PWNS!!! GGFTW!!!

P.S.: Is It Just Me Or Do Opinion And Perception Mean The Same Thing?

Retardation Of Perception

Ah Yes. I Now Have Another Probable Theory To Prove For My Final Year Thesis: That Perception Is Like Religion; Disagree Openly And People Call You A Heretic/Retard. Great Sigmund Freud Sure Came Up With A Damn Good Theory When He Thought Of Defence Mechanisms.

No Doubt Psychology Is Easily Misunderstood, But Never Attacked Save By Me, The Sole Retard (My Apologies To All Innocent People With Small Time Misunderstandings For Dragging Y'all Into This).

First Off:
They Say (Or Rather, Insist) That Psychology Doesn't Teach Lies In The Name Of Mental Well-Being, So Fine, They Don't; They Just Ignore The Terrible Truth And Embrace The Beautiful One. So What Is Calling Depressive Thoughts 'Cognitive Distortion' And Changing Them Into Less Depressing Thoughts? Truth Isn't About Being Optimistic Or Pessimistic; It's About being Realistic, To See Things As A Whole, For What They Are. Point Being, Ignore One Side Of The Truth And It's As Good As Ignoring The Whole Truth, Which Is As Bad As Lying. So What? If Someone's Entire Family Just Got Massacred And He Thinks "How Am I Going To Live On From Now?" And Someone Else Just Throws "That's A Cognitive Distortion You Got There" Into His Face? Whatever Happened To Empathy? *Plays 'Spokesman' By 'Goldfinger'*

Secondly, A Note Of Clarification:
Yes, Psychology NEVER DENIES A Problem. It's About Denying The Dark Side Of A Problem, That It's Gonna Impair Life, And Then Focusing On The Bright Side That Is To Solve It. And These Two -Denying The Problem AND Denying The Dark Side Of A Problem- Are NOT The Same! Not Even Similar! And People Just HAVE To Project Their Misunderstanding Onto Other People And Claim That They're Setting The Facts Straight. So What? People With A Cognitive Distortion Comes Seeking Your Counseling And You Call Them A Retard With A Skewed Perspective And Set The Facts Straight In Their Face!? Clearly That Lacks Some Unconditional Positive Regard, No?

Ah, Once Again This Victorless Battlefield Has Left Me in Despair.

I'm No Freudian, But I Highly Regard His Theory On Defence Mechanisms So Please, People. Don't Be A Zealot And Go Projecting Your Own Lack Of Openness Onto Others Like How Great Freud Himself Did.

Adieu To Y'all. Fan The Flames If You Must, For This Is A Battle Of No Winners.

Opinionated And Moronic Me

I Just Realized How Much I Regard Opinion Like Religion, In A Sense. So When Stuff Like That Happens, I Guess We'll Just Have To Agree To Disagree On That Point.

Also Reminded Me Of How Some Of My Lecturers Told Me That The 'Seeing Is Believing' Concept Is So Old Fashioned And How We Should Be Open Minded. Yeah, Right. I'd Still Prefer To Take Everything With A Pinch Of Salt Until I'm Presented With Undeniable Proof, And Not Just Vague Evidence, Because, Again, Evidence Is Easy; You're Surrounded By Them. Proof, Now That's Hard.

And I Must Say I Feel Rather Offended That An Opinion Of Mine That Came From First-Hand Experience Was Regarded As Merely Based On Air. Oh Well, Such Is The Luck Of A Pessimist; To See Things From The Dark Side And Be Regarded As One Who Falls For Unkind Gossip. Well, What Can I Say? そんな人生.

Perhaps I Really Should Just Turn A Blind Eye And Ignore The Dark Side Of Things And Look Solely On The Brighter Side Of Things? And Lose Myself In The Process Of Course. Argh. The Regret In Taking Psychology Grows Ever Greater.

Oh Well. Adieu To Y'all. This Just Confirms That My Mental State Shall Never Be Considered Healthy Enough For A Counselor.

P.S.: Oh Sh*T! I Just Dragged Myself Into An Victorless Battlefield!
絶望した！両方負けの戦いに絶望した！

Pronunciations Galore

It Just Got To Me During Tutorial This Morning That There Are Many Ways People Pronounce The Word 'Love' Or Rather, The Phrase 'I Love You', Either As Their Perceived Proper Pronunciation Or Jokingly As A Pun. So I'm Gonna Put Them Down Here So That Y'all Will Laugh Your Brains Out While I Crack My Own To Finish Up A Crabby Assignment Of Mine.

• I Love You (The Proper One)
• I 'Lap' You ('Lap' Means 'Wipe' In Malay, So = I Wipe You)
• I 'Larv' You (What, Love Among Insects To Produce Larvae?)
• I 'Lof' You (Lof? A Loaf Of Bread?)

And The Most Recent And Most Hilarious That I've Heard Of

• I Laugh You (LOL I Laugh At You, The One Who Pronounces It This Way)
  

Well, That's All Folks. Until Next Time, Adieu To Y'all.