A Breath... Underwater

Nope, No Shit Happened Today; Just An Opportunity To Catch A Breather Before Being Worked To The Last Drop Of Juice Again. Browsed Through My Usual List Of Blogs And What I Saw Really Strengthened My Desire To Be A Professional Writer. That's Right, My Goal Is to Rot At Home Writing What Some Would Call Rubbish And Let That 'Rubbish' Earn Me A Living In 5 Years' Time.

Something Else I Realized Recently Is That Human Relations Are More Complicated Than Human Emotions. One Such Case Is How Respect And Admiration Is Rarely Reciprocal And Of Course I Mean When People Know Each Other. This Applies To Me Quite Greatly, And Still Hurts Quite Bad. Told Myself I'd Let It Go Long Ago, But I Still Can't Seem To Do So Yet. Yeah, Call Me A Person Who's Got Nothing Better To Do During Spare Time But Hey, I Can't Help It, There's Too Much That's Bothering Me And Solutions To Them Keep Leading To Other Things.

Speaking Of Letting Go, Let Me Share With You Guys One Of The 4 Calamities Of 2007. The 4th, In Fact.

It Was Just A Week Before SPM When My Caretaker Hung Herself. She, Who Was Pretty Much My Godmother(Save The Religious Part) Who Lacks My Dad's Approval, Together With Her Husband, Was Pretty Much Responsible For 40% Of What I Am Today, With The Other 40% Credited To My Biological Parents And 20% To Other People I Met In Life. No Doubt Her Death Was A Great Blow To Me As It Was A Loss To Her Family, And Perhaps Even Had A Direct Impact On My SPM Performance.

This Tragedy Undoubtedly Preceded Many Other Events In My Life. One Of Them Is Me Finally Understanding The Sorrow Of Others During A Funeral. Hers Was The First To Make My Tears Flow, The First To Make Me Understand The Actual Pain Of Losing A Loved One. Cries During Funerals To Me Was A Sign Of One's Inability To Accept What Has Transpired. That Changed During Godmom's Funeral.

It Was Only After The Incident Did We Realize That She Was Suffering From Severe Depression. She Wasn't Exactly Healthy, Suffering From High Blood Pressure And Recurring Gastric Problems. To Add To That, She Was Always Paranoid About Their Financial Well-Being; They Sell Curry Puffs For A Living And Prices Of Ingredients Have Been Fluctuating Wildly Then. And Having Really Typical Busybody Aunties That Spread False Rumours Didn't Really Help Her In Any Way. It Could Have, In Fact, Drove Her Fear To It's Limit, Pushing Her To Choose What She Chose To Do. At Least, Was What Goddad And I Concluded.

Goddad Was Soon Diagnosed With Depression As Well, But Fortunately He's Coping With The Drastic Changes In Life Pretty Well. Then Recently The Passing Of A Quite Famous Taoist Monk Was Publicized In The Local Chinese Papers Which Included His 8 Words Of Wisdom, Which Goddad Remembered Very Well. They Roughly Translate As " Face It, Accept It, Handle It, Leave It", And Supposedly Goddad Is Struggling With The Last Part; Letting Things Go. Seems That I Share The Same Problem, Though Regarding An Entirely Different Matter.

And Maybe Something Good Is Happening To Him For A Change; Both His Daughters Are Getting Married; The Eldest On 6th June And The Youngest In January 2010. Grats And All The Best Wishes To Him And His Family. And That Dinner With Him The Other Night Reminded Me Of The Original Reason I Was Interested In Human Psychology. Hope To Remain In Touch.

Well, That's A Very Huge Chunk Of My Life Revealed. So People New In My Life, If You Find Me Strange, Know You Know One Of The Reasons Why. To Old Friends Wondering Why I Changed So Much, Well, Now You Know.

Adieu To Y'all. Maybe I'd Reveal The Other 3 Next Time...