Accepting An Immortal's Death

Somewhat Got Over The Fact That Desired Company Is Never Always Yours.

The Incident Today No Doubt Stressed Me To No End. Hell, Merely Thinking Of It Now Makes Me Wanna Tear My Own Heart Out, Condense It With Rat Poison And Shove It Down The Throat Of The One Responsible. But Then Again, Who Am I To Complain? There Are People Who Go Through Worse, For Longer. A Good Friend At That.

What Happened Today Really Made Me Think If I Can Ever Survive In The Outside World. Regardless Of How Much I Thought I have Changed, In The End I'm Still The Same Wolf That Sticks To Its Pack, Although There Have Been Multiple Different Packs That This 'Lone' Wolf Has Called Family.

Being A Part Of UTAR Kampar PY T2 May 2009 Made Me Feel Like I Was Being In Another Small Community. Sure, The Lecture Classes Are Made Up Of 5 Tutorial Groups, But Somehow Or Rather, I Feel That I Can Never Be A Part Of The Large Society And Always Stuck Within The Small Community. Now That 'Fate' Will Have Us Separated, It Got Me Wondering How Am I To Cope With Life Next Sem, Where Of The Family Of 26, Supposedly Only 6 Or 7 Will Be In The Tutorial Group I Was Innocently Led Into.

The Whole Day Was Wasted Ghost Hunting (Today Was The 14th Day Of The Lunar Calendar's 7th Moon, Supposedly The Most Ominous Day Of Every Lunar Year) And Thinking About How To Survive The Next 3 Months, Not Forgetting How To Reunite This Family. It Never Occurred To Me That There May Be Some That Wished For Change, That Some Are Scum That Should Leave The Family And Some Other Nobler Ones Should Take Their Place. I Won't Deny It; I'm One Such Individual, But This Arrangement Is totally Not What I Had In Mind.

Finally I Thought, If I Could Call The Initial 26 People Family, Why Can't I Do The Same For The New 30? I've Done It In Every Freaking, Miserable Year That Has Education Play A Major Role In It, Including Foundation, So Why Can't I Do It Now? Could It Be That I, Myself, Believe In Fate? Could It Be That I Believe The 26 Of Us Were Fated to Be Together? Could It Be That I Do Not Want To Know More People, To Not Have Any More In My Circle Of Acquaintances Than Necessary? Possibly True, For After All, How Many Of Them Actually Made A Difference In My Life? The Number Was Great In Foundation, And Is Not Very Much Less Here. But Could It Be That The Initial Few Matter And The Rest Do Not? But Then Again, What Difference Does It Make, Ultimately? Why Is It Still So Hard To Part With The People Whose Bond With Them You're Not Even Certain Yet? What's The Fear Of Meeting New People Besides Getting Hurt Unnecessarily, Which Both Are Also Inevitable?

Damn, The Childish Infatuation And Lust Should've Been Long Gone History Already. I'm 18 for The Devil's Sake, A Young Adult In This World Of Mortals! Even My Teenage Years Are Drawing To A Close! How Can I Still Have Desires, Emotions And Behaviours Of An Immature Weakling!?

In The End I'm Glad I'm Reminded That I Have A Friend That's In A Situation Worse Than Mine, And That Tells Me I Should Accept Things For What They Will Be. And Here I Am Claiming To Be Empathetic Towards Her And Yet I'm Ranting On And On About Something So Trivial. Sorry Le-Anne, But I Guess I Truly Understand Now How Your Life Has Been In UNITAR All This While.

And So This Issue Has Come To A Temporary Close. Yes, Just Temporary. I'm Not Giving Up Going Against Accursed 'Fate' Just Yet.

Adieu To Y'all. With The Close Of This Chapter Marks My True Understanding Of Empathy.