So I’ve watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles twice now, the second time unplanned with a bunch of friends. I must say, while it’s not great, it doesn’t quite deserve the flak it gets just because Michael Bay is one of the producers. In fact, compared to all the Transformers movies beyond the first, TMNT is acceptably good. And Shredder actually looks good. Not as good as in the comics and the old TV series cartoons, but at least you get the impression that the people who made the movie knew what they were doing. Unlike the idiots who pissed, spat and shat on the Silver Samurai in the most recent Wolverine movie. And to a lesser extent, Deadpool in X-men Origins: Wolverine.
All that said, TMNT was mediocre, not great, and here’s why. First off, this movie slightly gives the impression of being April O’Neil feat. TMNT rather than TMNT, but it’s not as badly done as Godzilla. Second, Megan Fox who plays April is like Kirsten Stewart Mk. II; you can see more emotion in Shredder’s face than in hers, and that’s saying something, considering you can’t actually see Shredder’s face since his face is always either shrouded in shadow or behind his mengu (mask / face armour).
And since I mentioned Shredder, Shredder’s Japanese is pretty poor, especially considering the fact that he was played by a Japanese Canadian dude. While I’m in no position to criticise grammar or anything of the like, his speech sounds so blocky and awkward, much like Bryan Cranston’s Joseph Brody in Godzilla. In fact, Ken Watanabe speaks more fluent English than Tohoru Masamune – who plays Shredder – speaks Japanese. Not sure if this is true in real life, but as far as the movie is concerned, this is fact. In fact, I would go as far as to say that he speaks English far more fluently than he speaks Japanese, at least in the movie.
And now for spoilers. Early in the movie, April sees a group of vigilantes stopping a Foot Clan robbery. She is later caught and, along with other hostages, were used to threaten the vigilantes to give themselves up. Instead, they show up and save the hostages, but vanish right after. April trails them and manages to snap a photo of the vigilantes, who – surprise, surprise – turn out to be the ninja turtles. They catch her and wipe her phone, but just as they leave she snaps another photo. Then for whatever reason, she fails to produce this photo to convince her boss that this is worthy news material, instead showing her a lot of other nonsense which will obviously seem irrelevant to the person she is trying to convince. She gets fired for being the idiot that she is, but when she goes to talk to Eric Sacks about them, she shows the very photo that could have not only prevented her from losing her job, but also get promoted and freed her from covering fluff that she despises so much. Again I iterate that a movie will never be great if dishonesty and/or stupidity is/are essential to a movie’s plot, and this is one such example. If she wasn’t being deliberately stupid, the plot of the movie will be severely compromised.
Next in the spoilers’ segment we have the blatant disregard of logic, even in a fictitious universe. Three of the turtles are captured by Shredder and Raphael attempts so save them. April injects enough adrenaline to the three captive turtles to the verge of overdose. They then break out, and the four of them proceed to hunt down Shredder. Nothing wrong so far. Soon after they break out, they were shot at by some Foot clan henchmen. Some bullets gets lodged in the shell of the turtles. Then Raphael, the only turtle to not get a near-overdose of adrenaline, goes into a fit of rage, shooting the bullets lodged in his shell out like the shell was some soft tissue. So yes, the question now is why is it so difficult to not let shells behave like an inflatable, or if it absolutely has to be in the movie, at least let that stunt be pulled off by one of the three turtles that actually got the adrenaline overdose? Never mind that Raphael’s shades never fall off his head, even when he is used as catapult projectile.
So that’s TMNT for you. Not as bad as people make it out to be, but it sure as hell won’t blow you away. So it’s quite surprising why it seems to be doing better than Guardians of the Galaxy. I say this simply because, Guardians of the Galaxy is awesome. Like, almost The Lego Movie level of awesome. As far as I’m concerned, there are only two problems with the movie, one of which is Groot. If you can just replant him after he dies, why bother making his self-sacrifice such an emotional experience? I mean yes, that was a very noble act and especially so considering he is the supposed last of his kind, which we all feel for, but when I see a mini Groot in a pot, I feel cheated of my emotions. It’s like feeling pity for a rich person instead of a homeless person when the rich person’s car broke down or something. The second problem is the lack of Richard Rider of the Nova Corps. I mean, you have the Nova Corps, you have Nova Prime, but no Nova? Come on, now.
That said, seeing as Disney does a better job at respecting Marvel than 20th Century Fox (Disney does own Marvel, after all), hopefully the X-men franchise will one day land in Disney’s hands so that we can see a proper Silver Samurai and/or Deadpool in the future. Then again, if stopping 10th Century Fox from shitting on X-men means no more Hugh Jackman as Wolverine or Sir Patrick Stewart as Charles Xavier, then I’m not so sure I actually want that anymore.
And on that bombshell, adieu to y’all.
Friday, August 15, 2014
Monday, August 4, 2014
Gundam Warrior Reborn
Is the reason you see a two-month gap. And I refuse to call it Dynasty Warrior Gundam Reborn because that’s how you wrongly translate the name. Granted, Reborn is also translated wrongly, but since 無双 means warrior, and there is no ‘Dynasty’ in 真・ガンダム無双, I would just call it the way I do, regretting that Tecmo Koei failed on the magnificent wordplay on ‘Shin’, which could also mean ‘new’, hence Reborn.
And the fact that I’ve forgotten some of the movies I’ve watched over the months. A few memorable ones remain in my memory banks, but I have nothing much to say about them anyway.
We start with How to Train Your Dragon 2. It’s good, with an acceptable story, relatively strong finale, but I can’t bring myself to like it for two reasons: first, which is a reason shared with the first movie, is that because I was introduced to Monster Hunter before this, I can’t help but think that the dragons, including the giant in the first and the alphas in the second, were weaker than the weakest Wyverns of the MonHun universe. I especially can’t help but see Toothless as a tamer version of the Nargacuga. The second reason is because Toothless blatantly rips off Godzilla. How? By glowing spines that start from the tail, which leads to more powerful fire breaths.
Then there’s Maleficent. Which is nice, but much less than what I expected. The famed most powerful villain of the Disney world was so…soft, to say the least. In fact, her one act of cruelty was the curse on Aurora. The rest of the movie was showing how she is completely doubtful of the whole thing, her kindness to the one she cursed, and, in my mind, her not killing her crow sidekick for talking back to her the way he did. Then there’s the sentient pair of wings. The last thing that I found to be so disturbing was PlatinumSukamon, so that’s saying something.
For comedy we have A Million Ways to Die in the West. Screw all the naysayers because this is one of the best comedies of the decade for now. One that spits in the face of political correctness and historical accuracy to bring a movie that will make you laugh out loud in the cinema like a mental case, while making you cringe with its comedic cheesiness. Mind you, cheesy stuff are always cringe-worthy, and cringe-worthy things are rarely good, but when it is this funny, it makes it into the list of exceptions. A lot of modern day gag references, a lot of historical gags, and quite appropriately, a cheesy happy ending to make sure you stay laughing like a maniac when you leave.
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes was good if you watched Rise. If you didn’t, it’s still good, though viewers might be confused with the intelligent apes, the society and why Caesar was leader and why Koba was such a piece of shit. Though as someone who was watched Rise, I would have imagined that they could speak coherently by now instead of still using sign language primarily, and grunting a word or two of English. And that grim ending. I understand why people are saying this is going to be a trilogy with the last movie being a Planet of the Apes reboot.
Of course, there’s the new Transformers movie. And I must say, for the first time ever, I nearly fell asleep while watching a movie in a cinema. During an action sequence no less. That, I think, is enough said about how bad this one was.
There’s the new Hercules movie starring Dwayne Johnson, which is great, especially when compared to last year’s gutter fillings with the same name. Although, like most Hercules movies, this is another missed opportunity. I maintain that no Hercules movie will ever be better than one which tells the story of the 12 Labours. That said, this interpretation of the legend is a very good one. Not the first with this approach, but does not disappoint. This Hercules is a mortal. He isn’t the son of Zeus, and his 12 Labours were not as impossible as legend had described them. And I believe this movie has the best message cum moral ever: Legends are interpretations of fact with insufficient information. Take the hydra. For every head cut off, two takes its place. But this is because the hydra is in fact tribesmen/assassins who operate in the lake of an extremely foggy forest. People report seeing multi-headed serpents because all they saw in the fog was the monster mask/helmet they wore, and without seeing the body, people imagined them to be whatever their imagination sees fit. And with that, spreads legends. And lies. Centaurs were merely the silhouettes of people on horseback but no one saw the head of the horse because of the angle of which they were seen; they were up hills, in between the glaring sun and the poor blinded witness. As such, this movie tells us to verify to the best of our extents whatever rumours we hear before believing them. Also, with the appropriate legend a.k.a. lie, it can boost ally morale while breaking enemy morale. And lastly, tell a lie often enough and you may actually believe it yourself. As mentioned, this Hercules is a mortal. Extremely strong, but still a mortal. During the final act of the story, in a situation dire enough, an ally convinces him that he is, in fact a hero and the son of Zeus, which boosts his morale to the extent of amplifying this already impressive strength to superhuman levels. TL;DR, lies are powerful tools, which can be used and misused like any other.
Since I’ve mentioned Maleficent, I’m inclined to admit something this movie and Oculus has made me realize. I realize that I found the young Aurora, as well as young Kaylie Russell, to be more attractive than their adult counterparts. These two movies have since then left me casting doubt about myself and I end up suspecting that I might in fact be a pedophile.
And on that bombshell, adieu to y’all.
And the fact that I’ve forgotten some of the movies I’ve watched over the months. A few memorable ones remain in my memory banks, but I have nothing much to say about them anyway.
We start with How to Train Your Dragon 2. It’s good, with an acceptable story, relatively strong finale, but I can’t bring myself to like it for two reasons: first, which is a reason shared with the first movie, is that because I was introduced to Monster Hunter before this, I can’t help but think that the dragons, including the giant in the first and the alphas in the second, were weaker than the weakest Wyverns of the MonHun universe. I especially can’t help but see Toothless as a tamer version of the Nargacuga. The second reason is because Toothless blatantly rips off Godzilla. How? By glowing spines that start from the tail, which leads to more powerful fire breaths.
Then there’s Maleficent. Which is nice, but much less than what I expected. The famed most powerful villain of the Disney world was so…soft, to say the least. In fact, her one act of cruelty was the curse on Aurora. The rest of the movie was showing how she is completely doubtful of the whole thing, her kindness to the one she cursed, and, in my mind, her not killing her crow sidekick for talking back to her the way he did. Then there’s the sentient pair of wings. The last thing that I found to be so disturbing was PlatinumSukamon, so that’s saying something.
For comedy we have A Million Ways to Die in the West. Screw all the naysayers because this is one of the best comedies of the decade for now. One that spits in the face of political correctness and historical accuracy to bring a movie that will make you laugh out loud in the cinema like a mental case, while making you cringe with its comedic cheesiness. Mind you, cheesy stuff are always cringe-worthy, and cringe-worthy things are rarely good, but when it is this funny, it makes it into the list of exceptions. A lot of modern day gag references, a lot of historical gags, and quite appropriately, a cheesy happy ending to make sure you stay laughing like a maniac when you leave.
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes was good if you watched Rise. If you didn’t, it’s still good, though viewers might be confused with the intelligent apes, the society and why Caesar was leader and why Koba was such a piece of shit. Though as someone who was watched Rise, I would have imagined that they could speak coherently by now instead of still using sign language primarily, and grunting a word or two of English. And that grim ending. I understand why people are saying this is going to be a trilogy with the last movie being a Planet of the Apes reboot.
Of course, there’s the new Transformers movie. And I must say, for the first time ever, I nearly fell asleep while watching a movie in a cinema. During an action sequence no less. That, I think, is enough said about how bad this one was.
There’s the new Hercules movie starring Dwayne Johnson, which is great, especially when compared to last year’s gutter fillings with the same name. Although, like most Hercules movies, this is another missed opportunity. I maintain that no Hercules movie will ever be better than one which tells the story of the 12 Labours. That said, this interpretation of the legend is a very good one. Not the first with this approach, but does not disappoint. This Hercules is a mortal. He isn’t the son of Zeus, and his 12 Labours were not as impossible as legend had described them. And I believe this movie has the best message cum moral ever: Legends are interpretations of fact with insufficient information. Take the hydra. For every head cut off, two takes its place. But this is because the hydra is in fact tribesmen/assassins who operate in the lake of an extremely foggy forest. People report seeing multi-headed serpents because all they saw in the fog was the monster mask/helmet they wore, and without seeing the body, people imagined them to be whatever their imagination sees fit. And with that, spreads legends. And lies. Centaurs were merely the silhouettes of people on horseback but no one saw the head of the horse because of the angle of which they were seen; they were up hills, in between the glaring sun and the poor blinded witness. As such, this movie tells us to verify to the best of our extents whatever rumours we hear before believing them. Also, with the appropriate legend a.k.a. lie, it can boost ally morale while breaking enemy morale. And lastly, tell a lie often enough and you may actually believe it yourself. As mentioned, this Hercules is a mortal. Extremely strong, but still a mortal. During the final act of the story, in a situation dire enough, an ally convinces him that he is, in fact a hero and the son of Zeus, which boosts his morale to the extent of amplifying this already impressive strength to superhuman levels. TL;DR, lies are powerful tools, which can be used and misused like any other.
Since I’ve mentioned Maleficent, I’m inclined to admit something this movie and Oculus has made me realize. I realize that I found the young Aurora, as well as young Kaylie Russell, to be more attractive than their adult counterparts. These two movies have since then left me casting doubt about myself and I end up suspecting that I might in fact be a pedophile.
And on that bombshell, adieu to y’all.
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