The Plight of an Objective Person.

The painful moment when an objective person is forever alone because he is unable to accept people for who they are, as he desires others to be the best they can be.

That, in a nutshell, describes my life.

In my mind, to be an objective person, one needs to both be vengeful and hold grudges, while at the same time remembering every virtue of every person around. This is something I consider myself as doing quite well. I don’t remember important stuff, that’s why I get such shitty grades for my exams; nor do I remember insignificant things, since no one does anyway. But things slap bang in the middle of the continuum between significance and insignificance do not escape my memory easily, if ever.

It isn’t a pleasant experience, to say the least, to watch someone berating another for some offence or other, while remembering a time and place when the same person was committing the very crime he/she is now berating another for. It is even more so when someone reprimands another for one thing, and moments later chews another person out for doing the exact opposite of what the first person was criticized for. I’m sure it is definitely far more unpleasant for the transgressors of said inconsistency and hypocrisy to have their own paradoxical behaviour pointed out to them, but that, perhaps, is the point in which I’m trying to get across.

There is a problem with the human psychology: we don’t like to be wrong. This is because it harms our self-esteem. We feel bad about ourselves when we discover that we are not right. The opposite is also true: we like being right; it makes us feel good about ourselves. We also like to correct others as a result, because this makes us feel good about ourselves for two distinct reasons. One being the fact that we’re right; what this means I have already explained. The other is the fact that we are of a more knowledgeable position, thus of greater perceived importance than the one(s) we correct. In effect, this also means that we don’t like to be corrected, because we will feel bad for ourselves because we were wrong and because there is someone more knowledgeable than we are. I think by this point the problem implied by this paragraph should be apparent enough.

Some people can take criticism. That’s fine; it gives them the chance to be right in the future.  Some others strike back with righteous fury. Some go the extra mile and foam at the mouth by going on and on baselessly about how the criticizer is wrong and how the criticized is right for 10 years straight without stopping to sleep, eat, drink or even breathe. Fortunately, more often than not, such people end up dead by the time they’re done, or even when they’re not. Others develop arthritis or carpal tunnel.

People should be aware of two things. First is that we are all learning. And so, when we criticize our fellow learners, we do it rationally, ethically and calmly. Likewise, when we are criticized, we take it rationally, ethically and calmly. This is because we are all aware that at some point in our lives, we were wrong. We have changed our perspective at least once, or at least have looked at things from another, and thus have no right to defend said perspective with righteous fury, simply because it is impossible to discount the possibility that we may come across another that we find more agreeable, which completely invalidates our defending the previous one. The only ones who do are those who live in their closed world where there has never been the possibility of another perspective. These people criticize the view of others and defend theirs to the death simply because, if they were wrong, then their entire life has been a lie. And they can’t take that.

Before anyone points out the subjectivity of the above paragraph, let me continue. Secondly, when you criticize, do so objectively, with facts and a neutral stance, and not with bias or prejudice. While a perspective is definitely subjective, the facts behind them are not. What this means is that while there are certainly things that are wrong, not everything else is perfectly right. Things do not come in two states of right and wrong, but rather, they fall in a continuum; a line in between two extremes. Where we place something within this line is subjective, but we can, and should, do so objectively, with a neutral stance and with facts to back the decision.

All this leads to the point I brought up at the very beginning of this entry. How does an objective person point out mistakes done by people he cares for? Rationally, ethically and calmly, sure, but would it be better to just let the person be? Will the criticized person be able to take it just as rationally, just as ethically and just as calmly? Should he accept people for who they are, and endure the hurt every time he sees them commit paradoxes in his face, or should he point it out and risk hurting the relationship he has with these people?

In a way, for putting all these words in public view, I have forsaken my objectivity. But in the end I still hope that it is a worthy sacrifice, for the benefit of my own psychological wellbeing, and for the growth of all who read this.

And on that bombshell, adieu to y’all. Food for thought for until the next time.