The Face Of a Shining Star

Graceful shadows in a sea of light,
Flowing tears of immense delight,
Up in a kingdom above the clouds,
With endless waves of passionate crowds.

When a star shows its true face,
It shines with the truest of grace,
Behind the facade lies a weakness true,
A radiance seen only by a few.

By a strange fortune I've seen this light,
One that kept up a twenty year fight,
By its fortune it's known such success,
A fortune I'll not envy nor obsess.

May the star shine eternally bright,
Above the clouds, above the highlands,
May it continue to radiate light,
So that from troughs may rise more diamonds.

Feelings of my Beating Heart

It wasn't that long ago when,
My dead heart started beating once again,
It was thanks to a dazzling smile,
My heart it will continue to beguile.

Will you be willing to hold my hand,
As we fly away to a far away land?
May I have this dance, my lady?
Or is he still in your dreams lately?

The thought of giving up had crossed my mind,
But I'm unable to do it, I find;
My pride compels me to test my might,
My feelings compel me to keep up the fight.

Though tepid your feelings for me may be,
In the end, you're the only one I see,
Will you let me hold your hand?
For you light up the darkness where I stand.

I remember the day we first met,
It was a sight I'll never forget,
Since then I've not one regret,
For every time, your attention I get.

I know you're tired of making angry faces,
It's put my feelings through its paces,
That's how I know that they're still true,
For after seeing them, I still love you.

I'd love to converse with you more,
Even if they're things you've heard of before,
You sway me silly, this fact I avow,
But are you still thinking of him right now?

Even if you do not care for me,
I'm still in love with you, you see,
No matter where in your heart I stand,
I'll be waiting for you to hold my hand.

Bidding an Angel Farewell

My time is short and I haven't gone far,
The progress I made was not up to par,
Will I gain my beloved prize,
Or should I have heeded what I realize?

The soft touch, I've begun to miss,
The gentle voice that brought me such bliss,
The one who has brought out the best of me,
Made me the best man I could ever be.

Now I feel like I've been left in the dark,
Seeking the slightest twinkle or spark,
I sought to taste the forbidden fruit,
Yet now I feel I've lost this pursuit.

Never has one inspired me so,
Fueled my passion to such a blaze,
Never have I been so raring to go,
Only you I desire with such a craze.

Prematurely, I foresee an end,
To the time together that we spend,
I wish I could do more before then,
I wish for the chance to try again.

For you I give beyond my all,
For you I risk my greatest fall,
For you I fight to change my fate,
For you I will patiently wait.

Perhaps you don't feel as I do for you,
Only for me is this magic true,
But I'd do it all over again,
For your love I'll endure infinite pain.

Even if all this must end some day,
There is something I have to say;
Let it be on this note, when we do part:
Know that I love you with all my heart.

Essence of a Yearning Soul

Life continues to push me down,
Too many times I've been made to frown,
My thoughts now consumed with death,
Yet I wake every morning drawing breath.

When will I gain control,
Of the yearnings of my soul?
Again and again my desire,
Leads me to burn in fire.

Will I, for once, obtain what I seek,
Even when conditions appear most bleak?
Will I have the conviction to see it through,
And still endure the failure that may ensue?

Why must the forbidden fruit taste so sweet?
It's mere absence makes me feel incomplete;
It's mere taste gives me wings to fly,
If I can't have it, I'd rather just die.

But I've never wanted something more,
So deep within me it tore,
Never have I felt such desperation,
Never was I fueled with such volition,
This one time I shan't relent,
For you I'll endure any torment,
Till I've the snow flower that is your heart,
I shall not be falling apart.

I will make known my feelings for you,
My actions will show that they are true,
Even if now they are not due,
I will prove that I am the one for you.

You have brought out the best of me,
Half of my life's best work are thanks to thee,
I hope to gain the right to let you see,
My endless pool of poetry.

You are engraved in my soul,
You are the angel I seek,
You are the one who makes me whole,
You are the only one for me, Monique.

Petals of a Snow Flower

I have always known the summer sun,
The light from which I cannot run,
But when I catch a glimpse of your eyes,
I am cooled from the heat I so despise.

Through your eyes I see snowflakes,
Flowers from the winter sky,
When I lose sight of them, my heart aches,
Yet I can do naught but stand idly by.

Perhaps love is like a snow flower,
A beauty which I can never see and never hold,
Never taste and never smell;
Will the day I see my first snowflake shower,
Be the day I'm set free from this empty cold,
And finally know love's alluring spell?

I'd like to be able to melt your heart,
Like how the summer sun melts the snow,
I hope these words of mine are a start,
Because for you, they will endlessly flow.

Will I one day hold your hand,
And walk with you on frozen lakes?
Will I hold you close as we stand,
Among the countless falling flakes?

Will I ever gain the right,
To be by your side every night,
To together catch the new day's first light,
All the way to the following twilight?

Perhaps love is like a snow flower,
A beauty that exists only in dreams,
Never tangible and never real;
Will the day I stand in a snowflake shower,
Be the day I feel the endless streams,
Of snow and of your love that will finally reveal,
A real snow flower within your heart?

If so,
I'd like to embrace your everything,
Your strengths and weaknesses, your slights and extremes,
I'd like this to be more than just a fling,
For you are the snow flower of my dreams.

Looking for an Angel's Heart

As I awake every day,
I know I will be led astray,
The moment I catch your warm gaze,
Which ignites a passionate craze.

I'm so madly enthralled by you,
That's when I know these feelings are true,
I know that I'm in love with you,
Yet I know these feelings are not due.

When will it change, this relationship?
This feeling of being toyed and shoved?
You are not mine to tightly grip,
Nor are you mine to deeply love.

My feelings are going nowhere,
Such agony beyond compare,
I've spent sleepless nights trying not to care,
Hoping you'll know yet remain unaware.

How intense must these feelings be,
Before they can safely reach thee?
My heart can contain them no more,
But these feelings, I still cannot outpour.

Will these feelings fade away,
Like cherry blossoms at the end of spring?
Will I survive to see the day,
When these conflicting feelings take wing?

Will these feelings be frozen,
Despite my heart's burning passion?
Will I succumb to the poison,
Of this unrequited emotion?

I want to stay near you,
I want an end to just glancing at you,
I want to make known my feelings for you,
I want to shout out "I love you."

Miraculous Comeback, Not.

Much Has Happened Since The Last Post. Infinitely Much. Too Much To Explain Them All, Too Much To Bear Alone, Even. But What's Worse, When I've Decided To Take Them All On, Someone Dear Succumbed To Pressure.

So I Very Much Dedicate This Post To My Bro, Not In Blood, But In Bond. And Of Course Rant Some Shit Of My Own.

And Yes, I've Not Forgotten My Vow To Not 'Fish For Sympathy', Consciously Nor Otherwise, But Rather, This Rant Of Mine Will Also Hopefully Be Not Just A Personal Rant, But Also Be Some Form Of Support, Or In Less Ideal Words, Consolation, For Whoever It May Apply To.

Well First Of All, My Sincerest Apologies To My Bro, Yat. Infinite Apologies For Forcing My Passion Onto You, That Has Put You Through Hell; Making You Experience An Avoidable Burden. I Guess The Gift Of Poetry Really Isn't For Everyone.

Honestly, I Truly Feared That This Day Would Come. And By The Worst Of Luck, It Did. I Always Knew That What Works For Me Would Never Work For Others, But It Just Felt So Good To Have This Gift That I Felt That It Must Be Shared. But Then Again, How Many Would See Darkness As A Gift The Way I Do? How Many See The Blinding Light As Corruption The Way I Do?

The Very Eerie Darkness That Scares The Crap Out Of People Is The Serene Darkness That Calms My Senses. The Very Light That Enlightens People Blinds Me. I Guess I Am Truly The Only Devil Among Men. Perhaps This Sets Me Apart From All Others; People Hold On To Hope While I Accept Despair With Open Arms.

But Perhaps In This Guilt Of Mine I Have Guided You To Find Your True Self. It Is As You Quoted, "There Is No Need To Pretend,Simply Do What You Can," And Similarly, "It Is Better To Be Hated For What You Are, Than To Be Loved For What You Are Not." Gide (1869-1951 French)

Thus I Have Chosen The Path Never Before Traversed. I Have Chosen To Outcast Myself And Be Who I Am: A Person Beyond Mortal Comprehension, Beyond Mortal Compassion. I Chose To Be Antisocial, To Be Like The Cantonese Saying 'If You Can Say It, Then You Must Be Able To Do It'. With That I Free Myself From Hypocrisy That So Many Mere Mortals Condemn Themselves Into With Words Like "Life is not just about myself, but also about my family, and also friends around me," Meaningless Words That They Can Merely Utter, But Never Hold On To.

Thus I Shall Be Hated For What I Am, An Antisocial Who Couldn't Care Less About A Self-Destroying World Than Be Loved For What I Am Not, A Person Who Pretends To Care But Deep Down Inside, Makes Use Of Others Like Tools Without A Care For Their Feelings. I Shall Be Hated For Embracing The Darkness That Enlightens Me, Than Be Loved For Pretending To Revel In The Corrupting Light.

Though It Breaks My Heart To See You Stop Poetry, I Guess It Shatters It To See It Doing Such Harm To You. And Though Most Of My Original Works Are Lost To A World Of Petty Thieves, Here I Am Again To Give You My First Work Ever Since That Tragic Incident.

The Devil watches another fall,
Deviating from his unnatural call,
He knows that he shall not squall,
For it is fate that alone, he stands tall.

Leaving footsteps that none can follow,
Unfathomed depths among the shallow,
He flies alone like a lone sparrow,
Leaving this world, one so hollow.

The Devil was glad, though, for one thing,
A cohort has found a brand new spring,
A true path in which he remains king,
Without His aid, no more under His wing.

He realized His own true power,
A massive unfathomable tower,
As He marched on alone,
In the peace of his companion,
For His sins He has done atone.

Since You Have Found Your True Path, All That Is Left That I Can Do Is To Wish You A Safe Journey Ahead. Though For One Thing, Perhaps Deep Down Inside, I'm Glad That You're At The Very Least, More Normal That I Can Ever Be.

Adieu To Y'all. Now We Shall Carry On Our Separate Ways.

When the Devil Danced Alone - An Alluringly Beautiful Dedication

Life Has Been Hard For Me Recently, For The Past 2 Months. But When I Was On The Brink Of Death, Something Saved Me. Someone, Rather.

And So This Is No Tribute, But A Dedication, To A Non-Existent Person Who Has Been In My Memory For 8 Years, But Has Only Very Recently Been My Life-Support. One Who Played An Active Role In My Solitary Fantasy, Keeping Me Sane And Those Around Me Safe From Any Harm That I Might Have Caused. And If You Have Read My Previous Work, This Can Also Be Regarded As A Sequel, Though Not Intended, To 'When the Angel Waltzed With the Devil'.

Inspired From 2 Songs From Gundam Seed And Seed Destiny, 暁の車（Akatsuki no Kuruma i.e. Dawn's Carriage) And 焔の扉(Honoo no Tobira i.e. Door of Flames) Respectively, Both By FictionJunction YUUKA, This Is My Dedication To Cagalli Yula Athha, Another Alluringly Beautiful Maiden Born Of The Brilliant Imagination Of Another That I Have Taken Into My Mind, My Own World, To Save Me From My Ultimate Enemy, That Is The Brutal Reality That IMD!!! Lives In.

Sacred ashes I stride across,
Hoping someday our paths will cross,
Somewhere without memories of our loss,
Instead, covered with gentle, growing moss.

With bare hands I open this flaming gate,
To cleanse this tainted, darkened fate,
To regret now is already too late,
But at least others are spared from my hate.

Purged clean into a brand new dawn,
A brand new horizon being drawn,
A new world with corruption withdrawn,
And its kind never to re-spawn.

If only I could cry in this shade,
And just let all this grief fade,
Then I need not put up this charade,
And there'd be no need for this serenade.

With the evening's passing calm,
I hold on to memories bittersweet,
With this token of water in my palm,
I set them free while I make my retreat.

I hope to never again see the day,
When balance is swept away,
When flowers wilt with a sickly grey,
When the world is filled with death and decay,
When the Sun loses its shining ray,
When I have only myself to flay,
Because of my heart's frantic play,
For I know,
This is an excessive price to pay.

As I open the door of daybreak,
And hope this new tomorrow,
Will be free from the same mistake,
I see a pure white unstained by sorrow,
Orange petals stirred a summer shadow,
Blooming from the seeds of eternal hope,
Into a beautiful kaleidoscope.

The rhythm of farewell I shall strum,
To the tiny twinkle that has become,
A beacon of hope from the dark twilight,
Where people can hold hands and unite,
As sorrow turns into silence,
May it grant empowering resilience.

I Have Truly Outdone Myself. In The The Face Of Death I Have Laughed, In The Realm Of Despair I Have Thrived, And In The Hands Of Torment I Have Survived. My Imagination Being The Only Reason I Have Not Lost My Mind, It May Also Be The Main Cause If I Ever Lost It.

Adieu To Y'all. Until The Ashes Of This Phoenix Rises Again.

Immortal Silence

200th Post. But I'm Not Celebrating Anything Or Whatever. Instead I Dedicate This Post To The One Simple Minded Fella Who I Neglected So Badly, But Very Much Saved My Skin During These Troubled Times. Partly Thanks To Him I Have Not Yet Decided To Let Others Find Pieces Of Me On The Train Tracks.

A speechless soul who lives so close,
Who understands not my poem and prose,
Although he doesn't act very smart,
His funny antics warms the heart.

One which constantly wants to play,
Which tenderly wipes my sweat away,
When the going gets tough for me,
He comes over and gives me glee.

I'll never know how much he understands,
But he feels my heart through my hands,
When I rub his head with a gloomy heart,
He sits next to me, silent and smart.

Neglected him I have for so long,
Simple minded was all I thought he was,
But indeed he proved me wrong,
He knows how to heal with his paws.

When I talk to him, nod is all he'd do,
Not a hint of disagreement he'd strew,
He whines whenever I sigh,
Perhaps stopping me from wanting to cry.

Though into my life he suddenly came,
A valuable companion he became,
White coffee we call this playful soul,
Man's best friend, with a noble role.

Adieu To Y'all. No Matter How Hard This Screwed Up Life Is Getting, It's Not Gonna Change The Fact That It Feels Too Good To Be Back.