Or Rather, I Just Can't Resist But To Hate You. You Are So Blunt That When I Reach Out To Help You, You Dent My Edge And Chip Me Off. You're Like A Mace When I'm A Sword. And Sometimes Just For The Fun Of It, I Love Cutting You In Half. Never Before Have I Realized How Much I Love To Hate You.
Then Again, Hate Isn't The Right Word. I Don't Feel Like The World Is Crashing Down When You're Around. Just That When You're Around, I Get To Let Stress Off By Picking On Your Blunt, Ignorant, 'Innocent', Stupid And Naive Self. And I Love Picking On You, With The Only Feasible Reason Being Payback When I Try To Help You And You Hurt Me Instead.
So, Yeah. I Don't Hate You. Just That Things You Did, Consciously Or Otherwise, Made Me Love To Hurt You. Though I Haven't Gone As Far As To Leaving Deep, Incurable Emotional Scars, But The Way Things Are Going, I Predict You Will Keep Up What You Do Best And In Return I Will Fall In Love With Breaking Your Heart And Making You Hate Me For Real If You Haven't Already.
Adieu To Y'all. Hope You Realize What's What Before It's Too Late, And I Will Have Nothing To Lose This Time As It'll Be A One On One Cold War.
P.S: Though You May Think I'm In No Position To Say This, But It Took Me A Whole Year To Realize This. Maybe You'll Need 3 More...
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Leechers Of The Line
Finally Found Out What Caused The Line To Suck Like Through A Needle Head Sized Straw. Cabal Is Just Too Modest For Its Own Good. It "Gives The Line To More Needy Ones" While Other Programs Suck The Line Like Ticks Sucking Blood, Only, They Won't Ever Be Full Or Satisfied.
On Other Words, While I'm Not Alone, I Should Just Sleep And Not Induce High Blood Pressure On Myself Trying The Line Over And Over Again When I Know I'll Get The Same Shitty Results.
So, Yeah, Good Night Comes Early Today, At Before 11pm, A First Since Coming To Kampar.
Adieu To Y'all. To Any IT Pros Out There That Can Help Me Configure Cabal To Suck More Line Than PPStream, PLEASE HELP ME!!!
On Other Words, While I'm Not Alone, I Should Just Sleep And Not Induce High Blood Pressure On Myself Trying The Line Over And Over Again When I Know I'll Get The Same Shitty Results.
So, Yeah, Good Night Comes Early Today, At Before 11pm, A First Since Coming To Kampar.
Adieu To Y'all. To Any IT Pros Out There That Can Help Me Configure Cabal To Suck More Line Than PPStream, PLEASE HELP ME!!!
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Venom Immunity
Finally Learned To Not Care More Than Necessary, Especially If People Are Undeserving. It Took A While, But Now I'm Proud To Say That None Of Your Blunt Words Nor Actions Shall Dent My Razor-Sharp Blade; I'll Cut Through You Like Cutting Through Melting Butter Instead.
Life At Kampar Has Been Dull, To Say The Least. The Line DCs Every So Often, Which Sucks When You Are Clearing A Quest Dungeon In Cabal. It's Like Running A 100m Sprint, Only, At The 99th Meter, You Either Sprain Your Ankles Or Someone Lassos Them Without Warning.
Or Worse When Its GG. That Would Be Like Trying To Give A Speech With A Jacked Up Mic Or A Script With Commas And Fullstops After Every Word.
To The Bros Back Home At Cheras/Setapak, How's The Line a.k.a Life There? And Those At PJ, How's Everything? Though Sometimes Somethings Happen That Don't Turn Out Right, Hope They Aren't As Bad As How Things Are Here.
Assignments Due In 2/3 Weeks Time And As A Whole, Only 30% Is Done. Sucks, Huh?
And I'm Getting To Know My Classmates Much Easier Than I Expected. Strangely I Have DotA To Thank.
Adieu To Y'all. And Though I'm In No Place To Say This, But Life's Good When You're Immune To Some Pain In The Ass Who Are Almost Always Wherever You Are.
Life At Kampar Has Been Dull, To Say The Least. The Line DCs Every So Often, Which Sucks When You Are Clearing A Quest Dungeon In Cabal. It's Like Running A 100m Sprint, Only, At The 99th Meter, You Either Sprain Your Ankles Or Someone Lassos Them Without Warning.
Or Worse When Its GG. That Would Be Like Trying To Give A Speech With A Jacked Up Mic Or A Script With Commas And Fullstops After Every Word.
To The Bros Back Home At Cheras/Setapak, How's The Line a.k.a Life There? And Those At PJ, How's Everything? Though Sometimes Somethings Happen That Don't Turn Out Right, Hope They Aren't As Bad As How Things Are Here.
Assignments Due In 2/3 Weeks Time And As A Whole, Only 30% Is Done. Sucks, Huh?
And I'm Getting To Know My Classmates Much Easier Than I Expected. Strangely I Have DotA To Thank.
Adieu To Y'all. And Though I'm In No Place To Say This, But Life's Good When You're Immune To Some Pain In The Ass Who Are Almost Always Wherever You Are.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
To Make Time Fly
It's Slightly Short Of 2 Hours To The 1st Class Of The Day. And Even So, It's Still Possible For Me To Be Late For Class Even With 2 Hours To Prepare. Yeah, Self Discipline Isn't Really Something That Is Dominant When The Day Has Not Yet involve Interaction With Others.
It's Been 2 Days In A Row That I 'Attended A LAN Party' Which Made Me Sleep Way After The Time That I Should. Should Put A Stop To That For The Time Being.
The Line Here Sucks More Than In PJ. In Other Words, 2 Megs Of Transfer Rate Shared By 4 Computers Is Slower Than 1 Meg Shared By 10. And Yeah, Technology Makes Even The Most Illogical Fact Sensible. Like How An Electronic Device Can Just Die For No Reason.
Speaking Of Which, Here's A Joke Regarding Cars If Compared To Computers; Got If From A Forum Which I Joined Recently:
At a recent computer expo (1996 COMDEX), Bill Gates compared the computer industry to the automotive industry by stating: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving cars that cost $25.00 and get 1,00 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bills comment, General Motors issued A press release making the following statement: "If we (GM) had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1) for no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice per day.
2) Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3) Your car would occasionally stop on the freeway without reason. In order to get started again, you would have to pull off to the side of the road, close all the windows, shut off the car restart it and open all the windows again. For some unknown reason, you would simply do this without question.
4) Occasionally, executing a maneuver, such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5) Only one person could use the car at one time unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT", but then you would also have to buy more seats.
6) The new seats you would need would force everyone to have the same size butt.
7) You would press the "start" button to shut off the engine.
8) The oil warning light, water warning light, and alternator warning light would all be replaced by a single "Unidentified System Error" light.
9) The air bag would ask your freshly mangled body "are you sure" before going off.
10) Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you back in until you simultaneously lifted the driver side door handle, turned the key, and grabbed the radio antenna.
11) The radio antenna would be internally mounted on the passenger side of the car.
12) buying a new car would force you to also purchase a new set of Deluxe Rand McNally road maps, despite the fact that you neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause your cars performance to diminish by 50% or more.
13) every time GM introduced a new car, people would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the old controls would function in the new car.
14) Macintosh would make a car that was five times faster, ten times more reliable and easier to maintain, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads."
I'll Put The Link To The Forum When It Gets More Popular, So Stay Tuned For More Of Such Jokes.
Adieu To Y'all. Wish Me Luck With My Time Management.
It's Been 2 Days In A Row That I 'Attended A LAN Party' Which Made Me Sleep Way After The Time That I Should. Should Put A Stop To That For The Time Being.
The Line Here Sucks More Than In PJ. In Other Words, 2 Megs Of Transfer Rate Shared By 4 Computers Is Slower Than 1 Meg Shared By 10. And Yeah, Technology Makes Even The Most Illogical Fact Sensible. Like How An Electronic Device Can Just Die For No Reason.
Speaking Of Which, Here's A Joke Regarding Cars If Compared To Computers; Got If From A Forum Which I Joined Recently:
At a recent computer expo (1996 COMDEX), Bill Gates compared the computer industry to the automotive industry by stating: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving cars that cost $25.00 and get 1,00 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bills comment, General Motors issued A press release making the following statement: "If we (GM) had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1) for no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice per day.
2) Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3) Your car would occasionally stop on the freeway without reason. In order to get started again, you would have to pull off to the side of the road, close all the windows, shut off the car restart it and open all the windows again. For some unknown reason, you would simply do this without question.
4) Occasionally, executing a maneuver, such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5) Only one person could use the car at one time unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT", but then you would also have to buy more seats.
6) The new seats you would need would force everyone to have the same size butt.
7) You would press the "start" button to shut off the engine.
8) The oil warning light, water warning light, and alternator warning light would all be replaced by a single "Unidentified System Error" light.
9) The air bag would ask your freshly mangled body "are you sure" before going off.
10) Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you back in until you simultaneously lifted the driver side door handle, turned the key, and grabbed the radio antenna.
11) The radio antenna would be internally mounted on the passenger side of the car.
12) buying a new car would force you to also purchase a new set of Deluxe Rand McNally road maps, despite the fact that you neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause your cars performance to diminish by 50% or more.
13) every time GM introduced a new car, people would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the old controls would function in the new car.
14) Macintosh would make a car that was five times faster, ten times more reliable and easier to maintain, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads."
---------
I'll Put The Link To The Forum When It Gets More Popular, So Stay Tuned For More Of Such Jokes.
Adieu To Y'all. Wish Me Luck With My Time Management.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
The Gift Worth Giving
Guys, IanMustDie!!! Is Back And Better Than Ever!
In Just The 3rd Week I Think I've Lived The Liveliest Day Of The Semester.
After The Darn Friday 8 O'clock Class I Brought Jia Yong To The Local Maybank Before Going Into The Westlake Homes. Stopped At Seng Chu's Place With Ben For A Quick Bite Of McD( Which He Went All The Way To Gopeng, 2km From Ipoh To Get). Initially We Were Supposed To Be Discussing About An Assignment Of Ours, But Since Everybody Didn't Get There In Time And Many Of Us Were Still Hungry, We Went Out To Town For Our Really Late Dinner. Proud I Am To Say That I Was One Of The Jokers There That Liven Up The Environment. Even The Journey To And From Town Was Entertaining. Then, It's A Detour To Vonzell's Place For Some Personal Experience Sharing (Where We Get To Know The Evil Side Of Some Of Us).
Saturday Was The Day All The Family Members Of No.19, 17/21B Street 2008~2009 Gathered. Although One Could Not Make It, It Was Fun Nevertheless. Watched The Movie 'Drag Me To Hell' That Turned Out To Be 70% Humour And 30% Horror Instead Of The Thriller That It's Promo Posters Advertised (Based On Pictured Only Of Course, There Weren't Any Other Words To Refer). And The Journey Home Was The Usual 'Wait-For-The-Damn-U27-For-A-Whole-Shitty-Hour-And-Stay-Sardine-Canned-For-Another' Routine.
Today, Mom And Dad Decided To Send Me To Puduraya And Watch Me Board The Bus As I Departed For Kampar, Like The 1st Time By KTM With Fan And Vingent. Only This Time, The Whole Thing Was Somehow So Touching That I Let A Drop Of Tear, The First In Almost 2 Years, Flow, Maybe Due To The Fact That We Waited Longer This Time And Because I Was Alone.
And Here I Am Now At Home Trying To Copy What I Saw From Another Blog In My Usual Reading List. Sorry Guys, But No, I'm Not Someone With Originality. Sorry To Disappoint Y'all.
Let's See...
Let's Begin With Certain Flashbacks Of This Miserable Life Of Mine.
Before SPM, I Was Always One To Just Stick With My Tiny Circle Of Friends, Like A Wolf To Its Pack. There Were Others Of Course, But None As Close. It All Changed When Those I Thought I Could Confide In Betrayed My Trust And Stabbed Me in The Back. That Was The 1st Calamity Of 2007, Which Also Led To The Second Which I'll Mention Some Other Time. That Was Also The Time When I Coined Myself The Nickname IanMustDie!!!
It Was Then That I Got Closer With The Group Of People Who Are Now My 'Brothers'. With Them I've Shared Good Times And Bad Times That None Has Given Me Before. Even My Choice Of Coming To UTAR Was Because We Planned To Go There As A Group. It Was Us That Originated 2008~2009's Family Of No.19, 17/21B Street, PJ, Which Gradually Expanded To What It Is Today; A Very Huge Family Of 10 Siblings. And Though That House Is No Longer Our Sanctuary, The Bond That Was Created Shall Last For As Long As We Can Hold On To.
And Thanks To The Destiny That Brought Me With My 'Brothers' To UTAR Did I Become A Part Of TB1 PJ May 2008, Which Was Truly An Eye Opener.
Okay, Time To Brag...
In The 11 Years Of My Academic Life Before Tertiary Education, I Dare Say My English Is One Of The Best There Is, And The Difference Between Myself And Others Proficient In The Language Has Never Been Great. All That Changed When I Became A Part Of TB1, Where I Met 2 People That Showed My How Inferior I Am In What I Thought I Do Best. They Are:
Then There Is Fan, Vingent, Maggie, Kai Kiat And Gavin, That Made My 1st Tertiary Education Year More Than Just Attending Classes And Heading Home To Sleep Right After That. Of Course, Not Forgetting The Rest Of TB1 That Made My Whole Foundation Life Complete.
It Was From This Point Onward That Life Was So Much More Than Staring At The PC Screen All Day, All Night.
Then, These Past 3 Days Got Me Thinking, How Do I Perceive My Ideal Self?
I Like The Way I Am Now. Though Things Could Be Better, I Am Thankful That They Aren't Worse. I Love The Way I Perceive Things In Life, But I Hate My Inability To Express Them.
If There's Something I Really Hate About Myself is Hypocrisy. I Hate Hypocrites More Than Almost Anything But Many Times In Life I Had To Lie To People To Save My Own Skin. Talk About Self Contradiction, Huh...?
The Worst Ever Would Be My Own Futile, Stupid And Close To Desperate Attempts To Be In An Intimately Romantic Relationship With Another. Why? How Do I Put It... I Was, Maybe Still Am, Always 'Trying So Hard' To Know How It Feels Like To Actually Be Almost Always Together With Someone Who Had Done Or Said Something Special To You, To Know That This Particular Person Will Always Be By Your Side To Grant You Miracles When You Need Them Most And When You Least Expect Them. But How Cruel Can It Be When You're Always The One On The Receiving End, Never Being Able To Return The Favour Because You Are Clearly Inferior To The One That You Chose To Want To Be By Your Side Every Second Of Your Life From This Moment Onward? To Never Be Able To Grant Miracles To The One You Care For, But To Just Be Able To Offer A Listening Ear, To The Once That Could Potentially Bring You Countless Times Out Of Death's Grip?
Saying All That, The Only Way I Can Explain My Desires For Intimacy Is Lust; The Craving Of The Ever-Growing Heart Which Does So Much More Rapidly Than The Mind Can Ever Catch Up.
Which Also Leads To Other People Having A Hard Time With Me Because Of Me Being Too Emotionally Sensitive. The Slightest Wrong Choice Of Words Could Destroy My Day. This Is A Really Great Problem, Especially When There Are People Around You Who Are Slower Than You Are, Even When You Think No One Can Possibly Be Slower Than You Are Until The Next 50 Billion Years, When Earth Itself Dies Of Old Age. For This Kind Of People, Which I Only Know Of 2, This All I Can Say To You:
Yeah, This May Be A Sort Of Pride, Which Means Another Self Contradiction. Many In My Small World I See As Vastly Inferior To Myself, Even More Unworthy Of My Presence, And When I Reflect On My Foundation Year, I Realize Something Significant; It Is I Who Is Unworthy Sometimes, Especially In The Presence Of The Likes Of The Two Names Mentioned Above. Even Until Now, It Is An Honour To Me, To Have Met Them, To Have Been Their Classmates, To Have The Opportunity To Be Their Friend, To Have Them In Their Lives, To Have Them Leave Their Meaningful Mark In This Miserable Existence That Is Ian Chee. How I Wish To Meet Them Again, How I Wish To Speak To Them In Person Again, How I Wish To Show Them The New And Improved Me. The Me That Can Go Crazier Than Anyone, As Long As There Is Someone To Light The Fire. Though That Chance Is Slim Now Due To Our Distance Apart, I Believe That It Will Happen Soon Enough.
But All This Attention That I Seek, Is This Truly Me?
No, It Is Not. Other Than People That I Am Really Close To, I'd Very Much Prefer To Hide My Entire Self From Others. To Be The Wolf That I Once Was, Only Sticking To My Own Pack. Other People That Mean Nothing To Me, It Wouldn't Really Bother Me If I Meant Nothing To Them Either, Though I Admit, There Are Moments Of Envy When Everyone Is Talking To Everyone Else And Laughing Their Lungs Out While I Stay By The Sidelines And Listen To Their Words.
All That Aside, I Guess I Already Got All The Attention I Deserve, More Would Mean More Work Before They Come.
Why's That? Well... Looking Back To The Past When I Was Just An Ignorant 6 Year Old Kid, I'd Call Anyone A Friend. And Those 'Friends' Keep Their True Colours From You For The Next 10 Years And All Of A Sudden, Strike At You Where It Hurts Most. Probably I Deserve That As Well. But That Made All The Difference. If That Didn't Happen, I'd Never Be Mixing With The Gang Who Are Now Like Family To Me; The Brothers And Sisters That I Lack Biologically. If I Weren't A Part Of This New Family, I Would Never Be A Part Of Another Family That Is No.19, 17/21B Street 2008~2009. And Ultimately, If I Was Never A Part Of This Family, I Would Never Be Able To Meet All The Saints And Deities That Make Up TB1 PJ May 2008.
In Other Words, If I've Never Felt Betrayed, I'd Never Have Felt So Significant. Never Would've Love And Felt Loved. Never Before Had Anyone Smash A Whole Cake In My Face In The Eve Of My Birthday, And Call Another Group Of People Who Were Close to Complete Strangers To Them To Celebrate With A Grand Steamboat On The Next Day. Thanks To You Guys Of No.19, 17/21B Street 2008~2009 And TB1 PJ May 2008. Because Of Y'all, Life For Me Has Officially Started On 17 November 2008. I Love Y'all!!!
And Maybe I Should Also Officially Thank The Fucking Pieces Of Shit That Ruined 10 Years Of My Life. If You Bunch Didn't Break Me, There'd Be No Need For Others To Pick Up The Pieces And Improve Me. Thanks To You I'm Better Than Ever.
Again, Infinite Thanks To All The People Who Made My Life Worth Living, Especially My Bros Who Were Always There For Me, Always Trying To Fix My Flaws, Always Trying To Right My Wrongs. Though I've Barely Been Able To Return The Favour, I Won't Stop Trying. Y'all Have My Word On That. And Just Like Me Liking Myself As Much As I Hate Myself, I Love Your Company When I Say I Need To Be Alone Sometimes. And As Much As I Say I'd be Forgotten Before, It's Just As Much That I Hope I Won't Be.
Just So That Y'all Know, What Made Me So Sentimental All Of A Sudden Was 'Honey And Clover II' And A Blog Post titled 'Warm Water'
Adieu To Y'all. You Guys Are A Gift To Me, And I Intent To Return The Favour.
In Just The 3rd Week I Think I've Lived The Liveliest Day Of The Semester.
After The Darn Friday 8 O'clock Class I Brought Jia Yong To The Local Maybank Before Going Into The Westlake Homes. Stopped At Seng Chu's Place With Ben For A Quick Bite Of McD( Which He Went All The Way To Gopeng, 2km From Ipoh To Get). Initially We Were Supposed To Be Discussing About An Assignment Of Ours, But Since Everybody Didn't Get There In Time And Many Of Us Were Still Hungry, We Went Out To Town For Our Really Late Dinner. Proud I Am To Say That I Was One Of The Jokers There That Liven Up The Environment. Even The Journey To And From Town Was Entertaining. Then, It's A Detour To Vonzell's Place For Some Personal Experience Sharing (Where We Get To Know The Evil Side Of Some Of Us).
Saturday Was The Day All The Family Members Of No.19, 17/21B Street 2008~2009 Gathered. Although One Could Not Make It, It Was Fun Nevertheless. Watched The Movie 'Drag Me To Hell' That Turned Out To Be 70% Humour And 30% Horror Instead Of The Thriller That It's Promo Posters Advertised (Based On Pictured Only Of Course, There Weren't Any Other Words To Refer). And The Journey Home Was The Usual 'Wait-For-The-Damn-U27-For-A-Whole-Shitty-Hour-And-Stay-Sardine-Canned-For-Another' Routine.
Today, Mom And Dad Decided To Send Me To Puduraya And Watch Me Board The Bus As I Departed For Kampar, Like The 1st Time By KTM With Fan And Vingent. Only This Time, The Whole Thing Was Somehow So Touching That I Let A Drop Of Tear, The First In Almost 2 Years, Flow, Maybe Due To The Fact That We Waited Longer This Time And Because I Was Alone.
-----
And Here I Am Now At Home Trying To Copy What I Saw From Another Blog In My Usual Reading List. Sorry Guys, But No, I'm Not Someone With Originality. Sorry To Disappoint Y'all.
Let's See...
Let's Begin With Certain Flashbacks Of This Miserable Life Of Mine.
Before SPM, I Was Always One To Just Stick With My Tiny Circle Of Friends, Like A Wolf To Its Pack. There Were Others Of Course, But None As Close. It All Changed When Those I Thought I Could Confide In Betrayed My Trust And Stabbed Me in The Back. That Was The 1st Calamity Of 2007, Which Also Led To The Second Which I'll Mention Some Other Time. That Was Also The Time When I Coined Myself The Nickname IanMustDie!!!
It Was Then That I Got Closer With The Group Of People Who Are Now My 'Brothers'. With Them I've Shared Good Times And Bad Times That None Has Given Me Before. Even My Choice Of Coming To UTAR Was Because We Planned To Go There As A Group. It Was Us That Originated 2008~2009's Family Of No.19, 17/21B Street, PJ, Which Gradually Expanded To What It Is Today; A Very Huge Family Of 10 Siblings. And Though That House Is No Longer Our Sanctuary, The Bond That Was Created Shall Last For As Long As We Can Hold On To.
And Thanks To The Destiny That Brought Me With My 'Brothers' To UTAR Did I Become A Part Of TB1 PJ May 2008, Which Was Truly An Eye Opener.
Okay, Time To Brag...
In The 11 Years Of My Academic Life Before Tertiary Education, I Dare Say My English Is One Of The Best There Is, And The Difference Between Myself And Others Proficient In The Language Has Never Been Great. All That Changed When I Became A Part Of TB1, Where I Met 2 People That Showed My How Inferior I Am In What I Thought I Do Best. They Are:
- Joshua Lim Ee Wei, The Guy Who Is So Outspoken, Most Lecturers Aren't A Match For Him, And
- Le-Anne Teo Wey Herng, Whose Writings Never Cease To Make Me Go "Wow" And Even Gets Me Checking The Dictionary Sometimes.
Then There Is Fan, Vingent, Maggie, Kai Kiat And Gavin, That Made My 1st Tertiary Education Year More Than Just Attending Classes And Heading Home To Sleep Right After That. Of Course, Not Forgetting The Rest Of TB1 That Made My Whole Foundation Life Complete.
It Was From This Point Onward That Life Was So Much More Than Staring At The PC Screen All Day, All Night.
Then, These Past 3 Days Got Me Thinking, How Do I Perceive My Ideal Self?
I Like The Way I Am Now. Though Things Could Be Better, I Am Thankful That They Aren't Worse. I Love The Way I Perceive Things In Life, But I Hate My Inability To Express Them.
If There's Something I Really Hate About Myself is Hypocrisy. I Hate Hypocrites More Than Almost Anything But Many Times In Life I Had To Lie To People To Save My Own Skin. Talk About Self Contradiction, Huh...?
The Worst Ever Would Be My Own Futile, Stupid And Close To Desperate Attempts To Be In An Intimately Romantic Relationship With Another. Why? How Do I Put It... I Was, Maybe Still Am, Always 'Trying So Hard' To Know How It Feels Like To Actually Be Almost Always Together With Someone Who Had Done Or Said Something Special To You, To Know That This Particular Person Will Always Be By Your Side To Grant You Miracles When You Need Them Most And When You Least Expect Them. But How Cruel Can It Be When You're Always The One On The Receiving End, Never Being Able To Return The Favour Because You Are Clearly Inferior To The One That You Chose To Want To Be By Your Side Every Second Of Your Life From This Moment Onward? To Never Be Able To Grant Miracles To The One You Care For, But To Just Be Able To Offer A Listening Ear, To The Once That Could Potentially Bring You Countless Times Out Of Death's Grip?
Saying All That, The Only Way I Can Explain My Desires For Intimacy Is Lust; The Craving Of The Ever-Growing Heart Which Does So Much More Rapidly Than The Mind Can Ever Catch Up.
Which Also Leads To Other People Having A Hard Time With Me Because Of Me Being Too Emotionally Sensitive. The Slightest Wrong Choice Of Words Could Destroy My Day. This Is A Really Great Problem, Especially When There Are People Around You Who Are Slower Than You Are, Even When You Think No One Can Possibly Be Slower Than You Are Until The Next 50 Billion Years, When Earth Itself Dies Of Old Age. For This Kind Of People, Which I Only Know Of 2, This All I Can Say To You:
You Are Guilty Of Innocence.Keep This Up And Not Have Change Cross Your Mind For Even A Split Second And I Can Assure You I Will Hurt You With The Sharpest Of Words In My Vocabulary.
You Are Guilty Of Ignorance.
You Are Guilty Of Stupidity.
You Are Guilty Of Naivety.
Yeah, This May Be A Sort Of Pride, Which Means Another Self Contradiction. Many In My Small World I See As Vastly Inferior To Myself, Even More Unworthy Of My Presence, And When I Reflect On My Foundation Year, I Realize Something Significant; It Is I Who Is Unworthy Sometimes, Especially In The Presence Of The Likes Of The Two Names Mentioned Above. Even Until Now, It Is An Honour To Me, To Have Met Them, To Have Been Their Classmates, To Have The Opportunity To Be Their Friend, To Have Them In Their Lives, To Have Them Leave Their Meaningful Mark In This Miserable Existence That Is Ian Chee. How I Wish To Meet Them Again, How I Wish To Speak To Them In Person Again, How I Wish To Show Them The New And Improved Me. The Me That Can Go Crazier Than Anyone, As Long As There Is Someone To Light The Fire. Though That Chance Is Slim Now Due To Our Distance Apart, I Believe That It Will Happen Soon Enough.
But All This Attention That I Seek, Is This Truly Me?
No, It Is Not. Other Than People That I Am Really Close To, I'd Very Much Prefer To Hide My Entire Self From Others. To Be The Wolf That I Once Was, Only Sticking To My Own Pack. Other People That Mean Nothing To Me, It Wouldn't Really Bother Me If I Meant Nothing To Them Either, Though I Admit, There Are Moments Of Envy When Everyone Is Talking To Everyone Else And Laughing Their Lungs Out While I Stay By The Sidelines And Listen To Their Words.
All That Aside, I Guess I Already Got All The Attention I Deserve, More Would Mean More Work Before They Come.
Why's That? Well... Looking Back To The Past When I Was Just An Ignorant 6 Year Old Kid, I'd Call Anyone A Friend. And Those 'Friends' Keep Their True Colours From You For The Next 10 Years And All Of A Sudden, Strike At You Where It Hurts Most. Probably I Deserve That As Well. But That Made All The Difference. If That Didn't Happen, I'd Never Be Mixing With The Gang Who Are Now Like Family To Me; The Brothers And Sisters That I Lack Biologically. If I Weren't A Part Of This New Family, I Would Never Be A Part Of Another Family That Is No.19, 17/21B Street 2008~2009. And Ultimately, If I Was Never A Part Of This Family, I Would Never Be Able To Meet All The Saints And Deities That Make Up TB1 PJ May 2008.
In Other Words, If I've Never Felt Betrayed, I'd Never Have Felt So Significant. Never Would've Love And Felt Loved. Never Before Had Anyone Smash A Whole Cake In My Face In The Eve Of My Birthday, And Call Another Group Of People Who Were Close to Complete Strangers To Them To Celebrate With A Grand Steamboat On The Next Day. Thanks To You Guys Of No.19, 17/21B Street 2008~2009 And TB1 PJ May 2008. Because Of Y'all, Life For Me Has Officially Started On 17 November 2008. I Love Y'all!!!
And Maybe I Should Also Officially Thank The Fucking Pieces Of Shit That Ruined 10 Years Of My Life. If You Bunch Didn't Break Me, There'd Be No Need For Others To Pick Up The Pieces And Improve Me. Thanks To You I'm Better Than Ever.
Again, Infinite Thanks To All The People Who Made My Life Worth Living, Especially My Bros Who Were Always There For Me, Always Trying To Fix My Flaws, Always Trying To Right My Wrongs. Though I've Barely Been Able To Return The Favour, I Won't Stop Trying. Y'all Have My Word On That. And Just Like Me Liking Myself As Much As I Hate Myself, I Love Your Company When I Say I Need To Be Alone Sometimes. And As Much As I Say I'd be Forgotten Before, It's Just As Much That I Hope I Won't Be.
Just So That Y'all Know, What Made Me So Sentimental All Of A Sudden Was 'Honey And Clover II' And A Blog Post titled 'Warm Water'
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A Motto Of Mine That I Coined Some 7 Years Ago; I Am Who I Am, I Was Who I Was And I Will Be Who I Will Be. And Thanks Guys For Accepting Who I Am, For Caring About Who I Was And Most Importantly, Helping Me Become Who I Will Be.Adieu To Y'all. You Guys Are A Gift To Me, And I Intent To Return The Favour.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
It's Good To Be Out Of The Wilds
Yeah, Insects Bugging You When You Bathe, In The Middle Of A DotA Game Or Even Sleep Isn't Something You'd Really Appreciate, Even If You're A Nature Lover.
But Then, The Scenery Is Simply Breathtakingly Beautiful. Some Price To Pay On Exchange For Pleasure, huh?
12 Hours Of Zombie-ing In Campus Today Was A Real Killer. And Class Starts At 9.30 In The Morning. And I'm Still Not Really Willing To Sleep Eventhough It's Well Past 1am now.
Thanks Again The Guys And Gals Of 19, 17/21B Street 2008~2009 For Your Concern. Things Are Getting Better, So You Can Worry Less About Me Now. I'll Do What I Can To Bring You Guys More Good News. And About The Meeting This Weekend, I'll Try My Best To Make It. No Guarantees Though.
Adieu To Y'all. See Y'all This Saturday Hopefully.
But Then, The Scenery Is Simply Breathtakingly Beautiful. Some Price To Pay On Exchange For Pleasure, huh?
12 Hours Of Zombie-ing In Campus Today Was A Real Killer. And Class Starts At 9.30 In The Morning. And I'm Still Not Really Willing To Sleep Eventhough It's Well Past 1am now.
Thanks Again The Guys And Gals Of 19, 17/21B Street 2008~2009 For Your Concern. Things Are Getting Better, So You Can Worry Less About Me Now. I'll Do What I Can To Bring You Guys More Good News. And About The Meeting This Weekend, I'll Try My Best To Make It. No Guarantees Though.
Adieu To Y'all. See Y'all This Saturday Hopefully.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Life Has Begun
That's Right. The Internet Has Arrived At Kampar And Now That Even The Router's Fixed, Life Can Take Its Usual Course Of Blogging, Online Gaming, Anime Downloading And Rotting At Home. But All This Comes Just When The Assignment Heat Came. So Yeah, Quite Pointless In A Way.
People Are Going Downhill When I'm Finally Hiking My Up Once Again. What The Heck? Well, Synchronization Isn't Really Important, But It'll Be Good To Know At Least That People Are Better When You Are As Well.
Other Than That, Life At Kampar At The Moment Is Very Much Still.
Some Say My Timetable Isn't For Normal People. I Totally Agree. Imagine Classes From 8am To 8pm On A Damn Tuesday When There's Taekwondo Training On Monday Evening. Who The Heck's Ever Gonna Survive That? And For A Whole Damn Sem a.k.a 3 Damn Months!? (Great Work Coordinating Your Lecturers, UTAR.)
Adieu To Y'all. Until Later When Life Is For Me To Live.
People Are Going Downhill When I'm Finally Hiking My Up Once Again. What The Heck? Well, Synchronization Isn't Really Important, But It'll Be Good To Know At Least That People Are Better When You Are As Well.
Other Than That, Life At Kampar At The Moment Is Very Much Still.
Some Say My Timetable Isn't For Normal People. I Totally Agree. Imagine Classes From 8am To 8pm On A Damn Tuesday When There's Taekwondo Training On Monday Evening. Who The Heck's Ever Gonna Survive That? And For A Whole Damn Sem a.k.a 3 Damn Months!? (Great Work Coordinating Your Lecturers, UTAR.)
Adieu To Y'all. Until Later When Life Is For Me To Live.
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